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“It was in the beginning, but it doesn’t bother me now. All the issues I had because of my parents I worked through years ago. Music was a form of therapy for me, and when I started actually reading and learning again, I read several therapy books and worked through my trauma alone.”
“Reading and learning again? What does that mean?”
Saint hadn’t meant for that to slip out, but he didn’t mind sharing that truth with Harmony since it was something he’d overcome. It used to be something he was ashamed of, but after completing the literacy program and getting his degree, Saint had great pride in his accomplishments.
As Tamela set their plates in front of them, Saint admitted, “I stopped learning how to read after fifth grade.”
Surprise covered her face, but she masked it quickly. He told her a condensed version of what transpired just so they could bless their food and begin to eat. By the time he’d covered his catfish with hot sauce, tartar sauce, and Cole slaw he was ending the story with, “And that’s how I ended up fucking myself over with Tristan. I made her my eyes and let her sign my contracts for me, but she took advantage of it and gave herself more rights than she should have had.”
“Does that have anything to do with why you’re not recording since you’re divorced?”
“That has everything to do with it. I can’t rap or perform for profit for the next ten years.”
“What!” Harmony yelled, catching him by surprise. “Are you fuckingserious?”
“Dead. She has the rights to my masters and distribution too, so my musical career is technically over for the next ten years because I chose to divorce her.”
Harmony caught him off guard when she stood and made her way over to his side of the table. Sitting on his lap, she cupped his cheek and placed three soft, tender pecks to his lips.
“I’m so sorry she took advantage of you like that. Life had already dealt you a bad hand and someone you trusted made it worse. I get why you don’t want to be in a relationship, but I hope you know I would never, could never, do something like that to you or anyone else.”
“I appreciate the validation, though I could tell by your character. I’ve gotten better at judging people’s intentions in my maturity and with time, so I’m not worried about you doing anything like that.”
“Then what are you worried about?”
Saint considered her question carefully. “With her, what I had to offer was laid out. I couldn’t give her love and romance, fidelity. I’ve never been in a real relationship or been faithful to just one woman. I’ve had great admiration and respect and what I think was love for a woman before, but I’ve never been in love. If I was to be honest with myself, I fear failing at that. And to fail at something so sacred with someone so special… I’m not willing to do that.”
“Saint…”
“Let’s eat. Can’t eat the best soul food of your life cold.”
Saint hoped she wouldn’t press him to continue the conversation, and he was glad she didn’t. Instead, Harmony pulled her plate forward and remained seated on his lap, and he didn’t mind the closeness at all.
* * *
Saint tookHarmony back to the library, where her car was still parked. He would have let her drive, but earlier, he was looking for any way he could to draw their time together out. As she unlocked her car, she told him, “I know you didn’t want me to respond to what you said earlier, but can I please get it out?”
“It’s going to bother you if you don’t?”
“More than you know.”
Saint chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest. The act was unintentionally a signal that he was closing his heart to what she was about to say, but Harmony must have known that because she pulled his arms down and took his hands into hers.
“With everything that you’ve accomplished in your life, you don’t strike me as the type to give up easily. If you were willing, I would have taught you how to love me. People think knowing how to love someone comes naturally, but I think we often love people the way we’ve been loved or the way we want to be loved. I also think that’s why you haven’t been the most affectionate man in the past… because you didn’t receive affection growing up.”
Her head shook as she smiled before continuing. “Sorry, I’m about to start rambling, but yeah. I just… want you to know that I appreciate you sharing that with me, and I don’t think you have much to worry about when it comes to love and romantic relationships. Just from the few experiences I’ve had with you already, you’ve shown that you prioritize, communicate, and take your partner into consideration. You attuned yourself to how I am, because you innately knew that was what I needed, and you were able to give me that even though it wasn’t common to you. You’re thoughtful and kind and flirtatious and charming and a really great kisser and that dick is amazing.” She bit down on her bottom lip and closed the space between them. “Sometimes inexperience makes us feel we’re inadequate for something, but trust me, you have nothing to worry about, because we would have been partners, and even where you fell short… I would have helped you find your way because we would have been on the same path.”
As a wordsmith, words meant a lot to Saint.
When creating songs, he put deep thought into his lyrics and was careful with what he said. He was also careful with how he talked to those he cared about. Harmony’s words hit him in a place that hadn’t been accessed before, and it took Saint a moment to process them. When he did, he took her hand into his and led her back over to his car. After pushing the passenger seat back, he sat down and pulled her on top of his lap. He closed the door and told her, “I’ma rip this shit, but I’ll buy you another one.”
“Saint…” Before she could speak, him ripping her jumpsuit and pushing her panties to the side caused her to gasp before she moaned.
Saint removed his shaft, and Harmony wrapped her hand around it, holding it steady as she sat on top of it. Her movements were slow and steady starting out, the way she liked. With lips pressed together, they ate each other’s breaths and moans. When he began to hold her a little tighter, Harmony sped up her movements.
“Fuck, Harmony,” he moaned, squeezing her ass as his eyes fluttered.
“You look so sexy when you’re in this pussy. Does it feel good?”
