AllFreeNovel
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I wanted him.
Iwanthim.
I might be a virgin, but I'm no innocent to sex.
I know what sex is. I know I'm going to like sex. I know I like my toys. And I like the way that my romance novels make me feel—all the dirty things.
When I finally get down to doing it, I'm going to freaking love it.
I already know that.
Katie knows that.
Mom knew that.
My parents weren't the conventional, keep you in the dark, parents. My mom became my friend as soon as I turned eighteen. She didn’t just become my friend, though. She became my best friend. Mom and Katie were the women I told everything to.
That means we talked about, well, everything.
And it might be weird, but that includes sex. Since I wasn’t having it—obviously—virgin here, that meant we talked about her doing it. For Mom, she had Dad. Only Dad. OnlyeverDad.
So, she told me about her and Dad. She used details, and never did it feel awkward. It never felt like,eww. It was just my closest friend talking about the man she loved, and how lucky she was to love him. But we talked about more than just reality. Like me, Mom was an avid reader of all things romance. I could lay one hundred percent of the blame of my love for dark romance entirely at her feet. We talked about all the kinkery we encountered between the pages of some very risqué books over Mom’s famous margaritas whenever Dad had a night with the guys.
So, I know what sex is.
I know that it's going to be great. And I know that kiss was a prelude to all that greatness.
And I want it, I really do. But I've spent twenty-two years waiting for the man who's going to be everything for me. Who's going to be the one for me. I've spent twenty-two years dreaming of a love like Mom and Dad had.
So, no, I don't want to settle for less.
When I do that—when I give my body to a man—I want to know that he'stheman.
The right man.
The one man.
I don't just want him to be the first man. I want him to be the last man. This day and age with hook-up sites, girl power, and the feminist drive to explore one’s body, maybe this is archaic. Maybe it's unrealistic. Maybe it's ridiculous. Ludicrous. Silly. I can go on…
But for me, it's a dream. It's important.
I want it.
I want forever.
Maybe Lucy was onto something when she chose me for Nick. Because even though it’s only been a short time, I can’t help that I lay in bed last night and dreamed about forever.
I groan, because I’m ridiculous and being ridiculous sucks. What happened with Mom and Dad was special. Normal people don’t meet and fall instantly into forever. Normal people meet, fall away and come together time and again as they learn and explore and fight and forgive each other. Mom and Dad were once in a lifetime.
But maybe this is my once in a lifetime. Maybe this my chance at my own a special fairy-tale love.
Damn, this is hard, and I’m ridiculous. Seriously. I’m crazy. I belong in the loony bin, lock me up and throw away the key.
Mom and Dad gave me unrealistic expectations of life and love, and I’m a ruined creature. Someone should just put me out of my misery, and by extension save Nick from misery. Because having any nutty woman showing up on your doorstep as a Christmas gift you weren’t expecting and don’t want can’t be conducive to happiness.
Because like I said, I have unrealistic expectations and Nick can’t fulfill them. Maybe he doesn't want to fulfill them. Maybe it’s unfair to even hope that he can. And maybe I'm just seduced by the blowing snow and crazy insane way that I met Lucy and came to be here. Maybe none of this is real. Maybe everything that I'm feeling is fabricated.
It's a Christmas wish. But it's not real. Nick isn't real.
