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Jack is her boyfriend. He loves her. Luba is just a friend. Jack is popular. He has lots of friends. She mustn’t be jealous. This is the voice Belle listens to inside her head. The voice of reason.
‘Do you know where he is…Jack?’
‘Yes, yes, he be back later,’ Luba says. ‘Now, tell me, are you ready to start work tonight? We gone be busy. Jack…he’ll be so proud of you.’ She clasps both of Belle’s hands in hers and Belle feels how warm they are – exuding kindness and safety and a feeling that…well, if she’s perfectly honest, that she’s finally come home. That itisa family here. And she wants to be a part of it.
Belle told Luba that she was going out for a bit to see if she could find her phone and that she’d be back later for work and to meet up with Jack. Stupidly, in her drunken haze, she’d forgotten to ask Luba what the work would entail, exactly, but judging by what she’d seen so far, she reckoned it would likely be helping Luba in the office or perhaps hostessing and welcoming customers to the club or something along those lines. She’d be good at that. Luba had promised to show her around later, and told her that she’d be meeting the other girls. She’d even have her own dressing table and a place to get ready as well as a bed, because she’d probably be too tired after her shift to go anywhere. She liked the sound of that. Living in London with Jack. A working girl. Her own money. Making her own rules.
But, after she leaves the Cloisters, holding the door for a couple of girls who are on their way in, smiling at them and saying hello (even though they just stare at her without saying a word), Belle doesn’t go looking for her phone. She knows that’s long gone. Instead, she goes into a McDonald’s and heads straight for the toilet, throwing up the vodka that is swilling around inside her. Then she drinks from the bathroom tap, looking at herself in the mirror above the sink. It feels like someone else staring back – a woman she’s just getting to know. Then she buys a shake and a burger and chips and takes them into the street, finding a shady spot to sit while she eats. Half an hour later, still fuzzy from the alcohol, she’s a step closer to being herself again, even feeling a shred of excitement growing inside her. What if she never goes home? What if she stays in London permanently? After all, there isn’t much reason to go back. Her mum is always tied up with her business these days, and her dad is the same, so grumpy and stressed lately with his work. Jen could come and visit, though she probably wouldn’t be allowed, and she could FaceTime Amber. Besides, she’d soon make new friends. And when Jack goes back to Bristol on business, she could go with him and visit home.
Her mind is made up. Just like that, she’s a London girl now – living her best life. She tracks her path back to the Cloisters, deciding that she doesn’t want to wait until later to get stuck in and learn about her job. She wants life to beginnow, to settle in and freshen up for when Jack comes back; to surprise him. It’s just as she’s approaching the top of Winlow Court, about to turn down the passageway, when she sees her mum coming out of the Cloisters. No mistake. There she is, only thirty feet or so away, looking distracted and stressed and worried. Her arms are clamped around her body, and she’s stooped and hunched.
Shit, she thinks, panicking. That little voice inside whispers that this is her chance to go home, to fall into her mum’s arms and return to Bristol with her, be back in her own bedroom with its familiar smells and belongings – everything she’s left behind. That voice tugs and pulls on her sleeve as she breaks into a run, not turning down Winlow Court at all, but instead darting and weaving among the crowds until she’s inside a random clothes shop, grabbing anything off the rail and disappearing into the changing rooms to hide. She sits down on the little stool, clutching her head in her hands, rocking, telling the whisper in her head to go away…to go a-bloody-way…as the tears stream down her face.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
MOLLY – THEN
For the next twenty-four hours, everything was normal at the Cloisters. Unusually calm, in fact. Luba had recently settled in a couple of new girls, so there was a refreshed and vibrant atmosphere about the place, with a steady stream of punters booking in, which also pleased her. Even Darren seemed to be in a good mood and, as far as Molly could tell, he had no idea that his keys had gone missing for a few hours, and certainly nothing had kicked off about cash being stolen. All hell would break loose once that was discovered.
After Molly had taken the money and Hannah’s documents, cramming the carrier bags in the wardrobe next to her bunk and burying them under a heap of clothes, she’d managed to get the keys back inside Darren and Luba’s room. Not quite where she’d taken them from, of course, but he’d just think he’d dropped them on the carpet where Molly had managed to toss them when Luba left the door slightly open. She imagined he’d just be relieved to find them, and probably wouldn’t even confess to his error. By the time the missing money was discovered at the end of the week, Hannah would be long gone. Molly would deal with the aftermath.
