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CHAPTER 9
CHRISTOPHER
Iwoke up feeling nauseous, sweat pouring down my face and my sheets wet with perspiration. I was going crazy from lack of sleep and my nightmares seemed to be getting worse. I was now in one of the guest rooms while the renovations to the master bedroom were getting completed. I stumbled around in the dark trying to find the bathroom.Fuck. Where is the damn bathroom door?It took me a few seconds to get my bearings, but once my eyes acclimated to the dark room, I pushed the door open and went straight for the toilet. My insides were now gushing into the bowl, and my head was reeling from the headache but depositing my stomach content made me feel a lot better. I wasn’t drunk, I had not touched a drop of alcohol all week. I was trying my best to get my memory of the night that Victoria died back.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that my memory loss was somehow connected to Victoria’s accident. I sat frozen in thought on the bathroom floor, my head resting on my hands planted firmly on the bowl. The cool floor soothed me, I was weak from losing my dinner in the toilet. After about five minutes, I pulled myself up and headed for the shower. That was an energy booster. The water seemed to revive my soul, so I got dressed and headed to the kitchen. My stomach started growling; I needed to get something to eat.
I walked into the kitchen and could not help but admire the warm feeling that greeted me. Sam did an amazing job and while this renovation was to wipe the slate clean, the outcome was better than expected. The new marble countertops played well with the white shaker cabinets but the oversized island was the star of the show. Changing to color to dark blue really brought the kitchen to life. I didn’t think such a small detail could make such a big difference. The contrast elevated the look and feel of the kitchen. I wasn’t sure about the backsplash tile she chose initially but now looking at the counter to ceiling wall over the stove; just wow. It is a show stopper for sure.
She was talented, I had to admit that. Thinking about Sam was oddly calming. Her face, her scent, her kiss… I was getting aroused just visualizing her body next to mine. I could not get the encounter in the closet out of my mind. Seeing her as she darted in and out of rooms at the ranch made me more inclined to pay attention to what she was doing. I really liked her vision and was looking forward to her next reveal. If we had met under different circumstances, absent my legal problems and the guilt of moving on so quickly after Victoria’s death, I could see myself pursuing her. She was smart, full of life, and strong-willed. She was also very kind, and the way she paid close attention to Natasha really impressed me.
Since the accident, Natasha has been withdrawn. Sam, however, found a way to pull her out of her grief long enough to be a happy little girl again. As I stood in the kitchen admiring the attention to detail and the small changes that were now the highlight of the project, I heard the familiar shuffle of Natasha coming down the stairs. “Hi, peanut, another monster?”
“Hi, Daddy. No. I was just thirsty.” The response shocked me, this is the first time since Victoria passed away that she did not get up complaining about monsters under the bed or in the closet. “Oh, okay. What do you want? Water or milk?” She looked at me with those gorgeous green eyes and I melted. “I think water. Can I have some cookies too?”
“Yeah, but you have to brush your teeth again before going back to bed.”
She pondered for a moment. “Never mind, Daddy. I’ll just take the water.”
I filled a glass with water and set it on the counter. She popped up on the stool and moved the glass closer to her. I made myself a peanut butter sandwich and sat on the stool next to her.
We were both silent. She sipped her water and I ate my sandwich. At that moment I felt more peaceful than I had been since the accident. I did not want the moment to end, but I knew I could not hide here forever. Natasha propped her small body on mine and nestled her head on my arm. I quickly repositioned her head on my torso as I wrapped my arms around her. We sat silently on the stools in the kitchen, eating and drinking. We said so much at that moment without uttering a word. Twenty minutes passed and the clock on the oven displayed the time: 3 a.m.
Natasha had to get up for school in a few hours and I had plans to go through my office in search of the letter I had in the art room. It was no longer in the art room, I was sure, because I checked, four times.
“Are you done peanut?”
