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He smiled sadly. “That’s what makes you special.”
I lurched my head back. “Really? So it wasn’t my long legs and sexy bedroom eyes after all?”
He sniffed. “Oh, they will win hands-down each time. You’re fucking gorgeous. But…” He stroked his lower lip. “I like that you’re not just looking for Mr. Right. There’s more to you.”
“Is there? Then can you point me to her? Because most days I feel like an empty shell. And I am searching for Mr. Right. Only now, who will fucking want me? I’m barren.”
Tears ran down my face again. Just saying that out loud had twisted a knife deeper into my heart.
“Oh, Savvie…” He gave me an uncertain smile. “I can call you that?”
“Yes. Of course, you can. I’m sorry. I just wanted to hit you.”
“Mm… I wouldn’t have minded.” His eyes shone with a wicked grin.
As jarring as that shift in mood was, I welcomed it because I needed a break from all this self-reflection.
“Oh god, not you too. You’re not wanting me to go all dominatrix, are you?”
“Me too?” He studied me. “How many men have you been with since we started to…” He played with his fingers, and I noticed a shy look.
“Fuck.” I finished his sentence, claiming my role as the brazen one in this dynamic. “Nothing like that. Just that Jacinta, a friend of mine, has met this guy who likes to be beaten, with her in leather.”
Carson laughed. “You’d look hot in leather, but at the back of my bike, gripping onto my waist. That’s as far as it goes. I meant I could handle you hitting me if you wanted to, given that I was trained to take punches, and therefore make a good human punching bag.”
“That’s crazy.” I laughed. “I didn’t know you owned a motorbike.”
“When I get back to Bridesmere, I’m planning to buy one.” He went serious. “Touching on that earlier subject about children—not all men need to become fathers.”
“Do you?” I asked hesitantly. This was the deepest conversation we’d ever shared, and with Carson’s gaze looking all soft and caring, my heart grew like a balloon.
“Nope. Love is more important. I mean, I like kids. But there are so many around.”
I took a moment to respond. “So, fatherhood’s not on your to-do list?”
“Nope. I can take it or leave it. I live in the now and adjust my life accordingly. I can’t think too far ahead.”
“I wouldn’t have taken you for the spontaneous type. You strike me as someone with a clear sight of where you want to be.”
“If only life was that organised.”
“You sound sad,” I said.
“I’m not. I’m here. Loving this fire and talking to a beautiful woman on a soul search.” He ran his hands down his face. “I also feel like shit for getting us into this predicament when I was meant to be protecting you.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll punish you in other ways.” I steamed up at the thought of teasing him.
“Mm… look forward to that.” He sniffed.
I pointed. “There. You see? You do like it. You’re a closet S and M freak.”
He laughed. “Nope. Promise. Not one for whips and rubber suits. Although a little spanking on that very pert, fine arse of yours makes me hot.”
I laughed. He’d already done that once, and it had turned me on.
You’re off sex. Remember?
Gettingreadyforbed,I made Carson come with me to the bathroom so I could brush my teeth, and when I returned to the living room, I pulled out a dozen different nighties, which were more silky negligees.
