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"A week?" I gave her a gentle smile. "That's not very long. You can't really base a major crisis on that yet-especially when you consider who you're dealing with. I mean, like you said, you've seen him get so busy with work that he cancels or even forgets things, right?"
"Yeah," she said, sniffling in a continued attempt to keep back her tears. "It's just never been like this. I don't know. I've never had a serious relationship. I don't know how it's supposed to work."
"You guys have only been going out for, like, four months. It takes longer than that to really get to know someone's patterns." With a pang, I realized she and Seth had dated longer than he and I had. "This may be one you've got to get used to. He's probably stressed, and sex is the last thing on his mind-as hard as that is to believe. Give him some time. If it keeps happening, then it might be time to worry. But it's too soon now."
I could tell by her face that my words had given her hope. "Yeah...you're probably right. But...do you think...do you think I'm doing something wrong? Should I do something different? Act differently? Dress sexier?"
Oh God. I so did not want to be advising Maddie on how to seduce Seth. "Well...I wouldn't worry about any of that quite yet. Overthinking it'll just stress you out more. Just wait a little bit. If something's on his mind, it may take him some time to work through it."
She'd defeated her tears and now adopted a resolute look. "Sometimes I don't know if I'm fooling myself, like that I'm just caught up in my first big romance. But, seriously, some days, I feel like I've found the one. Like if he wanted to run off right now, I'd do it." The love on her face was like a bullet through my heart. "If something's wrong, I want to help him through it."
"I know, I know, but you still don't know what 'it' is. If it's a writing thing, he's got to work it out. If it's something else...well, I'm sure he'll come talk about it when he's ready."
Her dark eyes were contemplative, looking at me without seeing me while she processed all of this. "You're probably right," she said at last. She gave me a small, rueful smile and shook her head. "God, I feel kind of stupid. Look at me. Some kind of champion for strong women, huh? Did I mess up my makeup? And oh God, did I really just ask that?"
"No, it's fine. And you're not stupid. Your feelings are normal." I stood up, needing to get out of here. The room was making me claustrophobic. I had to get away from her, away from her trust. "I'm going to go do a sweep. They should be opening any minute."
She rose as well and ran a hand over her eyes one last time. "Yeah, I've got things to do too. Thanks for listening to me." Before I could open the door, she gave me a small, fierce hug. "I'm glad you're my friend."
With that, she left to tend to her work. Meanwhile, I wished a hole would open on the floor and swallow me up. I almost wished Nanette would show up and end my misery. Thankfully, I only had two hours until I was meeting Roman. Then I'd be free of this misery and self-loathing that Maddie was unknowingly stirring up in me. But if I'd hoped store business would prove a distraction, I was wrong. A half-hour later, an errand to the café brought me face-to-face with Seth.
He sat at a table with his laptop and looked up as though he could sense that I was nearby. He smiled, and my heart raced. I smiled back before I could stop myself. He looked like he wanted me to come over, yet I worried about attracting attention or tipping others off. Of course, it might actually look more suspicious if I didn't talk to him, I realized. Long ago, it was perfectly common for me to stop by and chat with him. No one had ever perceived it as anything more than friendly banter.
So, after dropping off some books, I strolled over and sat across from him. "Hey," I said, feeling warm under his gaze.
"Hey," he replied. "You look beautiful today."
I glanced down and laughed. Along with my limited wardrobe, I was also discovering that not doing laundry decreased my clothing options even further. I was in jeans and a plain black T-shirt today, and my hair had been lucky to get a quick brushing, let alone any real styling. I'd overslept and figured beachcombing didn't require much primping anyway.
"Liar," I said. "I practically rolled out of bed this morning."
"You forget that I've seen you in just about every state imaginable. You don't have to have every detail primped and perfect. You're beautiful even when you're disheveled. Sometimes more so."
"Hey! Are you saying I'm disheveled now?"
"No, you're somewhere in the middle of primped and disheveled. And you still look beautiful."
I received compliments all the time, but from him, they were golden and wonderful. Even the smallest ones. "And you," I said, "seem to try to be disheveled."
He ran a hand over his slightly messy hair. I think his intent was to smooth it, but he only mussed it further. "People spend fortunes on hair gel to get this look, you know."
"And fortunes on shirts like that," I said, gesturing to his vintage Ovaltine T-shirt. "There are collectors who'd pay a lot of money for that on eBay."
"I am one of those people."
I laughed. "There's a treasure trove of T-shirts waiting for you in Vancouver, you know. I kept seeing them and thinking of you."
With each moment that passed, I fell further and further into that electric, consuming connection between us. Love for him filled me, made me feel complete. Leaving him would have been agonizing just then, and I saw a similar sentiment for me on his face. I'd sat down, feeling guilty and conflicted over Maddie, but once I was with him...well, it was selfish and horrible, but I couldn't help but stay. And honestly, it became hard for me to fret too much over her feelings because I was too caught up in my own for him. I wanted him. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted him to love me. And yet, I knew as soon as I left the table, I'd feel bad about her again. There was no way this could end well.
"Do you have any more trips scheduled up there?" He lowered his voice, the flirty look now gone and replaced by concern.
"No, I think I'm done with my international travel. I've just got to figure out things here now...or, well, they'll be figured out for me in another day or so. Things are going to return to normal with or without Jerome soon."
His expression grew troubled, and he glanced away from me to stare out the window. We'd both known the inevitable was coming from the beginning, yet neither of us had been able to talk about it then. It looked like we still couldn't talk about it now. There were a million things we should be discussing, but all we could think about was each other. All we wanted was each other. We'd spent so much of our time with boundaries between us that now that there were none, we just wanted to childishly lose ourselves in our longings and not think about the consequences-even though the consequences would be catching up with us any day now.
"Well," Seth said finally. "I just hope you stay safe. Are you any closer to finding him?"
I hesitated. Roman had told me not to trust anyone. I was pretty sure that Seth wasn't going to go run off to any demons in the area and report what I said. I also suspected, however, that Seth wouldn't be happy to find out Roman was in my life again, no matter how altruistic Roman claimed to be right now. Seth wouldn't trust him. Hell, I didn't trust him.
"I've got a few promising leads," I said finally. I thought about Grace. "Some more promising than others...I'm just not sure if I can do anything with them."
"Still traipsing beaches? Do you need me and Kayla again?"
"I thought she had something going on..."
The look on his face said he would do anything for me. "Yeah, but if you really needed her, I could try to pull some strings. If you wanted."
Oh, did I. A pleasant, aching yearning gathered in my chest. There was nothing I'd love more than to spend another afternoon with the two of them, even if it was searching for rocks. It had let me indulge in the illusion of being a family.
"No, I'm fine." Reluctantly, I let the image go. As much as I wanted to be with them again, Roman was the better partner on my hunts now. I would rather put him at risk than Kayla, and anyway, he was more likely to be able to know what to do if we actually found what we were looking for. I glanced at the clock. "In fact, I need to finish up my work here. My shift's over soon, and I can't be late."
