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“No, last night, I said I wasn’t going to stop you from being with her.” He lifts his gaze to mine, and what I see makes me feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. “You know, just like you said you weren’t going to be with her. But I get it. You like her, and she clearly likes you.”
“She likes you, too,” I insist, restlessly drumming my fingers against the table. “I can tell.”
“As a friend, sure, but you’re the one she’s kissing, so I’m going to remove myself from the situation.” He forces a smile that looks fucking miserable. “I’m sorry I’m making a big deal out of this. I shouldn’t be.” He pushes away from the table and stands up. “I’m sorry. I …” Shaking his head, he rushes toward the doorway.
I hate that I’ve hurt him this way. I want to take it back—all the kisses—yet at the same time, I don’t. I’m conflicted between both worlds and don’t know how to balance them.
“Hey,” I call out to him. “I meant what I said yesterday … I meant all of it. So, if you want to … we still can.”
Zay arches a brow at me, likewhat the hell are you talking about?
Hunter halts for a second , but he doesn’t turn around, and he only remains motionless for an instant before walking out of the room.
That burn in my chest intensifies.
“I fucked up,” I say as I rub my aching chest.
“Yeah, you did,” Zay agrees as he pulls out a chair, the legs scratching against the floor. He takes a seat and rests his arms on top of the table. “I was worried this was going to happen. It’s why I didn’t want her living here. And she’s only lived here for a night. I don’t even want to know what kind of fucking drama waits for us in the future if you two can’t get your shit together.”
“I’m trying.” I fiddle with the leather band again.
I have my arm under the table, because if he sees me doing this, he’ll know I cut this morning.
“I just …” I blow out a breath. “I just can’t stop thinking that she’s Willow.”
“Even if she was, why does it mean you can’t just be friends with her? You don’t know her, man. Not the Willow who’s almost eighteen years old, who spent time in a psych ward, who acts like she has no clue that she’s been to this town before.”
“She could really not remember it. You know memory loss can exist, especially when it comes to traumatic events.”
“I also know people lie. And if she is lying, there could be a reason. A dangerous fucking reason.”
“Or she could just not remember.”
He heaves a frustrated exhale. “Regardless, you still don’t know the current version of her.”
“Maybe not, but I didn’t just kiss her because she’s Willow. I kissed her because”—I swallow hard—“because she’s always making sure I don’t scrape my ring against my teeth, and she makes me pinkie promises. She calls me Jaxon sometimes to tease me because I told her no one ever calls me that, and it’s seriously the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t care if you think I’m a dumbass for saying that—it’s true.” I stare at the table, sorting through my thoughts and ensuring I get the next part right. “And I feel this connection to her, like she gets my pain, and I get hers. She even had a mild panic attack in the kitchen last night, and I was able to calm her down, which is crazy because I’m usually the one panicking. But it’s like I knew exactly what to do with her and …” I shrug. “It’s more than that. Like I’ve said a ton of times, I don’t work the same way as you do. I don’t always have to have logic. I just have to know what I feel in my heart and soul. And it’s been a long time since I’ve felt anything, so the fact that I feel anything when I’m around her means something to me, because it’s been a long time since something wasn’t nothing.”
He remains quiet for a while, which is strange. He usually has to make his opinion on things quickly.
“What about Hunter?” he conclusively says. “Clearly, he’s feeling something for her, too, for whatever reason,” he says the wordfeelingwith disgust, like he can’t stand to have it on his tongue. “Are you going to just disregard that?”
I slump back in the chair. “No.”
“Really?” he challenges. “Because it kind of seems like you are.”
“I know I messed up this morning, but … if this really does bother him, I’ll stop it and just be friends with her.” It physically pains me to say it, but when I put the words into the air, I know they carry truth.
Hunter is one of my best friends. No, he’s like a brother to me. He’s my family, really. So is Zay. And I can’t do anything to jeopardize that. However …
“I did give us another alternative,” I add, reaching for a piece of bacon that’s in the middle of the table.
He assesses me. “What?”
I shrug as I stuff the bacon into my mouth. “I’m not going to tell you.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Why the hell not?”
“Maybe I will if Hunter agrees to it. For now, I think it just needs to stay between us.”