But all that peace, the relative normality of life at the Cloisters, was turned upside down when, as they were getting ready for work that afternoon, Hannah bent double and dropped to her knees.
‘What’s wrong?’ Molly said, leaping up. Her make-up was half done, and she was only dressed in scarlet knickers and a matching bra that was too big.
‘It…it hurts,’ she said, clutching her swollen belly. ‘Like really…’ she gasped for breath, ‘…really fucking hurts.’ She’d been packing a few essential possessions all afternoon, ready to leave later that night, and had become hot and sweaty from the effort. It was August and the weather had been stifling for days, with the airless attic seeming to suffocate them as they got ready. And the extra weight Hannah was carrying hadn’t helped. It was a miracle Darren or Luba hadn’t noticed her size yet, though they weren’t the ones who saw her naked, and Molly had managed to take on as many of Hannah’s clients as she could, with Hannah rarely leaving the top floor these days. A combination of loose, baggy clothing and keeping out of their way for the last few weeks seemed to have worked. Only a short time to go now – she was leaving in the early hours of the morning – and the pair of them had planned to stay awake all night so as not to miss the opportunity.
‘Where does it hurt?’ Molly said, kneeling down beside her. She cradled her face in her hands, making her look her in the eye. ‘Where? Tell me!’
Hannah was wailing so Molly put her hand over her mouth to silence her.
‘Here…’ she said against Molly’s palm, clutching her stomach with both hands. ‘Like, every-fucking-where.’ Then a minute later, she dropped back on her knees, sighing out heavily, seeming to be fine again. ‘I’ll be OK,’ she said, trying to stand up. ‘It’s been happening a bit these last few days. But that was the worst one yet.’
‘Do you think…’ Molly stared at her, their matching expressions indicating what they were each thinking. ‘Do you think the baby’s coming?’
Hannah’s expression reflected her fear. ‘I’m praying not,’ she said weakly. ‘It can’t happen now…it’s too soon. I won’t let it come.’
Molly didn’t know what to do. This hadn’t been in their plan. Their calculations were obviously off the mark and, added to the possible complications of an early birth, they were in trouble.
Hannah stood up. ‘I’ll be OK,’ she said, grabbing the suitcase she’d been packing. She stuffed a few more items in randomly, holding her belly with one hand as she grimaced through another wave of pain ten minutes later.
‘There’s a hospital not far away,’ Molly said, concerned. ‘Perhaps we should go there. Like,now?’
Hannah shook her head. ‘I don’t want to,’ she whimpered. ‘The baby can’t be coming yet. I won’t let it. It’s too early. Anyway, you know we’ll never get past Darren. Vanessa said he’s lurking everywhere today.’
At this time of day, Molly knew that was true. They were expected to be ready for work and not leave the building until the next morning, and there was no other way out aside from jumping out of a window. There wasn’t even a fire escape – just the flat roof where they sometimes sat and smoked. And that was far too high to get down from. ‘I’ll cover clients for you as much as I can,’ she said. ‘I’ll say you’re ill, that you’ll be fine later.’
‘What if…what if the baby comes before I can get out?’ Hannah said, leaning forward on the edge of her bed to ride out another wave of pain. ‘I think these are contractions, Mol. Like, proper ones.’
Molly came up behind her and wrapped her arms loosely around her waist, resting her head on her back. ‘I don’t know, Han,’ she whispered back. ‘I really don’t know.’
All evening between punters, Molly kept dashing up to the top floor to check on Hannah. When she went up just before 1a.m., Hannah was in bed feeling a little better with the TV playing the only DVD they possessed –Beauty and the Beast. It often played on repeat until they were all sick of it, but it seemed to be providing Hannah with some comfort. And there was no sign of a baby at least.
‘The pain has slowed up a bit this last half-hour, thank God,’ she said. ‘From what I’ve heard, first babies can take ages to come. Just a few more hours is all I need, until things go quiet downstairs. Then I’ll be gone.’
Molly noticed that the bucket by Hannah’s bed had been used, so she went to empty it and brought her some more water as well as an overripe banana. ‘See if you can eat this,’ she said. ‘You’re going to need some energy.’ And that was when they heard the commotion downstairs – raised voices, doors banging and Luba shouting at someone in the hallway. Molly crept out onto the landing.
Hannah got out of bed and waddled over to join her, each of them peering over the banisters and down the stairwell. They saw Luba gesticulating wildly at a man who was clearly refusing to leave. ‘I just want to see her,’ they heard him say. ‘Ten minutes is all.’
