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What she found was John sitting at the kitchen table, his hands folded in prayer.
"Where is she, John?" Beth asked breathlessly as she joined him at the table.
"She done run off, Beth. She left this note." He handed it to her.
Dear John and family,
I've moved on, I hope you all can understand. John won't divorce me and I can't live there any more. We don't love each other and I want a better life. Please understand I love my family, but I won't bring shame and dishonor on them for what I do. And John all I can say is, I'm sorry…
Martina
Beth stared at the letter for a long while and tears came rolling down her cheek. "She's gone…"
"I was pretty sure she didn't love me when I married her, but I was lonely and thought having her with me would make everything better for both of us. But in many ways, Martina was still just a child. Maybe that's what I liked about her most. She was childlike. Someone to cuddle with and all. I couldn't keep her. She was like a wild filly."
"I saw that in her John when I come home. I didn't want to admit it, but I saw it. I did. I'm so sorry."
"She didn't have to work or do much around here, I just wanted her to be here when I came in from work every day, to share my day with her. But it wasn't enough." John shook his head. "I thought together we might make a go of this place and make something of it."
Beth stared at him strangely, "You were in love with her, weren't you?"
"Sure I was. Had been for a while. When she let me court her I thought everything was going to work out. But it didn't. She never loved me back." John cried.
"I'm sorry John. I'm sorry. Did she…leave alone?"
"I don't know." He shook his head, helplessly.
Beth went to the counter, pumped some water into the bowl and washed his dishes for him. He watched her as though he didn't really see her.
"I hope she comes back someday, grown up and ready to face life, head on." Beth said sadly.
"If she…gets a hold of your folks. Tell them, I'll give her a divorce, if that's what she really wants." John said as Beth got up to go. "I won't hold her no more."
Beth nodded dully. "If we can do anything for you, let us know."
"Bring her back to me. That's all, just bring her back." He said dully.
Beth walked home that evening crying. She'd lost her sister.
She told her folks and Mother Cahill what happened that night. Her father went to the barn and stayed there until bed time. Beth sat with the kids most of the evening, telling them stories about the boat and making them giggle.
When her Pa came back in the house, Beth was waiting for him at the kitchen table.
"I'm sorry Pa. I blamed you for it all. It wasn't you. It was something lacking in her." Beth took hold of his hands. "None of us saw it Pa. Maybe if we had, we could have helped her, but we were just blind."
"When you went off and seemed so happy, I thought I'd done the right thing. I thought by making you face the fact that you weren't a kid no more, you'd grow up. And you did. You even fell in love with your husband, which was what me and your Ma hoped for all along. But Martina, she just kind of went crazy when you left. We thought marriage might straighten her out, but she got worse instead of better."
The sound of his voice had Beth staring, he was all choked up and the way he slurred some of his words told her he was near tears.
"I guess there are times when we can't help people no matter how close we are to them. Maybe she just has to grow up on her own, Pa." Beth exclaimed. "Maybe she has to get far away from all of us, to grow up."
"When you going back to the boat?" He asked, his voice still tight with emotions he couldn't express.
"Thought I'd stay a couple of weeks. But I am anxious to get back. Wade is under a lot of pressure and maybe I can help him." Beth told him.
"What's going on?"
"The Confederates are using his boat to transport soldiers and guns up toward the northern lines. The Yankee's want him to inform on them. And he's considering it since the south is hounding him to join up. There is talk of conscription too. If that happens the boys will be called up."
