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Auden’s throat felt like it’d narrowed to a pinhole, and he tried to clear it. “I know things are…complicated. I’m not going to pretend there aren’t expectations for me back home or that a solo relationship with O’Neal wouldn’t be a tidy answer to all that, but it’s not an honest answer. That’s why I had to let her walk away. I can’t give her a one-on-one relationship. O’Neal is…amazing. And she’s surprised me at every turn. But one of the reasons I’m feeling what I feel for her is because of the way she feels aboutyou.”
Len’s face slackened.
“And I know I’ve made that murky. I’ve been…guarded when it’s just you and me. I’ve drawn weird lines…but it’s not because I don’t think the thoughts or feel the want. Or more than that.”
Len’s lips parted, but then he shut them again like he was afraid Auden wouldn’t go on if he interrupted.
“It’s there. All of it.” Auden had figured out a long time ago that he wasn’t straight. He was attracted to the person, not the gender. But crossing that last line with Lennox, that one-on-one line, had always seemed like an epically bad idea. They lived together. It would change things and could be a one-way ticket to destroying the most important relationship he’d ever had in his life. But he couldn’t let Lennox go on thinking he was just some dude he sometimes invited into his threesomes.
“It’s there, Len. We both know this is more than a friendship. And if what I feel for O’Neal is love, then I’m feeling that partly because of how she is withus, not just me.She could love the guy I already love.”
Lennox stared at him for what seemed like eons and then let out a whispered, “Fuck.” He leaned back against his desk and ran a hand over his face like he was in pain. “Fuck!”
Worry filled Auden. “What?”
Lennox straightened and then stalked his way, his eyes darkening. Auden got to his feet, bracing for a punch based on the look on Len’s face.
“Aud,” Len said, his voice edged with rusty razor blades. “You better walk the hell away right now if you don’t want me to kiss you. Because otherwise, that is about to happen, and you’re just going to have to deal with it.”
Auden froze.
Len stopped in front of him and poked two fingers into his chest. “Better run, roommate. Because, surprise, I love you back. And this shit’s about to get romantic if you don’t get out of my fucking face right now.”
The words were terrifying but, in that moment, it would’ve taken an earthquake to move him. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Len grabbed Auden by the back of the neck and kissed him.
Auden’s hands went to Len’s biceps, an automatic move of residual panic, but then Len’s tongue parted Auden’s lips, and a groan escaped from a place deep inside him, a place that had been on full lockdown for a long damn time.Fucking hell.
Auden dragged him closer, letting himself have this. They’d deal with the consequences after. Len kissed like he did everything else, with utter goddamned confidence and a threat of wildness, like one tiny break in restraint and they would tear each other to pieces. Auden kissed him back, and his ass landed on the back of the couch again. Len stepped between his knees, not even trying to hide the fact that he was getting hard against him.
When Auden’s body responded in kind, he didn’t fight it. This was Len. His cocky, frustrating, amazing best friend. Maybe giving into this would burn what they had to the ground, maybe it was a mistake, but Auden was tired of pretending this part of their relationship didn’t exist.
Auden pulled away, breathless and hard and a little crazed. He caught Len’s gaze. “Len….”
Len backed up. His pupils were dark, ominous. “Is this the part where you tell me you were just kidding?”
Auden shook his head. “No, it’s the part where I tell you it’s late. I should go to bed.”
Len’s jaw flexed, his expression shuttering. “Right.”
Auden stood and cocked his head toward the hallway. “You coming?”
Len blinked and then laughed. “Holy shit, did you just throw a line at me?”
Auden gave him a droll look. “Don’t act like it’s not going to work. You’re hard as a rock already and apparently love me.”
Lennox scratched the back of his head, suddenly looking unsure of himself. “Look, both those things are true, and I want this. Have for a long time. But let’s not pretend this isn’t a big deal or that it isn’t new for you.” He lifted his brows. “I mean, you’re basically a virgin in this arena. I don’t want you to feel like just because we’ve decided to open up this door that I expect you to be instantly on board with anything and everything. We can take it slow.”
Auden’s first instinct was to deny, to brush off his concern. He was so used to being the one in charge, the one who knew what to do, that admitting anything different felt uncomfortable. But he held his tongue. Lennox was right. He nodded.
“Okay.”
“Good.” Lennox smiled, the playfulness coming back into his expression. He stepped close to Auden again and reached down, wrapping his hand around Auden’s cock over his boxers. Auden closed his eyes as pleasure glittered through him. “How about we start with this? We go to bed. You show me exactly how you want to be stroked?”
Auden inhaled deeply, absorbing the feel of something brand-new and yet comfortingly familiar. “Let’s go to bed, Len.”
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
