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“But you’re old enough now that they don’t get to make the decisions for you anymore if you don’t agree with them,” he went on. “You can go to school wherever the hell you want.”
She glanced up. “They won’t pay for it.”
“That’syour excuse?” He rolled his eyes. “Come on, Shaq, you’re smart as fuck.”
The word startled her. She wasn’t unaccustomed to hearing curse words. Shewasin high school—albeit a conservative religious one—but she couldn’t remember Auden using that kind of language with her before. It did something to her, made her feel like he was showing her a glimpse of the real him, not the one who was the polite golden son in his family, but who he was at school with his friends.
“You can probably get a free ride to go almost anywhere,” he continued.“Youhold that power. You may upset your grandparents. You might piss them off. But it’s your life you’re making decisions about. When you graduate, you can do what you want. Go to the school you want. Date who you want. Maybe break a rule every now and then.” He leaned forward like he was sharing a secret. “I love my family, but believe me, living a couple of hours away and not worrying about tarnishing the family name or people talking shit about you at social events if you make a mistake…it’s a freedom you can’t even imagine.”
The picture he was painting was one she couldn’t wrap her head around. Actual freedom. No one looking over her shoulder. No one making her endlessly check in. No one putting rules on her that didn’t apply to everyone else. It sounded equal parts terrifying and magical. But she also knew that if she left, she’d break her grandparents’ hearts—hearts that had already been shattered by her mom’s behavior and then the tragedy of losing their only daughter.
“I don’t know if I could do that to my grandparents. After everything they’ve been through, they’ve worked so hard to get me here.”
“And theyhavegotten you here,” he said. “But it’s not like you’re thinking of dropping out of school to go be a groupie for a rock band or something. You would only be choosing another great school to get the degree that you want.” He flicked a hand toward her. “They wouldn’t need to worry about you. It’s not like you’d go to college and go wild. You’re you.”
She straightened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He smiled. “Oh, don’t get your hackles up, Shaq. I’m just saying, no matter where you go, you’re the girl who’s going to do her homework and go to her classes and get the As. You’re not going to be playing beer pong and strip poker at the frat houses.” He shrugged. “Your grandparents have already done their job. They’ve raised themselves a proper young lady.”
She narrowed her eyes at the tone he’d used on those last three words. “You’re making fun of me.”
He chuckled, a soft sound that came from deep in his chest. “I like seeing you get a little mad. It’s good to get mad sometimes. But I’m really not trying to tease you.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s just, I know the deal,” he said, expression softening into one more serious. “All that press your mom’s murder got, the way she was painted in the media. It reflected on your grandparents, and they overcorrected with you. They wanted a different outcome, so they got really strict.”
Bitterness bubbled up in her. The killer had taken her mom’s life, but the press had added to the tragedy, destroying her reputation. “Well, I can guarantee that if someone were to kill me, it definitely wouldn’t be dubbed the Party Girl Murder like my mom’s was.”
He grimaced. “For the record, I think that name is bullshit. So what if she was seeing a few guys at the same time? Who cares? Calling her a party girl is misogynistic.”
Her gaze flicked upward, meeting his eyes.
His lips curved a little at her surprise. “Look at me, learning big words at college. But all I’m saying is that anyone with any sense can see that you’re more responsible than most adults. If there were an encyclopedia entry forGood Girl,your picture would be right there.”
She groaned, her face heating. “Speaking of misogynistic terms.”
He grinned from behind his water. “Sorry. NotGood Girl.Responsible Young Womanwho is going to be successful at whichever college she chooses.”
“You make me sound like the most boring person on Earth.” She tipped her head back and closed her eyes. “Maybe I am. My cold case episode would be called theWho Was She Again? Murder.”
Auden made a sound of displeasure, and O’Neal felt the air shift. She lowered her head and opened her eyes, finding him standing right in front of her. He put his hands on her shoulders. “Hey, none of that. No talking of your own murder, Ms. Morbid. And I didn’t say you were boring. You’re…”—he looked thoughtful—“stoic. My guess is that you have a whole lot going on behind the quiet. But if you keep letting other people make decisions for you, you’ll become whotheywant you to be. Believe me, I’ve been there.” He gave her a long look and then put his mouth next to her ear, his breath gentle against her skin. “Can I tell you a secret?”
She swallowed hard at his proximity, at the summery pool scent of him, and nodded.
The words tickled her neck as he whispered, “I’m really not that bad at math.”
Her lips parted.
He lifted his head, hands still on her shoulders and gaze sparkling. “So if who they want you to be is not whoyouwant to be, then you’re going to have to piss some people off, Shaq. You’re going to have to surprise them.”
“Right,” she said softly.Surprise them.
“I bet you could,” he said, voice barely above a whisper.
The heat of his palms was burning into her bare shoulders, and he was close, so close. The sliver of space between them felt like it would spark if she brushed against it. Her longtime crush on him pulsed through her like a living thing. She’d never wanted to kiss someone so much in her life. What would he taste like? Would he kiss her back? Would he want more than that? Her grandparents always said kisses were dangerous invitations.
Auden held the eye contact, something new flickering in his gaze, something curious.