She nodded yes. I got up from the stool and took her glass and my plate and plopped them in the sink. I walked back to the counter and lifted Natasha from the stool. She wrapped her legs around my waist and rested her tiny head on my chest. At the top of the stairs, I paused. “Do you want to go to your room or come with me?” She lifted her head and we locked eyes. “Do you need me, Daddy?” I thought it an odd question but shook my head. “No, peanut. I’ll take you to your room.” I lifted the covers and dropped Natasha into a seemingly warm spot on the bed, folded the comforter over her, gave her a kiss, and told her goodnight.
I walked back to my own makeshift bedroom feeling drained of energy. The sleepless nights were taking a toll. I swung the door open and closed it softly behind me. It was as if I resigned myself to the horrors that lay within. I sat at the edge of the bed and Natasha’s words hit me like a brick: Was my daughter staying up at night time to make sure I was, okay? How did I not see this?
I failed Victoria and now I was failing Natasha. I was not a good protector. I lay down feeling even more frustrated with myself. I felt compelled to find those missing memories so I could move forward with my life, if not for myself, certainly for Natasha. She already lost her mom; I had to make sure she had a father. My eyelids were getting heavy, sleep was knocking and I was willing. I drifted off to sleep but instead of my usual thoughts of doom and terror, I chose to think of something more pleasant and upbeat. I fell asleep with the thoughts of Sam’s lips pressed firmly against mine and her hands draped around my neck.
* * *
I rushed back homeafter taking Natasha to school. I was determined to find out what I was reading when I argued with Victoria that night. It was a vital missing piece of the puzzle and the sooner I found it, the sooner I could start looking for the next piece. I started going through all my personal files in my desk drawers. Then I moved to the filing cabinets. I rummaged through corporate documents, personal records, and even deeds and title holdings. Nothing. It would help if I knew what I was looking for so I could narrow my search. I had so many records in my office. After going through every piece of paper, I decided to take a well-needed break. I had spent the past three hours locked down trying to find something, anything that could possibly jog my memory.
I went to the kitchen hoping to catch a glimpse of Sam. She was busier than ever these days. I wanted to see what was going on in my bedroom, but I was afraid I may not be able to control my urges. That was a tricky area and I didn't want to cross any lines. But I also wanted to see what she did. The residence staff were busy gossiping about what my bedroom already looked like.
I was surprised she didn’t have clients lined up to get her booked. The anticipation was building, but not knowing was also exhilarating. She was not in the kitchen and I felt disappointed. Brandon walked in and I saw an opportunity to pry without being obvious. “Is Sam in today? I need to get a timeline for the master bedroom. The guest room is starting to get to me. Can you also have someone change the sheets again?”
Brandon walked over and started taking notes. “I haven't seen Sam today, but I can have housekeeping start working on the guestroom now. Anything else?”
“No, I think that’s it. I will let you know if anything else comes up.” Brandon walked away and I started to wonder why Sam wasn’t here yet. Just then I heard a knock at the door and my heart froze. Was it the police coming to serve me with a warrant? My office looked like a man trying to hide evidence. Damn, how was I going to explain this?
I was relieved when I heard Sam’s voice and was happier when I conveniently ran into her in the hallway. “Good morning, Sam, how are you?”
“Good morning, Chris.” She seemed preoccupied and uninterested in me at the moment. That aroused me. “Just one question: How much longer do you have in the master bedroom? I’m getting restless in the guestroom.”
“Let’s see. I have flooring and paint left. The installers are about to start the floors now and we should be able to get the painters in tomorrow. Do you think you can stand three more nights?”
I would have been able to suffer through six more months if that meant she would stay, but I did not know if she would find that intriguing or just desperate. Best to keep that to myself. “Yeah, three more nights should be okay. Thanks for the update.”
She had her hands full with rolls of paper. “Do you need some help?” I asked.
“Yes. Thank you so much. I just need these in the master bedroom.”
I got aroused at the thought of being in the bedroom with her again but was quickly deflated when I walked in and saw three men ripping away at the carpet. “
