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I want to tell her no. The uncomfortable feeling of what we just did and why settles over me, but she clings tighter as I move to pull out, and I hear her let out a breath like a hiss.
“I hurt you.”
“A little. It felt amazing.” There’s only honesty in her tone, and I roll to the side, allowing my fingers to brush down her stomach, then past her folds to her entrance, which is dripping with a mixture of our shared orgasm. I push one inside her, letting her slowly start to tighten around me, and she breathes out a sigh of contentment as she knocks her forehead into my shoulder. “I know you like your space, so it’s okay if you want to throw me out.”
“Self-deprecation isn’t attractive on anyone, princess,” I chastise, even as I flick my finger inside her, making her gasp and groan. “You can stay.”
She hums, then nuzzles me with her nose. It’s sweeter than what I’m used to, and I’m almost terrified to let myself enjoy it. But her breathing begins to even out, and it’s in that moment I realize having her there in my bed after everything we just sold to Kane’s vendetta feels absolutely right.
Chapter18
ALICE
I don’t knowwhy I was expecting to wake up in bed with Phoenix, and the emptiness sits in my gut like a stone. My body is aching all over from the tension of yesterday and the reality of what I agreed to. I have no regrets that I chose Phoenix, but there’s a small part of me afraid now that the others will resent me for what I did.
Phoenix seemed to want it—to want me—but now that he’s gone, I’m starting to wonder if maybe I read the whole thing wrong.
I can still feel the ghost of his hands on me, though—and the press of his lips, the sharpness of his teeth that left marks on my breast. I’m sore as hell between my legs because no toy that I’ve ever used fucked me with the same power he did.
Standing up, I see that my clothes are missing, but there’s a robe lying across a chair, so I wrap it around me and make my way across the hall to my bedroom. The door’s cracked, and it smells freshly clean with a light rose scent. When I push inside, my heart begins to hammer because my bed is absolutely covered in…
Stuff.
Mystuff.
Jeans, shirts, leggings, sweaters, shoes. There’s not a spare inch of space showing my duvet, and half the stuff looks like it came from my dorm. When I turn to face the dresser, I see several more boxes piled in the corner, and curiosity gets the better of me.
Pulling the corner up, I peer down and see all of my books are there, just like I left them. I paw through them for a minute, looking for my favorite book, and my heart gives a hard, sad thump when I find it missing. It doesn’t matter, of course. I have everything else, but something in me aches because it was the one moment in the last two years I felt cared for.
Until now.
Maybe. Sort of.
I have no idea what the fuck this means.
My brain’s refusing to process any of it, so I dig through the pile of crap for my comfy jeans and a long-sleeve shirt, along with a sports bra and some panties that actually fit properly. I step into the bathroom and half expect to be accosted by someone else in the house as I duck under the hot spray, but by the time I’m done washing my hair and scrubbing the last of Phoenix from my skin, I’m still alone.
And it hurts. But that’s to be expected.
They just need me for revenge against my father. Kane was open and honest with me when he told me that he intended to use me to take those things away from my father to make him suffer before he was killed.
Now that I’ve given myself to them and agreed to Kane’s terms, there’s no reason for them to woo me anymore.
They won’t ever love me the way they love each other, and that’s something I’ll need to accept. Sooner rather than later, otherwise, I’m going to drive myself literally insane.
With no one to impress, I get dressed and braid my hair and don’t even consider my reflection before grabbing a pair of socks and making my way downstairs. I feel a little freer now, which is strange considering I just signed my life and my future to these men to do whatever they want with me.
Yes, I have some choice. If I want to have children, I can. If I want to tie all that shit up inside my womb and refrain from subjecting a new life to this world, I can do that too. And Kane made it perfectly clear he wants to marry me, but I know it’ll be in name alone.
He can parade the last faux-Romano daughter around on his arm as his—the triumph over that family. There doesn’t need to be love or affection involved.
But it’s not very different from what my father had planned for me. It’s just…kinder, I suppose?
I swallow thickly as I head into the kitchen, but there’s no staff in today, and the idea of cooking seems too daunting. Grabbing an apple from the counter, I make my way out of the terrace doors and come to a stop along the concrete railing.
This is the first time I’ve ever stopped to really look at it. The breeze catches fragrance from all of the flowers planted, and I see low, thick bushes lining each walkway. The paths are neat and smooth, and all of the plants are sort of fluffy—giving me the urge to just lie down in them and bury myself in them.
I realize, after a beat, that it’s all laid out for Phoenix. It’s a feast of the senses but not really for the eyes. Yes, the flowers are gorgeous, and yes, everything is so green. But it’s not meant to engage my vision. My heart thuds in my chest as I think about him and the way he held me and touched me and fucked me.
