AllFreeNovel
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I remember sitting with Katie after her first time in high school, my arm slung around her shoulder as she cried tears of regret. The boy had taken her innocence and broke her heart the same day.
She vowed then and there to never let that happen again.
That vow was the power behind the independent, need-no-man woman who never let her heart get touched by anyone. Ever.
Body, sure. Heart? Not a chance.
I never wanted to be like that. I wanted the soft, enduring love that Mom and Dad had. The kind of love that grew rather than waned. And I held out for it with stars in my eyes and a naïveté that could have destroyed me.
But I think that this love I have with Nick is that kind of love. The kind that’s all about stars and wonder, endurance and growth, passion and commitment. It’s powerful and true.
I know, it's faster than I ever imagined love could be. And yet, I don't feel that it's too fast. I'm entirely content in this moment in my life. I am entirely content with the thought that I could give this man my life.
That I could devote myself to him,to us.
I stretch, tossing my arms above my head, my toes dipping to the footboard. That ache spreads in my body as though I ran a marathon rather than just had sex. Still, I’m happy I feel this. Without this ache, I don’t know that I’d believe last night was real. Even now, it seems like a dream. A wonder.
He consumed me. Devouring me. He was over me and in me, owning me.
I giggle under my breath, feeling giddy as I push up to see my discarded nighty on the floor. It's torn quite literally down the middle, and I’m not bothered in the least. The thing had been crazy expensive and even though there is no fixing the damage done to it, I’m keeping it all the same. It’s a memento of this night.
As I pluck it from the floor, the lacy material soft in my hands, I hear a loud meow from the hall. My eyes shoot to the open door as a flutter of nerves spill free in my chest because I’m standing in the middle of Nick’s room in the light of day, naked.
Thankfully, Claus is the only one to enter. He sees me and trots over for a scratch and another long meow before he moves to curl up on Nick’s bed. I tuck the torn nighty into my suitcase that is open on Nick’s floor, the top leaning against the wall, before I skip into the bathroom. I stand naked before the mirror, looking for signs of lost innocence, for change. But there is nothing. No fingerprints lingering on my skin. Nothing is surface level because everything is so deep. Nick touches me so deeply, I’m sure he’s branded his name on my heart. Scoring his essence into my soul.
I don’t bother showering before I dress in my Christmas pajamas. They’re an adorably printed flannel pair I’ve been saving for today with tiny Christmas trees alternating with precious blue snowflakes between stripped lines of tan, green, and blue. Then I shove my feet into puffy cream socks and beeline for a purring Claus.
“Merry Christmas, sweet boy.” Claus pushes his head into my fingers, and I giggle low for him.
Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. The scent of pine and cranberry and spice, the warmth of a fireplace, and a hot citrus turkey in the oven do me in. Not to mention pumpkin and apple pies, cookies and tiny cakes. Platters of meat and cheese, wine. Friends and family and laughter and warmth…
Really, everything to do with Christmas day has always brought me so much joy until my parents passed. The years after their death had been agony.
But this year feels different. This year feels hopeful and joyful again.
I'm excited for today.
As I turn away from Claus to head for the door, I hear little paws trotting behind me. As I near the kitchen, Claus shoots ahead, knowing I’ll give him the goods from the fridge. The pudgy little kitty is a wet food fiend.
The thought of giving Claus his wet food vanishes as I catch sight of Nick at the stove, finishing up the bacon.
I don't think as I cross the space between us, circling my arms around his waist and pressing my cheek to his back.
“Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, sunshine.” He turns in my arms, pulling me tightly against him. “How are you feeling?”
Heat stings my cheeks, but I don't look up at him. I just assure, “Perfect.”
“Good.”
I pull away and dance to the fridge where I pull out a can of wet food for a protesting Claus, slapping a heaping spoon down in his bowl.
I don’t look at Nick as I turn to put the can back in the fridge. “So, what do you usually do today?”
“On Christmas?”
“Yeah.” When he doesn't answer immediately, I turn to look at him. He lifts a shoulder, giving me a little shrug. “I usually go to my mom's. Christmas is a big thing for her. It always has been.”
