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Lennox: I’m not either.
She pressed her lips together, her gaze watery now.
Auden: We just want to talk. Please?
O’Neal sat down in the grass, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. Did she really want to talk about this? Did she want to sit there and have them mansplain about why love couldn’t be a factor in this? About how they’d warned her from the beginning about what this was? Or how her feelings weren’t really love but just a silly crush? She didn’t know if that would give her closure or just make it worse.
Saying no would be the smart thing. She needed time, space to grieve this and move on. But she couldn’t make her fingers type the word. What she’d been doing since she’d walked away from them hadn’t been working. She’d planned to focus totally on school, but thoughts of them were still a constant distraction. This was still an open wound that she hadn’t been able to close. She needed real stitches to stop the bleeding, a real end, an honest talk. And it wasn’t like she could avoid Auden forever. She was staying at his family’s house for Thanksgiving break in a few weeks. They needed to clear the air before then.
She quickly typed a reply before she could chicken out.
O’Neal: OK, when, where?
Auden: You’re done with class for the day, right?
The fact that he still knew her schedule made her stomach ping. God, she was hopeless.
O’Neal: yes
Auden: now? Our place?
Their place. The last thing she wanted was a reminder of the time they’d spent together. That was going to hurt. But if they were really going to talk about things, she definitely didn’t want to discuss such personal stuff in the middle of a coffee shop.
O’Neal: OK. I’m going to drop off my stuff at my dorm and will head over after
Auden: Thank you, see you soon
She took a deep breath. “You can do this. You can totally do this.”
* * *
I can’t do this.Half an hour later, she was standing on their doorstep, trying to get herself to knock and failing miserably. Just when she was about to turn on her heel and give up, the door swung open.
Then Auden was there in the doorway in a pair of faded jeans and a dark green T-shirt, looking even better than she remembered, which was saying something because her memories were damn vivid. She cleared her throat.
“Um. Hi. I was about to knock but…”
His eyes crinkled at the corners a little, almost as if he was pained. “It’s okay. I heard you on the stairs. Thought I would make it a little easier. Doors are hard.”
O’Neal felt glued to the landing. Her instinct was to hug him. Auden, her friend. Auden, the boy she’d loved for longer than she could remember. But that option had been swept off the table, replaced by a banquet of awkwardness.
“Thanks.”
Auden cleared his throat and stepped back. “Come on in.”
She made herself follow him in and to the living room. Lennox was there, standing behind the couch and offering a small, tentative smile. His blond hair was messy, like he’d been running his hands through it. She wanted to smooth it for him.
“Hey, Swee—O’Neal.”
The correction was like a little stab in her side. “Hi.”
“Do you want something to drink?” Auden asked.
She shook her head, her stomach turning. She’d been right to not want to knock. This was too awkward. Too painful. “No, thanks, I’m okay. You know, maybe this wasn’t a good idea. I think I might just—”
“Please don’t.” Auden grabbed her hand, a desperate note in his voice.
The move and his tone shocked her. She glanced at their linked hands. “Aud…”
