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Prologue
"Why didn't you tell me, Chad?" Savannah cried, amazed that her voice still worked. She paused, looked at him as a sudden sadness filled her, and then looked away, unable to cope with his helplessness. She didn't recognize Chad this way. Composure was out of the question, for both of them.
There was no way they could straighten this out.
"You are just so sweet, Savannah," he cried, glancing up at her with tears in his eyes. "I couldn't bear to hurt you."
Sweet! She was sick of hearing that word. She didn't feel sweet at this moment. She wanted to shout, scream, throw a fit, and yet, every time she looked into Chad's pitiful face, she knew she couldn't.
He continued in a choked voice, as though she weren't even there.
"I couldn't. I haven't told anyone. I mean...how could I? You know my folks as well as I. They'd never accept it. This isn't something you just blurt out Savannah. My brothers have all succeeded in life. Our parents, they've had such dreams for you and I." he replied, his hoarse whispering words echoing in the emptiness of the house. A house that would have been hers one day. A house she had contemplated cleaning and filling with children.
Savannah looked around the charming old house, thinking of the many times she had dreamed of making it such a beautiful home, now it was all lost. It would never be hers.
"You should have told me!" Savannah heard the bitterness in her own voice spill over, as she wiped away a tear. She pressed her lips together in silent anger, not at Chad, but rather herself for not knowing how to handle this situation. "Didn't you think I could understand? I always thought we could talk about anything."
How could she have been so blind, so naive? They had friends that were gay. She accepted them with all her heart. But Chad...
Why couldn't she see what had happened to Chad? Why hadn't she at least suspected something was different? Oh she wondered why he hadn't taken things a little farther, but she thought him only being gallant. Now she knew better, and it hurt to know better.
"I know. You are absolutely right, about that. I should have opened up to you about it long ago. In time, maybe you'll forgive me." He glanced up at her, then down, unable to meet her steady gaze. All he could do was sit there, obvious discomfort and withdrawal mingled. "I should have at least told you," Chad reprimanded himself. "But Savannah, I didn't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. You mean so much to me, Savannah. I mean, you're such a sweet little thing. I admire you...endlessly, Savannah. After all the well laid plans we've had. I do love you...in a way. That's why I let it go on so long. Being married to you wouldn't be so bad..."
There it was again, that word sweet. Be so bad? He made her sound pitiful….Sweet, naive, ignorant fool.
"I'm glad I found out," Savannah sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly, "...in time."
"Yeah, I guess." His voice was soft, yet alarmed. "I have a feeling I've lost something very special...you!"
"Chad, let's don't go there. Please, don't confuse me, not now. Everything is just too...exposed right now. I need some time. We can still be friends. I do love you…."
"I know...I'm sorry. I really don't know how I'm ever going to break it to my family." He said hanging his head as though already receiving their rejection.
Savannah looked at him, willing her lips not to tremble as she spoke. "Well...you have to come up with some explanation. I'm leaving..."
"Leaving? Now?" He suddenly stood up, grabbed her by the shoulders, and then let go.
"Well you certainly don't expect me to go through with this...wedding of ours, now do you?" Savannah stared at him in astonishment.
He firmed his lips and frowned helplessly, gesturing with his hands in midair. "No, I guess not."
"Chad you can't live a lie. And neither can I." Despite everything, she still had feelings for Chad but those feelings had changed, drastically, in a matter of minutes. She wanted to help him. And she wanted him to be happy. So he would have to stand on his own and be the man she knew he could be.
He nodded slowly, his hands going to her shoulders, gently this time, as he stared into her eyes, "If I could love a woman....I'd love you."
Savannah watched his face closely, as though searching for the Chad she thought she knew so well. "Somehow, I believe that. But it doesn't change a thing. You have got to tell your parents...my parents, the truth. You have to straighten this out, Chad."
"Oh, Savannah, I can't do that...not now, not yet!" Chad cried, his movements’ jerky as his hand went to his forehead and he reeled away from her, unable to face her any longer. "I love my parents, your parents. I can't just blurt something like this out. It would kill them. You know that. They could never accept it. I'm not even sure I accept it. Losing you is the biggest tragedy in my life."
"Thank you for that." Savannah twisted about, her wedding dress swishing around her as she moved hurriedly to face Chad again. The very sound of it irritated her. Everything irritated her right now.
Chad didn't want to face her; he didn't want to look at her.
He looked so handsome standing there in his black tux, his light blond hair immaculate, and his blue eyes pleading with her to understand. And she did to an extent. Only, why hadn't she figured it out? It was maddening to think she was that naive.
"How long do you need?" She barely whispered the words, holding her breath for his answer.
"A lifetime?" An indefinable emotion colored his blue eyes with dark foreboding.
"Impossible. You've got to face this head on. I can't hide out forever. You've got to straighten this out and soon. For both our sakes." When he sat so stone still, she shook his shoulder, "Do you understand?"
"You're absolutely right, of course. But...I don't know how to do it...yet." He paused, glancing at her again. "Where will you go?" Chad asked, his face laced with concern as he finally looked her in the eyes.
