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“We’re all good. Thank you again for the gifts you sent over, Harmony. Everyone has been sending things for Kayla, which we appreciate, but you and our mothers were the only people to send things for us. I can’t wait to take that trip to the wellness spa.”
Harmony chuckled softly. “You’re so welcome. I know when a baby comes into the picture, most people obsess over them and forget about the parents, so my mom always gets gifts for babies and the parents, and I guess it’s rubbed off on me too.”
“Well, chile, thank your mama for me!” They both shared a soft laugh before Honey added, “I’m sure you have plans with your family today, but I wanted to invite you to our friendsgiving tonight. It’ll be at our place because of the baby, so it won’t be loud and long.”
“If I’m not too drunk when I leave my parents’ place I’d love to come.”
“Great! We told everyone to be here at seven, so really eight, but whenever you can make it is fine.”
“Sounds good. If I can’t make it, I’ll call. Otherwise, I’ll see you tonight.”
“Alright, sis. Tell everyone I said hello.”
“Will do. Thanks again for the invite.”
As Harmony disconnected the call, Keith came in and made his way to the closet. She cut the shower on, hoping to jump in quickly and avoid a conversation. She’d been doing that a lot lately—not wanting anything else to be said to make her leave. Eventually, Harmony knew she would, but she couldn’t while he was still sick.
Every time Harmony thought about Keith’s sickness, she thought about her best friend. How she died from cancer while they were in college. Admittedly, Harmony didn’t realize just how sick Jacoba was. She’d never seen someone so young deteriorate so quickly. Maybe it was denial and Harmony’s inability to accept God would allow Jacoba to die so young.
Whatever the case, Harmony wasn’t as present for Jacoba as she would have liked to have been. Just days before Jacoba died, the two argued because of it. She told Harmony how much she missed her and that she feared she didn’t have much time left. Harmony downplayed it, finding it difficult to accept her best friend’s fate, and she didn’t go to see her.
The next day when Harmony received a call from Jacoba’s phone, she answered apologizing profusely. But it wasn’t Jacoba on the other line—it was her mother. She was calling to tell Harmony that Jacoba had taken a turn for the worst, and she needed to come and say goodbye as soon as she could. By the time she arrived, Jacoba was on life support. She may not have heard every apology and cry that seeped from Harmony’s lips, but they were many. From that day forward, Harmony vowed to never downplay a person’s sickness or request to spend time with her.
With Keith, she refused to leave his side. All she could think about was the day she left him being the day things took a turn for the worst, like with Jacoba. So as much as she wanted to leave him, she couldn’t. She wouldn’t… not any time soon.
Harmony took her time showering, hoping by the time she was done, Keith would have been gone. As she stepped out of the shower and heard music coming from his phone, Harmony rolled her eyes. It was crazy how truth could change everything. There was a time she would have loved to find Keith in their bedroom after her shower.
“What are your plans for the day?” Keith asked from the bedroom as she dried herself off.
“Going down to my parents’ house. Honey invited me over for friendsgiving, so I want to do that too.”
“Well I’m going down to my folks’ house around three. Probably make a few stops between there and the house. If you want me to stop by and see your family, just let me know.”
“Okay,” was all she said.
When Keith got out in the streets, there was no guarantee he’d be home any time soon. Once he got with friends and family and started drinking, he forgot about everything else in the world. While Harmony admired his loyalty to them, a part of her wished he was just as loyal to her. For whatever reason, Keith didn’t see her as his family, as a priority, and she was finally at a place where she could no longer ignore that.
Keith went into the bathroom and cut the shower on, and Harmony quickly grabbed a black sweater and leather leggings with a pair of thigh high boots to put on. She’d do her makeup at her parents’ home. At that moment, she just needed space…
* * *
As Harmony staredat the text message, she thought her eyes were betraying her. It didn’t matter how many times she read Keith’s message, it made less and less sense. Deciding to just call him, Harmony stood and made her way through her parent’s living room. Her family was so deep in their own conversations that no one noticed her briskly heading for the front door.
She dialed Keith’s number, but he didn’t answer. After the call went to voicemail, she read the text again.
#1: Today, I am most thankful for you. No one knows what I’ve been going through but you. With my family and friends, I hid the truth. My pride wouldn’t allow me to show them how much I’ve suffered. The depression. What I considered weakness. But with you? I was able to bear it all. In my attempt to have you as my strength, I didn’t realize how much I was draining you of yours. You’ve been so good to me, and I can admit that I haven’t returned the love and loyalty. You’ve asked me for so little and I gave even less. Truth is, I allowed what I saw with my parents to dictate how I thought my marriage was supposed to be. In you, I found a woman who was loyal to me, loved me, and cared about me… but I wasn’t satisfied. I wanted more but selfishly I didn’t want to lose you. I knew if I went after a woman that I had more fun with and more in common with, there was a chance she wouldn’t be as down for me as you were, so I settled. I got the love and care from you and fun and excitement from other women. I NEVER had sex with any of them, but I did go on several dates and create bonds with a lot of women. I tried to tell myself it was for my good and that was all that mattered, but you matter too, and I can’t keep doing this to you. You deserve so much better than what I’ve given you. I took advantage of your guilt over Jacoba, and for that, I apologize. I should have ended things when I realized we weren’t compatible, but I kept getting sick and needed you. That ends today. Today, I’m finally going to put you first. I’m so sorry bae. By the time you get home, I’ll have all my things out. I’m heading to Washington to focus on myself. Don’t worry, the cancer is gone, and I’m good. I love you, but I’m not right for you, and you deserve to find someone who is.
Harmony called Keith again, this time, her call went straight to voicemail. Before she could stop it, a low growl escaped her.
Sitting down on the porch, Harmony released shaky breaths as tears slid down her cheeks. More than anything, her ego was bruised. As loyal as she was to Keith, she couldn’t pull herself to leave him, and for him to leave her felt like the ultimate betrayal.
She wanted to tell herself that she was better off without him. That it was better to be single and alone than in a relationship and lonely. That Keith had finally put her first and given her the consideration she deserved. But none of those things mattered. All that mattered was the anger that consumed her and how foolish she felt for putting him above herself.
ChapterSixteen
Saint
“Mane,fuck that nigga. He ain’t shit.”
