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It doesn’t take long. There’s a scratching at my brain, a nudge to get me to pay attention. Sighing, I push away from Kohaku—he doesn’t want to let me go even in sleep—and run a weary hand down my face, before straightening in my chair to look out the window.
Wide open spaces, that’s what greets me. I think we must be in Montana or something, but can’t say for sure. Another nudge on my brain. I resist the urge to pull out my phone to check the time, and instead press my forehead to the cool glass and activate my communication rune.
As soon as it connects, I’m inundated with voices. Five of them all talking over each other to get my attention. I wince against the onslaught, and shut it down again before focusing on just one person and opening communication with them.
I’ll go through them one at a time if I need to, though I hope it won’t come to that. I don’t want to have the same conversation five times.
Sweeney.Fielder sounds so relieved.Where are you?
I don’t know precisely, but even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. That would defeat the purpose of me slipping away in the middle of the night.
Why? Why would you do this?The frustration he’s feeling is so obvious.
You know why, Fielder.
No, Rosalind, I don’t. You were safe here. We were going to find the answers you needed. The Library will tell us what your father was trying to do.
I rub at my eyes, wishing that the dull thud of a headache caused by too little sleep and no caffeine would just disappear. But I know it won’t. I’m not that lucky.
This is just something I need to do. I think we can all use a bit of space from…I want to say our relationship, but that sounds too much like I’m breaking up with them, and that isn’t fair to do right now. Not when I’m on a bus hundreds of miles away from them and we can’t have a proper conversation about it. Not that aconversationwould happen, anyway. They have a tendency to not really listen to what I want.
A bit of space from what, Sweeney?Fielder prompts and I can tell he knows already. He’s just waiting for me to say it.
Everything.,I finish lamely.We can use some space from everything.
He sighs, and I don’t know how he manages it, but it sounds pained, like I’ve hurt him.I know it hasn’t been easy,he says carefully.I know we’ve made so many mistakes when it comes to you, Rosalind. Mistakes that I regret with every fiber of my being, but we’re all learning here. We’re all figuring out how this relationship works, how all of us can be together, how we can make space in our lives for you, to give you what you need while still being true to who we are, and who we need to be.
My forehead presses into the window harder, like that will relieve the stinging pressure building behind my eyes.I don’t want you to change, Fielder. I’m not trying to make you change or give up on your responsibilities. I like you the way you are, but I just… You’re right, I need you to make space for me in your beliefs, and I need you to respect mine as well.
He sighs again.Tell me where you are, Ro. Please. We can do this together.
It’s tempting. Damn, is it so tempting, but this is a thing I need to do on my own, I think. I can’t guarantee that they won’t try to keep me from doing what I need to do in the name of keeping me safe.
I told you I don’t know where I am. I meant it.
Sweeney, please.
A tear slips out of my eye and down my cheek, and a big hand rubs a soothing circle between my shoulder blades. I don’t know if Kohaku can tell I’m having a conversation at the moment, or if he thinks I’m just deep in my thoughts about this situation that we’re in. Either way, that calming circle is so freaking welcome.
I’m closing the connection now, Harris.
Rosalind, fuck, please don’t do this. Let us help you.
As much as it pains me to do it, I shut down our connection even as he pleads with me not to.
When that’s done, I seek my connection to Cohen and open our communication spell. I can’t be sure that Fielder is going to let Cohen know I’m okay.
Wildcard,he breathes as soon as it’s open.That was one hell of an illusion you left for us. If I wasn’t a tiny bit peeved at you for leaving me behind, I’d tell you how impressed I am.
My cheeks turn pink. The illusion he’s referring to is one of me in bed, asleep. It’s taken a lot of my energy to maintain it, but thought it would be worth it to buy me and Kohaku more time to put as much distance between us.
I hoped it would keep you guys fooled for longer than it did.
He chuckles.It would have, but Hardin tried to crawl into bed with you in the wee hours of the morning, hoping an orgasm or two would make you more forgiving. Imagine his surprise when his hands passed right through you.
I wince, imagining not surprise, but worry, fear, panic that I’m so familiar with. Guilt crawls all over me, trying to tug me under, but I force it to the side.
Thank you for letting me know you’re okay, wildcard,he says gently.
