AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"Likewise," he said quietly, his eyes somber, as he slowly turned and walked out of her life.
Just like that.
She stared after him a long time, not moving, feeling strangely as though part of her was going with him.
If she had met him on the street, he would never have given her a second glance. She might have admired his rugged good looks, but that would have been it. Yet Kelsey felt an unexplainable loss. She resisted the urge to run after him.
She should be jumping for joy. She had just gotten what she wanted so badly. She should be ecstatic.
Thinking of her lost baby must be upsetting her—that was it! Tomorrow she could think of Nick Leonetti and not feel bereft. Yes, tomorrow she would celebrate. But not today. No, today she'd simply miss Nick Leonetti.
She stared out onto the perfectly manicured lawns of her apartment complex. Even the beauty of the flowers on her window sill didn't sooth her senses tonight. Only a silent sadness surrounded her.
I
f her baby had lived she would have been running across the lawn today. She would have fallen and scraped her knees on the concrete and Kelsey would have kissed them better and murmured sweet things to her until she stopped crying. Kelsey's life would have been full of meaning—instead of empty.
My baby—my beautiful little baby! Oh God! Why did you take her from me? All I want is to fill the void within me. To share my love with another.
Her desire for a child had taught her a lot about herself. She was tired of corporate board meetings, and trying to prove herself in a man's world. She wanted to be a woman in the fullest sense. She wanted to be a mother.
Tears pent up for much too long spilled out and Kelsey wept openly, unmindful that Dorothy might hear or see.
She hadn't cried at the funeral. She'd been in some sort of numb trance, unable to feel anything, afraid to feel anything, afraid to acknowledge her failure.
"You have to be strong Kelsey." Her father had preached that all her life. She didn't want to be strong now. She wanted the world around her to soak up her tears and share its burden with her. She wanted to feel again—love again.
It didn't matter that she could no longer see through her glasses. All that mattered was to mourn. To finally mourn aloud, unashamed.
Finally she raised herself up from her chair, squared her shoulders and wiped her tears away. Her heart felt lighter. Dear God—had Nick Leonetti unleashed all these emotions? Had he opened the door to her freedom and her eyes to another life
CHAPTER FIVE
Nick flicked the magazine open and a full page centerfold sailed to the floor, the edges of the paper worn, the colors faded. Not that he hadn't seen them before, but somehow it seemed indecent in a doctor's office. They wanted him to do what, in where? He could watch what kind of videos? Were they serious? His gaze scanned the small room with its dimmed lights, and the soft jazz music filtering through the intercom. What had he gotten himself into?
"You're kidding, right?" He had asked the nurse when she brought the specimen jar along with a towel and washrag.
"No Mr. Leonetti. Just knock on the door when you're—through."
A couple of hours later the nurse informed Nick that everything went fine for now, and if they needed him they could reach him at the address he had given the receptionist. He could go home. That's all there was to it.
All there was to it? Who were they kidding? They hadn't sat in a cold, isolated room for fifty-five minutes trying to figure out how to get turned on enough to accomplish such a task. And it hadn't been their magazines and tapes that finally accomplished it either. It had been the very vivid pictures of Kelsey wandering through his mind.
Nick stared at the nurse for a moment, his brow shooting upward in question. Perhaps Kelsey wasn't the only one that took these things so lightly. It probably happened every day at these clinics. Every day maybe—but not with him! And as far as he was concerned, never again.
Emptiness filled him as he walked home. He often walked instead of driving, preferring the exercise and fresh air. But today he wasn't noticing the fresh air, wasn't enjoying the exercise. Today questions filled his mind, creating emotions he couldn't express to anyone. He felt wrong all along, agreeing to such an arrangement. Now he was sure of it.
As he strode into his apartment that evening he heard his mother calling.
"Nicky, you got mail today."
"Mail—not bills?"
"From that O'Sullivan girl, I think."
So Kelsey had kept her word about sending him her background information. Not that he'd doubted her. She might be a mystery, but it was obvious from the start that she was full of integrity. Nick fumbled with the papers, trying to decide whether he should read them. Finally, he sat down in his favorite chair, and studied the papers in hopes of figuring out what Kelsey O'Sullivan was all about. He told himself his interest was because she might very well be the mother of his child, told himself more than once, but didn't convince himself. Deep down he began to suspect it was more than that, much more.
Inside the envelope was a smaller envelope, probably the check. He ignored it. He thought he'd find reassurance in this typed up history of Kelsey's life. He didn't. Words on a piece of white, starched paper wouldn't make his doubts go away. He'd had too long to think of questions.
