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P.S. If you ever do something like that again, I shall wring your neck.
B.
Crumpled it in a shaking hand.
Brendan. Here. Alive and scolding.
For the first time since the horrible, terrible morning when she’d turned her back upon Daigh, she laughed.
“Come in, Sabrina.” Ard-siúr welcomed her into the office with a wave of her hand and a rueful smile. “This is an unexpected return. Have a seat.” She shoved the cat off its perch upon the closest chair. “We have much to discuss.”
Despite the smile and the soothing calmness of Ard-siúr’s words, Sabrina quaked with trepidation. Would Ard-siúr send her back to Aidan? Would she take this show of blatant disobedience as further proof of Sabrina’s unfitness to become a full bandraoi priestess? Would she ask questions Sabrina couldn’t answer without betraying her naive stupidity? Would the dull ache squeezing her chest ever go away?
Ard-siúr passed around her desk. Sat down, steepling her fingers beneath her chin as she let her piercing gaze rest upon Sabrina.
She felt the usual sense of being peeled away layer by layer until no secret remained. She played with a thread upon her apron. Ran her finger along a pocket seam. Shifted on the uncomfortable chair. Let her gaze roam the room. Anything to keep from meeting that steady, all-seeing gaze.
All traces of the break-in were gone. The office remained the same cozy chamber of t
hick rugs, well-polished furniture, brightly woven wall hangings, and cheery comfort.
Her eyes drifted over images of stags in flight, a scene where striped-sailed ships shared the waves with fish-tailed maidens and selkies basked upon rocks beside their discarded sealskins, and an ornate and stylized rendering of flowers drifting in odd curls and swoops, yellow, green, blue, and crimson. Every petal and every stem accented with the same black thread.
Only one obvious gap remained in the otherwise cluttered wall where Ard-siúr had yet to hang something new.
“I was surprised when they told me you’d arrived alone.” Ard-siúr’s brows rose into her hairline. “I had assumed you would remain in Dublin at least until early summer. Did something happen to cut your visit short?”
Her expression told her she already knew every transgression and only waited for Sabrina to confess.
“I chose to return ahead of schedule.” Heat rose to her cheeks, but when she spoke her voice was steady. “You advised me to test my wings before I made the final commitment to the bandraoi. I have. This is where I belong. The order is my home, and you are my family.”
“Fine sentiments. But were you in such a hurry to let us know this epiphany that you could not wait for a suitable escort? Nor even Jane?”
She winced under a twinge of guilt. Had her flight become known? Had she left poor Jane to suffer her brother’s not-unexpected anger?
“I’m sorry, Ard-siúr. Truly. But I had to come back. I couldn’t stay. Not after . . .” It was those eyes. They made you want to confess. But it was too raw. Too painful yet to speak of. “I had to come back.”
“Did something happen in Dublin, child?”
Sabrina waved off her question with an agitated shake of her head. “No. Nothing. I’m simply ready to go through the final rituals. Please, let me join you. Don’t make me leave again.”
Ard-siúr gave another of her inscrutable smiles. “Your devotion to us is admirable. As is your self-reliance. Not many young women would attempt such a perilous journey alone.”
Was she complimenting her or scolding her? Difficult to tell.
“You must truly have longed to be here.”
“I did.”
“Or was your desire based more upon your longing to not be there?”
Sabrina faced down Ard-siúr with what she hoped was inscrutability.
“Child, you have great gifts. Your healing abilities are inexperienced but powerful. Sister Ainnir has relied upon you, perhaps more than she should have. And the other bandraoi have come to view you as one of them, despite your unpledged status. We have seen you blossom from the shy, unsure girl who shrank from her own shadow to a beautiful and accomplished young woman. You will always have a home here among us should you need it.”
Sabrina sensed a big “but” coming.
“But I am still unconvinced that you could be satisfied with life among us.”
