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Sighing, I gather my courage, knowing this is my issue to deal with. I decided to go all in with them, to give up fighting every little thing. This is my issue with money and presents, not theirs. Garrett’s right. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, before looking at Ryder and Kenzo who appear deflated. Ryder is grinding his teeth. “Thank you, I’ve never had a present before, and I guess I didn’t know how to respond.”
“Never?” Garrett rumbles.
I shake my head, reaching out and stroking the snake. “Never, we didn’t celebrate any holidays or my birthday as a kid, so as an adult?” I shrug. “It never happened.”
“Fucking assholes,” Garrett grumbles, as Diesel pulls me closer.
“When is your birthday?” Kenzo demands.
“Erm, May, I think.” I sigh, and Ryder looks at me quizzically. “They never told me exactly.”
His eyes narrow, his fists clenching. “I will find out.”
Diesel kisses me again. “I never had presents before these guys either, but look at them, look how happy they are, you’ve given them a purpose. They have all this money and no one to spend it on, so let them spoil you, Little Bird. It’s as much for them as it is for you. Their father used his money like a weapon, another thing to hoard. So this? This is good for them, showing them it can do something other than make you powerful.”
He’s right. Kenzo is smiling widely, and even Ryder is relaxed and seems happy. “It’s beautiful. I’m seeing a pattern though.” I laugh, and Kenzo reaches out and passes me another two boxes.
Carefully shutting the necklace’s box, I look around for a place to put it when Ryder’s hand curls over mine and extracts it, his sad, dark eyes meeting mine. “Thank you,” he whispers, and I follow his gaze to Kenzo. There’s a story there, that’s for sure, but not one for right now.
I nod, and he passes me the next two. I open them cautiously, not even shocked at the jewels inside—just how rich are these guys? In one box is a belly charm with a dangling gold snake, which makes me laugh. In the other is a ring that has me gasping. It’s black and large, set in a gold setting that has fangs gripping the jewel.
“They are—” I shake my head. “Amazing,” I whisper.
“I guess this makes up for all the birthday, Christmas, and everything else you ever missed.” Diesel laughs.
“Not yet, that will take at least three more hauls,” Kenzo adds with a grin.
Fuck, three?
“Give her the next one,” Kenzo insists excitedly, and before I get the chance to gape at the jewellery, they are taking them away and a new box is placed in my hand.
I open it carefully, almost shaking my head at the bauble inside, another ring, like the first, but red this time. There are four more pieces of jewellery, climbing snake earrings, an ankle bracelet, and a headpiece. I feel overwhelmed, and they must realise it, because Ryder calls a break for coffee. I snuggle back into Diesel’s arms, letting him hold me as I try to process all of this.
It feels like a dream.
Kenzo shifts closer while Ryder is gone and grabs my hand. “I’m sorry if this is too much, I just wanted to spoil you,” he offers, and seems suddenly gloomy, so I remember Ryder’s look and force a smile to my face.
“It is a lot, honestly, and it feels like it’s happening to someone else, but thank you, it means so much to me,” I tell him, and then, being brave, I lean forward and kiss him. He moans against my lips, and as I pull back, he seems to perk up. He glances over at Garrett before sliding to the floor and sorting through the remaining boxes and bags.
Ryder returns and passes me a mug, which I blow on this time, waiting for it to cool. He sits next to me, close enough to whisper so no one else—well, apart from my koala—can hear.
“My father never bought my mum a present, not once. If he ever got us something, it was because he expected something in return, it always came with strings. Kenzo used to love Christmas, opening the presents from our mum, but my father would tally up each one in his head. You could see it hurt our mother, she was so quiet, a frail, weak woman, even if she loved us greatly. Eventually, Christmas stopped, but Kenzo used to find a way to get her a present every year. He earned his own money and would buy her something, sneaking it to her when my dad wasn’t looking. He thought it would help make her happy, it was how he showed her he loved her. Right until she died.”
I look at him, searching his eyes. He said it coldly, like it didn’t happen to him too. Is that ice hiding his true feelings again? I think so, so I reach out and run my finger across his jaw. “That must have been hard on both of you, how did she die?”
He sucks in a breath, that ice melting slightly. “She killed herself, we came home from school one day to find her hanging in the hallway. I managed to stop Kenzo before he saw—”
“But you did,” I whisper.
He nods. “Kenzo was young, I got him outside and then…then I tried to save her. I heaved and pulled, trying to get her back over the balcony, but I was so small back then. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t save her.”
“Ry,” I whisper, “It wasn’t your job to save her. You were a kid.”
He shakes his head. “It was my job to protect them both, and I failed. I won’t fail ever again.”
I nod, now understanding why he is the way he is. “Thank you for telling me.”
He shrugs, that ice coming back as he tries to move away, to distance himself, a coping mechanism, so I grab his hand and link it with mine, not letting go as Kenzo excitedly hands me a small bag. Laughing, I open it with one hand, refusing to release Ryder’s. He needs to feel this, to be here, to not lock it away and sit back, protecting us, but to enjoy this like Kenzo. He went through the same upbringing, and when he told that story, I felt his pain and how much he wished he could show his mother he loved her. He doesn’t get to back away now, I will melt that ice one bit at a time.
