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“Oliver was never in any danger.” Well, not any more than I was comfortable putting him in, anyway. “I’m an excellent shot and wouldn’t have shot a gun off, half-cocked, had I been at all uncertain about what I was aiming at.” I thought it over. I guess regular civilians wouldn’t have reacted quite the way I had. “My brothers will tell you it’s not the first time. I think I scared off my first jerk of a boyfriend that way, or similar anyway, when I was fifteen or sixteen.” I wasn’t sure if that little tidbit was said to reassure him or give him more nightmare material, but it was the truth. When Blayze Williamton III had refused to leave me like a proper gentleman should have at the front door and tried to drag me into my house to have drunken sex, I’d pretty much done the same thing, albeit at a much closer distance and a lower caliber weapon. Boone had gotten me out of trouble with the sheriff and had run interference with the other three brothers, who were all deployed then. Daddy never found out, as far as I could tell. I was pretty sure the sheriff was afraid of what he would have done to the little shit, but that was only a guess.
“It’s pretty well-known in my family that I get into these kinds of situations,” I continued. “Keene had to have told you about some things I’ve gotten into in the past, even before you took me on as my PSO. There’s that bar fight, that guy who tried to kidnap me when I went to the big motorcycle rally a few years ago, the motorcycle incident that happened the next day—which is why I promised Royce I would never buy or ride one again unless my life depended on it—that time at the beach in Cancun …” I counted them off on my fingers, trying to decide how many issues to bring up. If I had to remember them all, we might be there all night. “Hell, you saw the whole Mike-the-asshole incident the day you first met me. If Boone hadn’t shown up, I would have kicked that guy’s ass just as a public service.”
His jaw tightened. “I’m your PSO. My job is to protect you.”
I bugged my eyes out at him. “And if I were in any danger, I would have let you. I told you before that Oliver was no threat to me. Just because someone yells, ‘The sky is falling,’ doesn’t make it so. I’m sorry if you feel like I stepped on your toes, but I was just a little mad at you and took it out on Oliver since I didn’t want to explain to Keene why I shot another one of his friends.” I raised a hand at his startled expression. “Story for a different day.” I stopped him before he could ask. That was another one of my tales I would prefer never saw the light of day.
“I’m not mad that you shot at Oliver,” he gritted out.
“Then why are you mad?” I tilted my head, studying him. The sky was darkening as the sun rode low, but it hadn’t fallen behind the landscape yet, giving me enough light to get a good look at him.
“You don’t trust me,” he finally said, not looking at me once.
I stilled. He sounded hurt, frustrated, and, yes, angry. The frustration and anger I could brush off, but I didn’t like that I’d hurt him, even if I didn’t have a choice. “So because I didn’t cower behind you like a helpless, timid little girl, I don’t trust you.”
“Don’t twist my words.” He jerked the wheel to turn, squealing the tires and launching both of us sideways against our seat belts.
“I’m not.” It took some determination on my part, but I didn’t comment on his driving abilities since I really didn’t want to walk the few blocks home. But discreetly, I tried to grab for the door handle to help hold on. “I’m trying to understand where your head is, and I’m afraid I’m having a hard time figuring it out.” His speed increased, and I prayed we wouldn’t get pulled over. I’d had a long enough day.
“I trusted you enough to let you do your job while we were overseas. When we visited the castle, I let you take point. Hell, I even slept with you just this morning. If I didn’t trust you, I wouldn’t have allowed you to do any of those things.” Again, truth wrapped in lies. I knew what he was getting at, but deflection and innocence were all I could do to ward him off. He knew the average person would never have pulled the trigger that near another person’s head. Even the best shooting hobbyists wouldn’t have attempted that shot. The first rule of gun safety was never to point it toward another being unless you planned on, or were okay with, killing them. I could profess to be the best shot in my family—which I was—but as the only one who hadn’t seen combat, I was also the least likely one on paper to attempt it. Unless I was batshit crazy, which my brothers and others had claimed in the past. My family didn’t so much as blink an eye at most of my escapades anymore, mostly because they were so used to them that it didn’t dawn on them how out of the norm it would be for anyone else.
