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Her heart was hammering, her stomach queasy, and her head throbbing. She sat down on the edge of his bed. “Sorry. I just…am not used to this sneaking around thing.”
“Yeah, not my favorite thing either.” He walked over and turned his desk chair around to face her.
“No?” she asked, surprised. “You strike me as someone who’s gotten away with a lot.”
He gave her a wry look. “I’ll take that as a compliment. And I have, but I’ve also found I prefer blatant honesty to deception. Both can get you in trouble, though. In this case, a little deception seems prudent.”
Nothing about this seemed prudent. For one, she was in yet another guy’s bedroom, and shirtless Lennox was super distracting. She found her gaze straying to the scrawled words of his tattoos. She forced her eyes away. What was wrong with her? She’d just slept with his best friend and should definitely not be checking out any part of him at all.
Female voices drifted down the hall, and O’Neal’s stomach clenched. Auden’s warning came back to her, and she unlocked her phone. She’d turned it on silent last night after texting with Quyen briefly, both of them making sure the other was okay and safe. She had one new message from Maya.
Maya: Hey, heading up to see the bro. Let’s brunch. Miss u!
She groaned and showed the screen to Lennox. “I’m invited.”
“No worries. Tell her you pulled an all-nighter, studying, and to give you a time and place, that you’ll meet her there, but might be a little late. That should buy you some time. As soon as they leave, I’ll drive you back to the dorm so you can change.”
“Thank you.” She quickly typed out a message to Maya. She set her phone aside and pressed her fingers to her eyes, where the pounding was getting worse. “I don’t know if this will work. I know I’ve got to look like death. They’re going to know something’s up.”
“You look adorably rumpled actually,” Lennox said, easy affection in his voice. “And they’ll only know something’s wrong if you look guilty.”
She lowered her hands and gave him a look. “That doesn’t help. Iamguilty.”
He braced his forearms on his knees and gave her an evaluating look. “What exactly are you guilty of, Sweets? Last night, you went out with friends and did a little underage drinking—maybe more than you planned—but that’s such typical college behavior it’s become a stereotype. Then you slept with a guy—safely, I’m sure—whom you know and trust, making a choice as a woman about your own body and enjoying your night. So”—he shrugged—“from where I’m standing, you’ve committed no crimes.”
She let out a breath. “You’re forgetting parts. Like what happened in the car.”
His gaze darkened a little. “Believe me. I haven’t forgotten a second of that.”
Her face grew warm, and she stared off to the side, focusing hard on the corner of his desk, embarrassment engulfing her. “That’s not, like, normal behavior.”
“Did you enjoy it?” he asked in a mild tone that could’ve been used to ask if she liked milk in her coffee.
“That’s not the point,” she said in frustration.
“It’s the entirety of the point, actually,” he countered. “As long as something is safe, sane, consensual, who cares what society labels as normal or not?”
She shook her head. “You didn’t grow up how I grew up. Literally everything about last night was a crime in my world. Just sitting here with you like this—both of us half-dressed—would give my grandparents a heart attack.”
“But that doesn’t have to be your world anymore,” he said, a gentleness in his voice. “I’m not saying you have to go broadcast that you hooked up with Auden to his mom and sister because that will cause drama neither of you wants, but you also don’t have to adopt your family’s judgment as your own. Check your own gut. Do you truly feel wrong about last night? Dirty or whatever?”
She frowned and looked down at her hands, processing the words. Howdidshe feel about last night? Would she take any of it back? The answer bubbled up as if rising from a deep, quiet place inside her. “I think the drinking too much was dumb. This hangovery feeling is no fun. Zero out of five stars, do not recommend. But what happened with Auden felt…”Overwhelming. Intense. Amazing.“Good.”
“And me being present for part of it?” he asked, tone careful.
She snuck a glance at him. “Auden asked me the same question.”
“Good. He should be checking in with you on things like that,” he said with a nod. “What’d you say?”
She inhaled a breath, trying to gather courage. “It was kind of intense, knowing that you’d…liked being there, that it’d affected you. I felt a little bad, honestly, that…you know, we left you that way.”
He gave her a little smile. “Don’t feel bad. A hard-on is something easily fixed. If any guy ever tries to sell you some story about how painful it is and how he needs relief, show him his own hand.” He caught her gaze, a rare shade of seriousness there. “It was hot hearing you and Aud last night. You have nothing to feel bad about. As long as you were into it, I promise both of us were too.”
She groaned and put her hands over her face. “I cannotbelievewe’re having this conversation. I don’t even know who I am right now.”
Gentle fingers gripped her wrists, and Lennox lowered her hands. “Don’t hide your face, Sweets. You’re not some new person. You’ve just been in lockdown all your life. It’s going to take some time and experimentation to figure out which parts of you arereallyyou and which parts are other people’s expectations of who you’re supposed to be. You’re not alone in that. That’s what college is about for most people. The expectations and family baggage just look different from person to person.”
The words were somehow just what she needed to hear. That she wasn’t a freak. That even though her background was different from a lot of other people’s, everyone was making this journey on some level. To her horror, tears sprung to her eyes again. Lord, when did she become such a crier?
