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He stopped suddenly, and held her at arms length. His eyes searched hers. "I'd never take an advantage you didn't want…I thought you knew that. I thought you trusted me."
"I do…" she closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. "But…this…is passion Cord…not love…I know the difference. And you come here and sweep me off my feet. I'm not sure I could say no."
Something changed in his expression.
The smile that slid across his handsome face melted her reserves.
"God knows I want you Lilly. That's true. And I've never wanted many women. I won't lie, I've had a few, but they were not fulfilling moments. It was nothing but pure lust. I know the difference too. honey. I've learned that lust isn't what I want. It's just so different with you. When we kiss, I feel things I've never felt before. My heart's lonesome for those kinds of things. I want more than your body. I want what's in here…" His hand went to her heart.
She moaned softly. How could a man like Cord who was tough and rough, be so gentle?
His hand touched silk and sweet warm flesh and her knees nearly buckled. But the miraculous thing was, he was shaking. Her hand went behind her to turn the knob of the door, and she led him into the bedroom.
As she stared at him her heart drummed, he felt it.
"You've said everything, but the one thing I need to hear…from you."
"Dammit Lilly, " he tried to focus away from her. He tried to stop the feelings between them. But it was no use. "I don't use the word love frivolously." He shook his head slowly. "I'd never say it unless I meant it. Especially to you."
Why couldn't he say it? Why couldn't he tell her how much he loved her. It was inside, in his heart. Didn't she feel it?
"Obviously," she sobered some. She was drunk with the passion he created and she didn't know where it was going. She pulled away and turned her back to him. "I guess I should thank you for that."
"It's not that, Lilly. You don't understand. Right now, right this minute, I want you. This isn't the right time to tell you how I feel. Lilly, I do love you, in a million different ways." His eyes glittered now. "But every time I say something, you call it lust. It isn't lust that makes we want you when I'm alone. It isn't lust that makes me want to please you so. It isn't lust that makes me want to build you the best house and make everything grand for you and Charlie."
He gently turned her around, and lifted her chin. He stared at her, his eyes looking deeper than the physical.
"What we have is mutual, I know that. You feel the same things I feel. I see it in your eyes. I feel your heartbeat. You haven't said it either, Lilly. Maybe…" he reflected. "Maybe we are both afraid to say it. because there is something between us and you know it. It nearly drives me crazy because I want you so bad. And Lilly, I've never wanted a woman that bad before, that I didn't take. The only love I've known is my family, and that's what I want us to be. My family is gone, so is yours. And the only thing that fills my heart now is you and Charlie."
She gasped, trying to decide if this was love or not and yet those words….
She whirled around, tears in her eyes, "Then maybe when we can say it aloud to each other, we'll mean it!"
He nodded. "I believe that. If we weren't sincere about our feelings. If we didn't care…we'd be in that bed, right now, making love. Because the wanting is awfully powerful Lilly. But what I want from you doesn't come from a bed. I want you heart, your soul, I want to be one with you!"
"Yes," she cried desperately. They both looked at the bed, longingly.
"I know that is lust. What I feel when I'm around you is such a contentment…can you understand that? That's why I'm here right now, to feel that contentment surround me. You make me happy. I can't even remember happy. But you bring it to me. I need you Lilly."
She nodded slowly. "Yes," she agreed softly. "I can understand. You are a good man Cord, an honest one too."
"I've been looking for something all my live, Lilly. I came home…and there you were. You were like a breath of fresh air to me. You came into my arms, like an angel. Maybe I'm reading more into this than I should, but when you kissed me…I felt like I had really come home. It changed things between us. And it'll never go back to the same relationship we had. We can't ju
st be friends any longer. It was sudden and it was beautiful."
"But marriage Cord…it's a big step."
"I know that." He took her into his arms, and smiled, "But what I want from you is more than that…Lilly. Much more…"
She closed her eyes once more and clung to him. "Hold me…hold me close…" She cried.
And he did. He held her for a long time, cradling her in his arms, trying to fuse her mind with his. Their hearts drummed against each other.
"I know you want hearts and flowers and love songs, but I'm not that kind of man. And I'm honest, Lilly. I wouldn't lie to you. I'd never hurt you. You've come to mean so much to me."
"Why did you come here tonight?" She barely uttered. "The real reason?"
"I had to be near you…I know it doesn't make much sense. I've never needed anyone. Never. But Lilly, I need you." he admitted. She heard the break in his voice as he went on. "Sometimes…I feel so very alone…But…never with you. I have been alone a long time. Too long. It's that strange feeling I get when I'm around you. It feeds my strength and makes me want to go on. I came here to kiss you, hold you, tell you what you mean to me. It's more than one word, Lilly."
