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My breath came out in a rush as a moving blob appeared and tears sprang to my eyes when I heard the rapid, steady heartbeat through the speakers. Ivan’s hand tightened around mine and I spared a look at him to see him staring at the image of our baby.
“Can you tell if it’s a boy or a girl yet?” I asked.
“It’s a bit too soon for that,” Dr. Freeman said, moving the wand to try to get different angles. “But everything looks and sounds good.” She smiled at both of us. “Maybe in a few more weeks we’ll know the sex.”
“Let’s keep it a secret,” Ivan said, surprising me. “The fact it’s healthy is the most important thing.”
I was relieved to hear him say that, secretly frightened he might be disappointed if it wasn’t a boy. He still stared at the screen with an inscrutable expression, even after Dr. Freeman took away the wand. She printed out some pictures, took my blood pressure, and packed up to leave.
Once she was gone, Ivan sat on the couch and pulled me onto his lap. “Tell me what you want more than anything else, Reina,” he said. “Even though nothing can compare to what you’re giving me, I want to try.”
As touching as this was, thoughts of my father flooded back. He’d never get to see his grandchild, even though he should have been healthy and happy and as excited as I was. All the fun of the self-defense lesson was erased, along with my relief from another clean bill of health for the baby. All I felt was that same impotent anger and bone-crushing grief all over again. I scrambled off of Ivan’s lap and ran for the balcony, barely getting the door shut behind me before I dissolved into tears.
Ivan followed me a moment later, gripping my shoulders and trying to get me to look at him. I shrugged away from him, inconsolably sobbing into my hands.
“Ah, Reina,” he said, sounding as tortured as I felt. “Please don’t ask me to let you go. You’re mine, my sweet queen, and what’s more, it’s too dangerous.”
He thought I was crying because he couldn’t give me what he thought I most wanted. “It’s not that,” I said, trying to get myself under control. “It’s nothing to do with you.”
“Tell me what it is, then,” he commanded.
I gripped the balcony railing and felt his hand on my back, soft and comforting. But I couldn’t be comforted. I whirled to face him.
“Fifteen months ago my father was murdered. He owned a hardware store, just a little shop that got by because of lifelong loyal customers and the fact he was so helpful and knowledgeable about any tool you’d ever need. He was out back, just before closing one night, and someone shot him. Not a robbery—they just killed him. He was all I had…”
I trailed off, too wracked by sobs thinking about how he hadn’t been found for hours. No one would take me seriously when I called the police to report he was late coming home and not answering his phone. He always answered my calls. I tried to tell Ivan how I’d finally gone looking for him, only to find him long dead in a pool of blood.
“And they still haven’t found his killer. I don’t think they’re really even trying anymore,” I finished, exhausted.
Ivan pulled me into his arms and stroked my back. I collapsed against his strong chest, accepting his comfort and feeling lighter after getting it all out. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held on.
“My father was assassinated by mobsters, so I can understand the loss,” he said slowly, as if opening up to me was as difficult as prying open a rusty chest kept in the attic for too long. “I know what it's like to have him stolen unfairly by another person and to feel the rage at the injustice of it.”
“This is all I want, Ivan,” I told him. “Just for you to be sweet and let me in. It’s awful, worrying and not knowing what’s going on in your life.”
He made a rumbling noise in his chest. When I tipped my head back, he leaned down to kiss me tenderly. “Always, my queen. I don’t want you to worry about me.”
“How can I not, when I never know what you’re doing, except that it’s probably dangerous?”
He frowned, then nodded. “I’ll tell you what I can, from now on.”
“That means so much to me,” I sighed, standing on tiptoe to kiss him again.
The kiss grew heated, and my grip on him tightened as his hands roamed lower down my back. This was what I needed. It had been too long.
He pulled away with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry to leave you now. Believe me, I want to stay. But I have a meeting scheduled with the Balakin family to discuss the breach of our truce last night.”
I was stunned he actually told me instead of just storming off. I pulled his face down for another kiss. “Come and find me as soon as you’re back,” I told him urgently. I wasn’t embarrassed to admit how much I needed him after baring my soul the way I did.
“The moment I return,” he promised, giving me a look that melted my panties.
After he was gone, I paced the length of my living room, deciding that staying in ignorance might have been a better option. I’d never been so worried about him before when I didn’t know what was going on. Or maybe it was because suddenly the thought of losing him had somehow become unbearable.
Chapter 14 - Ivan
I met up with Aleksei at a bar halfway between my club and the hotel the Balakins operated out of. I wanted it to be neutral ground and hoped the amount of innocent bystanders at the small pub would keep things civil. I didn’t trust Sergey or his wildcard son as far as I could throw either of them, but I didn’t trust many people. My youngest brother, Yuri, was fed up and told us to call him when we had tax questions, and I didn’t want Nikolai there, afraid he’d end up being the one who couldn’t remain civil.
The entire time Sergey assured me he had his son under control, I kept my fists clenched in my lap, picturing the way he’d taunted my wife. But I couldn’t explain the seriousness of the offense without admitting Reina was my wife and putting an even bigger target on her back. So I nodded and accepted his apologies. We hashed out a new deal that was mostly acceptable to both of us and Aleksei, and I stayed behind after Sergey left.