He pulled into my driveway, stomping on the brake hard enough to jolt me forward in my seat. Matteo was sitting on my front porch, waiting for me. I didn’t wait for Brody to come around, immediately opening my door and jumping to the ground.
“You know damn well what I mean, Lessia. You don’t trust me with this.” He had circled the hood of the truck already and motioned wildly to Matteo.
That was it, the line in the sand. “Is he coming in?” Matteo asked. We’d started Brody’s background checks last night, Matteo and my handler wanting to cover all the possibilities since I couldn’t come up with a final decision about my future plans yet. If Brody could replace Matteo to help maintain my cover, it would, at the very least, give Matteo a chance at a somewhat normal life. We both knew he would pass the checks with flying colors, and Matteo was allowing me to bring him in now versus waiting for the official paperwork, sensing that it was a pivotal moment. But I couldn’t bring myself to forgo protocol. As much as I played with bending the rules, certain ones were too important for even me to ignore.
“No,” I answered, not taking my eyes from Brody’s green ones. “He’s headed home. His own this time since they caught Oliver.”
Matteo gave me a sympathetic look. “I’ll just wait in the kitchen,” he said slowly, looking between us.
Brody went to reach for me, but I took a step back. “Tell me something about your missions,” I dared him, my voice soft on the slight breeze. “Something you’re not supposed to tell another living soul, apart from your teammates.”
He went rigid, and I knew he understood what I was getting at. For the first time, I admitted, at least to him in a roundabout way, that I was involved in something beyond the surface. But I couldn’t divulge my business any more than he could parts of his past. Classified was classified, and without permission, neither of us would breach our vows to protect those secrets. His silence stretched, leaving only the sounds of the early crickets.
“That’s what I thought,” I said, finally. Taking another step from him, I gave him a sad smile and a half-hearted wave. “You have a nice night.” The finality of those words betrayed the meaning behind them. Like I had told him earlier, what was between us—whatever it could have been—wasn’t going to happen. Because I was a professional. And Brody was too good of a man only to get parts of me the way my family did. The fact that the ones I loved the most were the ones I had to sacrifice for the greater good had never worn on me as badly as it did at that moment.
I didn’t watch as Brody left, afraid I wouldn’t be able to let him go without blurting out something I would regret later. Matteo stayed silent as I closed the door softly, turning the alarm back on as the gate at the end of the drive swung shut.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I sighed. “No, but I don’t think I’m supposed to be.” My psychologist, the ones we were required to see quarterly, would be pleased with the emotion, even if it felt like I’d been gutted. She always seemed a bit unnerved by my cavalier attitude regarding certain aspects of my job—the wet work, I suppose you could call it. I just saw it as extermination or being the tool society used to remove a cancerous growth or decaying tissue, but she always seemed a little more squeamish. My real emotion would make her happy, even if it made me miserable.
“Any news about what we’re going to do with the information on the flash drive?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
“He said to let it play.” Matteo didn’t seem much happier than Brody had been a few minutes before. It wasn’t often that he, our handler, and I were in disagreement about an upcoming assignment, but I understood his reluctance. If I were being honest, I was surprised at our handler’s decision, too.
“Timeframe?” I asked.
He shrugged. “You read the same information I did, Lessia. They’ll need time for surveillance and an exit strategy. I’m not sure whether or not it’s a good thing that you didn’t pull Brody in. He’s going to be a problem if he’s present when this goes down.”
I nodded. “We’ll deal with that bridge when we come to it. Hopefully, the mission will be over and done with before anyone realizes something’s wrong. With luck, no one will even know I left and returned at all.”
He smiled. “We can always hope. I’ll do what I can here, but I’m not sure what I can do to hold back the horde if they catch wind of this.”
Trying to return his smile, I knew it was a hollow attempt. My mind wasn’t where it should be, and we both knew it.
“Well, I’ll get out of here. I’m working on getting a team scrambled and ready. I’ll let you know when we get everything in place.”
