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I get back in the car.
He doesn’t stop me. He merely stands in the rain—barefoot and shirtless—with a front-row seat to my exit from his life.
“You can go now,” I tell Paul, and he doesn’t ask, doesn’t argue. He simply turns the car around and drives away.
I stare out the side mirror, watching Holden shrink into nothing but a memory.My phone rings, and Paul says, “It’s rung a few times while you were out.”
I shift in my seat, find the phone tucked between me and the worn leather. Maggie’s name flashes on the screen, and I answer it before bringing it to my ear. I don’t even try to hide my misery. “Hey.”
“So… where’s the ball?” she asks, her tone solemn.
“What ball?”
“Well, is it in your court or his?”
I look down at my hand and unclench my fist, noting the indentations left by the pendant. “It’s game over, Mags.”
She’s quiet for a long moment. Then: “Who won?”
Through bleary eyes and shattered strength, I reply with the only absolute I have left. “We both lost.”
29
Holden
“You ever wonder what a slow death feels like?”
“Oh, boy,” Mia says, standing over me, blocking the sun from my eyes. I clench a fist around the pendant and tap at her leg, urging her to move.
I’d been lying on the path in the outdoor area of the shop for I don’t even know how long, staring directly into the sun until my retinas burned. I can only handle it for a few seconds at a time. It was either this or take a nice, long bath… with a toaster.
It’s been almost a week since Jamie left, and I’m pretty sure I’m dying. Slowly. Painfully. Only the pain isn’t physical.
“Where’s Benny?” I ask.
“Back home. Leo’s off tomorrow, so he’ll bring him down then.”
I try to look at her, but all I see are splotches of darkness. “So, what are you doing here?”
“Well, once upon a time,Iwas your best friend. You know, before you replaced me with a five-year-old boy.”
“I like Benny better,” I murmur. “He doesn’t call me out on my bullshit.”
“That’s because he thinks you hang the moon just for him.” She offers me her hand, and I take it, only letting go when I’m back on my feet. “And, your dad may or may not have sent me an SOS text because he thought you might need me.” She grabs a hose from a reel and waits until I’m in position in front of her: arms out, feet apart. “Face?” she asks, and I nod, hold my breath while she hoses me down. I can almost see the steam emitting from my clothes, my flesh. “Feel better?”
“Not really.”
Mia drops her hands to her sides, her head cocked slightly, big brown eyes judging me. “How bad is it?”
“Bad.”
“Unfixable bad?”
Sighing, I run a hand down my face. “I fucked up, Mia.”
* * *
Mia’s farm isn’t operational anymore, but when it was, it used to be a dairy farm. Now, it’s just a giant green field with the remnants of what once was. One of those remnants is a massive open shed where they milked the cows. I used to call it The Titty Sucking Factory. Of course, Mia hated the name, but she also hated half the shit that came out of my mouth, so whatever. Granted, I was, like, four when I came up with it, so…
