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“It’s whatever,” he grumbles. “Levi brought up some Advil and a water bottle for you. Take it and let’s get out of here.”
Once I’ve swallowed the pills and downed the rest of the water, Conrad and I make our way downstairs to meet the rest of the guys. My head feels less foggy after the shower, but the slight pounding is still lingering.
Levi throws me a piece of buttered toast when I enter the kitchen. “Here. Get something in your stomach. I’m not so forgiving if you puke in my car.”
I eat the offered food and let it settle in my stomach before saying anything. “Thanks. I think I’m good, though.”
“All right,” Mateo calls our attention. “Anyone know where this bitch lives?”
We all look at Maddox, and he raises his eyebrows. “What? Do not look at me like that.”
“Dude, you’re the only one here who consistently boned her. Safe to assume you did it at her place,” Mateo answers.
Maddox looks offended. “Our boy Conrad here was all up in that just as much as I was.”
Conrad laughs. “Twice, man, and I never chased her and pounded on her door on my hands and knees to get her to let me in and fuck me.”
“I told you that in confidence!”
“Can we end this arguing? Mad, we obviously know you’ve been to the she-witch’s house. We will never let you live it down how you practically begged her for sex, so just get in the car and lead us to her.” I want to get this over with and need answers as to what happened last night.
“Fine,” he grumbles. “Let’s go.”
We all follow Levi out the door and into his SUV. My palms begin to sweat as we get closer to the girl who may or may not have destroyed my relationship. As we drive, I try not to think of Blaire and what I imagine is running through her head right now. I want nothing more than to go to her and wrap my arms around her in bed. The only thing stopping me is I know I am the last person she wants near her right now. I’m the one who caused this, and I can’t be the one to comfort her, even though everything in me screams that this is wrong.
I need answers, no matter what those answers are. Whatever I find out, I need to figure out a way to fix this. I need Blaire. I need her love, her trust, and her heart. This can’t be what ruins us.
33
BLAIRE
My tears are dried up and I have nothing left in my eyes to come out. I haven’t left my bed since yesterday. My body hurts, but not as bad as my heart. I have never known pain like this before. Even when my friends and family betrayed me, it didn’t hurt as bad as the man I gave my heart to breaking me the way he did. The worst part? I still freaking love him no matter how much I will myself not to.
The sun rose hours ago, but I have no idea what time it is. Emree has come to my door several times to check on me, but I don’t answer her. I can’t. My throat burns from the night of crying and I know if I try to say anything, no words will come out. It’s not like I want to answer her anyway, so the fact that my body is linked with my mind and heart works in my favor.
Luckily, I don’t have work today, so there is no need to worry about smiling and faking it in front of customers. I can’t imagine mustering up enough energy to get ready and go there anyway. I can barely even roll myself over to the other side of the bed.
All night the image of Chloe and Camden ran through my head. I would squeeze my eyes shut, hoping anything else would come to mind other than that visual, but I couldn’t escape it. It replays over and over and each time, I crumble a little more. Sleep never came to me last night and part of me wonders if I could pass out. Maybe then I could escape the nightmare that is my life.
I trusted this man. The first man I let into my body, mind, and heart. He had all of me in the short amount of time we knew each other, and I am left broken at the end of it. I should have continued the way I had been living for the last four years. Letting people in only leads to getting hurt in the end and I’m tired of this happening to me. I’m tired of feeling like this.
More time goes by, and my bladder decides it has had enough and I get up to relieve it. As I sit up, my head feels dizzy, and I steady myself before standing. My body feels drained as I walk to the door. While I open it, I peek outside and check for Emree. I don’t see her and take the three steps to the bathroom across the hall quickly. After emptying my bladder, I wash my hands and sneak back into my room and lock myself in it again.
As I lean against the door, I can’t help but stare at the bed in the middle of my room. Two months ago, this was a normal queen-sized bed that I used to sleep, read, or do homework in. Now? Well, now it holds far too many memories. When I look at this bed and its white comforter with flowers coming up from the bottom, all I can think about are the nights Camden held me. The nights we made love, and he had my body feeling more alive than I could ever imagine. Then there are the nights we would lie there, me on his chest and his arm around my shoulders, watching some comedy he would pick or a romance movie of my choice. Those nights were a personal favorite of mine. Or even the ones where I would be reading a book of mine and Camden would be studying his soccer notes from his coach. On those nights, he would idly be touching me. It didn’t matter that we were doing two different things. He would blindly find my hand and link our fingers or run his fingertips up and down my back. It would be as if he couldn’t not touch me if we were that close.
Just when I thought there were no more tears left in me, a few escape as I’m reminded of perfect nights we spent together. Each day with him I fell more in love. He made it so easy with his sweet words, kind gestures, and the way he made me feel safe and loved.
Deciding to avoid the area that holds far too many memories, I go to my desk and take a seat in the chair. Opening the drawer, I pull out the box of tissues in there and blow my nose and dry my face.
Just before closing the drawer, something catches my eye and I stop. The letters. The letters from another person who had broken me, but in a different way. I haven’t gotten a new one since before classes started and have completely forgotten about them. Reaching inside, I grab the stack of letters and close the drawer. Maybe it’s my weakened heart or maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, but something inside tells me to open them.
Not here, though. Not in a room that haunts me with memories of a man I love far too much, yet want to forget about. I need to get away from here. Away from anything that reminds me of Camden Collins.
After changing into a pair of jean shorts and a long-sleeved shirt, I grab the stack of letters and dump them into my purse. Cracking the door open again, I search for Emree, but the apartment is quiet. As I make my way out the door and through the living room, a piece of paper on the island catches my eye. It’s a note from Emree telling me she had to leave for work but would have her phone on her and to call her if I needed anything at all. I had completely forgotten she picked up a shift today for one of the other girls who covered hers to go to one of the boys’ games.
In no time, I am in my car and driving with no thought in sight. All I know is I needed to get out of that house. I don’t know what would hurt worse, the fact that Camden hasn’t shown up or called or if he had called and shown up. Either way, I need to get him out of my mind. I need a distraction and a place that holds no memories of us.
A place comes to mind. Somewhere I haven’t been since last spring. Somewhere I know I can find peace and I have zero memories of the man I love far too much.
