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"I don't know. This wasn't a planned event. I really don't know....but—I've got an aunt, out west, no one ever visits her. Maybe I will." Savannah sighed heavily, unable to look at Chad any longer. It was obvious Chad didn't want to confront the congregation waiting at the church across the street, nor their parents. His courage had waned and somehow she had to reinforce its importance.
"That's good thinking."
Savannah wanted to cry, wanted to shout, wanted to run as far away as possible. She couldn't face that crowd, either. She hadn't had the time to think. All she knew was that she couldn't marry Chad.
He couldn't possibly know how much he had hurt her. Her pending marriage had been all she had thought about for months. The preparations she'd made, the dreams she had, all gone. Perhaps she had been in love with the idea of marriage itself, but nonetheless, those hopes and dreams had gone
by the wayside this morning. Crushed! One moment, peeping out into the rose garden had destroyed her future.
Why did her mother insist on the biggest wedding of the century? She and Chad had both agreed they wanted a small wedding. Why had she allowed her mother to take charge of what started out as a simple ceremony between two people? Now, here she was in this designer wedding gown, looking for the nearest exit. And Chad...poor Chad.
She should be mad. She should scream, protest, throw something, but all she wanted to do was sit down and have a long cry. And it hurt holding it back now. But one of them had to be strong.
"You can't tell anyone where I'm going, Chad. Do you understand?"
"Yes, of course I won't. Savannah..." He looked at her sheepishly, then in desperation he pleaded, "If you can keep my secret a while longer, I can surely keep yours. But Savannah..."
"What?" she nearly shouted, her emotions seemed to be going up and down a roller coaster ride of extremes. One minute she wanted to comfort Chad, the next she wanted to strangle him.
Emotions were not a luxury right now. She had to think.
"I'm sorry. For so many things. For leading you on, for letting this get so out of hand. For being...me!" Chad cried, and then he chewed at his bottom lip.
The sincerity in his voice had Savannah nearly in tears again, but she had wept all she planned to for the moment. She wouldn't cry, not yet at least. There would be a time, but now was not it.
Nothing had changed...except they wouldn't be getting married. She still loved Chad, differently of course, but she loved him nonetheless. She couldn't just turn the love off. Even now. If only the family could come to understand. Coming from such a rich aristocratic family, denial would come first, then later, much later, acceptance. But knowing them as she did she was sure they wouldn't be prepared for this anymore than she had been!
Understand? She didn't understand it either!
How could one know someone for so many years, and yet not know them at all?
She had all of thirty minutes to plan, and think of how she was going to handle things. The congregation was sitting in that church across the street waiting for her untimely appearance. Her father was probably pounding on the dressing room door by now.
Right or wrong, she'd made her own decision, this morning. She wasn't marrying Chad. Running out on Chad like this seemed the coward’s way out, yet, what she had just faced was still fresh in her mind and she felt she had every right. Perhaps she had opted for the easy way out of this situation, too.
There wasn't time to plan it out, think it through. She had to act, and now.
She'd think about all of this later, right now, they had to make some quick decisions and she had to form some kind of plan for her life. Some kind of future. A future without Chad. It seemed so dismal, so hopeless.
"A month," she said slowly.
"A month?" he wailed. "Oh God, Savannah, I don't know if I can do it in that time."
"You have to."
"But you won't be able to see their faces, the hurt, and anguish. How can I ruin that smile on Mama's face?" He asked sincerely once more. "She's wanted us to marry for years. How can I possibly tell her now?"
"That's something she'll have to learn to get over, as I will." Savannah took Chad's hands in hers, "Look Chad. You chose this life. It was your decision, now you must face up to that decision. You have to tell them. Within a month."
Chad paced, and Savannah watched him sadly. She couldn't weaken. She had to be strong for them both. But if she was strong why were her limbs trembling so? Why did she feel as though her whole life was suddenly in ruin?
"Maybe Douglas will help you." She offered.
"Oh God...Savannah. I'm not sure I can do this." Chad said and flopped into the recliner again. "We didn't plan it. Honestly. I'm not sure how it happened, it just did."
"It doesn't matter now. It's done. You have to face it, Chad, for both our sakes. I'm leaving you at the altar. Everyone is going to blame me. But you know..."
"Yes, it's my fault!" He practically choked on his own words.
