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In the beginning, I believed it was residual worry left over from what we’d been through, except when we discussed it, Emily admitted it was because of the pregnancy. She doesn’t completely understand why, choosing to believe she has developed a fear of abandonment since discovering she is carrying my child. Any mention of Cole Security and field work triggers her anxiety, making me wonder what is safe to tell her and what isn’t.
The last thing I want to do is lie to my woman. Still, I’ve found myself in unchartered territory regarding my relationship with Emily, which is more challenging than I anticipated. I never felt any trepidation with Georgia, but in hindsight, I was away more than at home during my deceased wife’s pregnancy.
* * *
“It’s about time you showed up,” Mark sarcastically hurls in my direction as I enter the boardroom Jackson has rented at the Sheraton Hotel.
I know Mark is teasing me, but his insinuation that I’m late irritates me for an instant. Not wanting to make something out of nothing unnecessarily, I ignore his sarcasm and silently take the empty seat next to Antony. All the intel Earl has managed to gather on the El Mazir case and Patrick is laid out before him, scattered across the table.
Acknowledging my arrival, Jackson continues to discuss with Mark the intel Earl has compiled on Patrick and how he is connected to the El Mazir case. You can hear the frustration in both their voices as they highlighted dates and times in Patrick’s file when he was actively helping Christopher. The disappointment was how Patrick managed to fly under the radar for so long without us noticing. It’s clear that the clues were right under our noses, only we never suspected a thing.
“Is something on your mind, Hawke?” Antony quietly inquires beside me.
If there is anyone in this world who can pick up on how I feel, it is the man seated beside me. Antony is the one person who has been a constant in my life since elementary school.
“It’s Em,” I confide. “Deceiving her doesn’t sit well with me.”
“Why are you deceiving her?” he questions.
Why does his question leave me feeling like I’m unnecessarily causing stress when it’s not required?
“She’s fearful every time I leave her side that something bad will happen to me.”
As the words fall out of my mouth, I suddenly realize the reasoning behind his line of questioning.
“I shouldn’t be hiding anything from her, should I?”
“If I have learned anything over the years, Hawke,” Jackson injects. “It’s that keeping secrets from women only causes more pain than it is worth,” he says with a smile.
“Do you not believe Emily can handle this?” I then hear Mark question.
If I had realized the whole table could hear me, I would’ve waited until we were alone to discuss my peril with Antony.
Ignoring the sudden unease building, I begin to relay my uncomfortableness in discussing this case with Em, especially with her sudden fear of abandonment. To say I’m a little out of my depth is an understatement, especially because I wasn’t always around when Georgia was pregnant.
I guess because I was never actively involved, I assumed Georgia had everything under control. She would always tell me she and the baby were doing fine when I inquired how she was feeling. I’ve never thought about how it looked before, but now that I’m talking about Georgia, I can see what a terrible husband I must have been. There was never any discussion after her regular check-ups unless her doctor had a concern, but I just put that down to it being the kind of person Georgia was.
“I don’t think I have ever heard you speak of your first wife.”
Jackson’s comment has me feeling guilty for not being as forthcoming about my deceased family earlier, causing me to apologize to both him and Mark.
“I really must be softening in my old age,” I joke before continuing.
I begin by mentioning that I met Georgia when Antony and I were at college. She had the most beautiful eyes, and I couldn’t help but fall in love with her instantly. Unfortunately, I had to adore her from afar as she was in a relationship with one of Ant’s brothers-in-law, who was in the same college classes.
“Speaking of brothers, Mark, Gregory mentioned yours to Emily.”
“That son of a bitch!” he utters. “What did he do this time?”
“Don’t read too much into it. Vanessa manipulated him to find out whatever she could about your children.” I reassure him. “She dumped him as soon as she got what she needed; he wouldn’t have had any idea what was happening.”
“That asshole falls for all the wrong types of women.” He groans. “Garrick is too gullible for his own good, and he’s just lucky nothing happened to Charlie or the kids. Enough about him; tell us more about Georgia.”
I tell them how Georgia had an aura that drew people to her. She was a free spirit or a hippie, as my father would refer to her, who genuinely cared too much about everything and everyone. She didn’t have a mean bone in her body, nor did she have a nasty word to say about anyone.
Georgia was everything I wasn’t.
“It was through Georgia’s boyfriend that I also met my wife, Sarah,” Antony injects.
