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I spit, rinse my toothbrush, and slip out from in front of him in a flurry of motion. I’m across the room and under the blankets in a matter of seconds, my back firmly pointed toward the bathroom, and on the very absolute edge of the bed.
I hear him spit and rinse his toothbrush the same way I did. The snap of the light turning off in the bathroom. The gentle thud of his feet on the carpet as he checks that the door’s locked, and the curtains drawn. More footsteps as he comes over to the bed.
Nerves claw through me, my body practically vibrating with them the longer he stands there. My breathing becomes ragged and the ache between my legs grows until its bordering on painful. Does he know what he’s doing by just standing there, leaving me in my anxiety ridden state to see what he’ll do next?
“Rosalind.” His voice is a rumble that sends a wave of desire rolling through me.
“Hmm?” That one humming syllable somehow seems breathless.
“Are you alright?”
I don’t respond. Because this isn’t like when he asked me earlier, when I was on the verge of falling apart. No, this is entirely different. What can I say to him? I’m not okay because I have an ache between my thighs that only you can ease with your dick?
Uh, no. No. I can’t say that to him.
I don’t want him to have sex with me out of obligation or because he thinks it’s what I want.
But it is what you want, Rosalind.
I shove that very correct voice away. If I ever have sex with Kohaku, I want it to be because he wants it. Not because… Not because-
The covers lift, a waft of cool air chilling my overheated body, and the bed dips as he joins me, cutting off all thought. I hear him shift on the mattress and get comfortable, adjusting the flat hotel pillow until it’s as he likes it. And then he’s quiet.
We lay there next to each other. Me, hyperaware of the heat coming off his body, the space he takes up, how I know during the night we’re going to touch, our skin will slip against each other and our limbs might tangle up and…
I bitch-slap all those thoughts away. My body doesn’t need my brain conjuring those energies.
“Little warrior,” Kohaku whispers. “You rarely go to bed this early. Are you having a hard time falling asleep?”
I blink into the gloomy room and let out a small laugh. He’s not wrong. It’s only seven thirty. In my haste to get away from him, to establish boundaries, I’ve now locked us in a bed together. Which doesn’t really help with those boundaries.
“Ro,” he prompts gently.
Shifting so I’m on my back, I sigh and ignore the heat burning low in my stomach. I can keep my libido on lock. I mean, I avoided sex with Hardin Yorke for nearly an entire school year. This should be a piece of cake. “Yes, I am. I guess I thought I’d be so exhausted from the last few days that I’d just pass out, you know?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him turn his head toward me. “Is there anything I can do to help?” One of his tails curls around my calf, stroking gently. “What do you need?”
I blink up at the ceiling. No answer is readily available. I need a lot of fucking things. I need to see my dad. I need to understand what he was thinking, what he was trying to accomplish. I need for Fielder, Ezra, Gideon and Hardin to understand that I will not choose between them and Cohen. I need Cohen to understand that while I appreciate him pushing me to my limits of power, I don’t have the same need as him to rub that power in everyone else’s faces. I need to not be the prey of witch hunters and to not have an entire coven of witches want me dead. I need to get stronger and more sure of the magic I can do. I need my sister to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay.
But Kohaku can’t give me any of that. It’s not in his power. It’s not in anyone’s power.
Letting out a deep breath, I close my eyes. “I need to stop thinking. I need to shut off my brain.” A rueful smile curls my lips. “I’m not sure that’s something you can help with.”
The tail around my calf tightens briefly and then releases. I keep my eyes closed as the bed shifts and then his fingers grip my jaw, turning my face toward his. “I’m certainly willing to try, little warrior. If you’ll allow me?”
I’m not sure what to say. Every molecule in my body is urging me toward him, to touch, to taste, to let him do whatever the fuck he wants to me. But I can’t escape the feeling that if he wasn’t bound to me already, he wouldn’t want to do this. It makes me feel so fucking dirty and not in a good way.
“Rosalind,” he murmurs. The heat of his breath dances over my lips. “Open your eyes and look at me.”
I do as he asks, looking right into his glowing orange eyes, the only bright spot in the gloomy room. “What are your reservations? Tell me.”
His fingers are still curled around my chin, holding me steady so I can’t look away, even if I wanted to. “I’m worried that you don’t really want this. We’re tied together, Kohaku. We’re bound, apparently, and I don’t really understand what that means. Are you just feeling what I’m feeling because of that bond? If you weren’t attached to me, and for all intents and purposes, under my control, would you want me? Am I… god, am I essentially a rapist if I give in? I can’t do-”
“Stop.”That one word is fierce. “Stop. I can’t listen to you call yourself an abuser and a rapist. Sulphur, Rosalind. If I didn’t want you, I wouldn’t have come to you when you called. If I thought there was any chance of you abusing our connection, I would have stayed in Hell. We choose who we want to connect to, who we want to protect and serve. I chose you. I may have been a mass of shadows, but I still had thoughts and feelings and the ability to choose. I have felt your power for far longer than you know. I felt your intentions and your emotions and your thoughts. When you called for a shadow, I fought to get to you. I want this. I want you.”
His fingers tighten on my chin, and then he releases me. “If you do not want to have a physical relationship with me, that is fine. I will respect that and still do everything in my power to protect you. But if the only reason you are holding back is because you think it’s something I don’t want? Then just know that is so far from the case.”
I stare up at him, my breath coming in near pants. He just addressed every one of my concerns, all the things holding me back. I don’t have anything to stop me now. Not even four—er, five?—boyfriends, because I left them. Not that I think Kohaku would let them stop us either.
