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Cody followed him into the back where the operating table was. He put Anyu down gently. She still whimpered. Everything seemed to cause her pain. He looked at the doctor, his eyes begging for a miracle.
The vet put a big hand on his shoulder. “Listen to me,” he said quietly. “The pain will get worse. She won’t be able to bear it. She’ll have to be so drugged that she won’t know you. And she’ll still...” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word. Behind him, one of the assistants was calming Anyu.
“There’s no hope? None at all?” Cody asked, his voice choked with emotion.
“I’m so sorry. No, there’s nothing, Cody,” he said, drawing him out of earshot of the assistant. “I’ve stayed with my own animals that I had to put down. The last one was so hard on me that I had to take a few days off. Let me advise you. Don’t stay and watch this. Anyu will be drugged. She won’t know or care what’s happening to her. We’ll talk to her and soothe her.” He forced a smile. “One day, you’ll pass yourself, and she’ll be waiting for you at the gate. That’s what I think about my own pets. It’s all that makes it bearable. We all go. Nothing in life is permanent. It’s just a little separation.”
Cody nodded. “If it was any other animal, I’d leave.” He smiled through his grief. “She never quit on me. I won’t quit on her.”
“Okay, then.”
The vet let Cody stand by the table and hold Anyu’s paw. She looked up at him one last time with those soft blue, loving eyes. And then they put her under, very gently, and her eyes closed forever.
ABBYWASINthe local café having lunch. One of Dr. Shriver’s technicians sat down at the table next to hers with another one of the vet’s employees.
“That was so hard,” she said to the young man. She shook her head. “Honestly, I thought we’d have to sedate Cody before it was through. Somebody should have stopped him from driving. I’ve never seen anyone grieve like that.”
Abby’s heart jumped. She sat still and listened some more.
“His wife gave him the dog, didn’t she?” the woman asked.
Her coworker nodded. “It was like losing her all over again, he said.”
“He shouldn’t have stayed with her and watched it,” the woman said heavily. “I had to have my sixteen-year-old cat put down last year, and I just couldn’t bear it! I had Lily stay with him while they put him down.” She sighed. “I had them cremate him. He’s in an urn on my mantel.”
“I’ve done that a time or two.”
“The sheriff didn’t want that done. He carried her out to his SUV after and drove her home. He said she had a favorite spot, under an apple tree. He was going to bury her there himself.”
“It’s a shame he doesn’t have any family,” the other one said.
“I know. Gosh, he doesn’t need to be alone right now. Losing a pet you love is really like losing a member of your family. People grieve for animals just like they grieve for people. Especially somebody like Cody. He doesn’t have anybody.”
“Too true.”
Abby got up, her meal half-eaten, and left a tip before she went out the door.
CODYRARELYDRANK, but this was an occasion. A horrible occasion. He had a fifth of Jack Daniel’s that he’d never opened, a Christmas present from one of his deputies. He broke the seal and poured himself a big glass of it.
He knew now, too late, that the vet had been right. He shouldn’t have stayed. For the rest of his life, he’d see Anyu in her final minutes of life, hear the soft whimper, watch her paws move restlessly just briefly. He saw the life seep out of her. She lay still, like snow against the silver metal of the table. He’d managed not to break down. He carried Anyu out in his arms to the SUV, put her in, and drove her home.
He dug a big hole under the apple tree and then went to find a cloth to cover her with. He couldn’t bear to see her face while he finished his chore.
The mound of earth looked somehow right, where he’d put it. Anyu would be there, close by, close to him, as long as he lived. He wasn’t ordinarily a sentimental man, but he was going to put flowers on her grave.
He thought that he’d never put flowers on Debby’s grave. He’d wanted to bring her back to Catelow for burial, but the funeral director was adamant about her last wishes. She’d wanted to be buried in a cemetery in Denver, near the hospital where she worked. One of her colleagues, a neurologist named Craig Stern, had sided with the funeral director. He’d known Debby, he said, and she’d told everyone where she wanted to be if she should lose her life. He’d thought it odd that she should have spoken of such a thing to a man besides her husband. The doctor looked as if he’d had too much to drink. He was almost staggering at the funeral. When the last prayer was said over Debby, in the cemetery, he’d seen tears in the doctor’s eyes before he turned quickly away.
He must have been a coworker at the hospital, Cody decided, possibly the mentor who was teaching Debby new theories in neurology. The man was very well dressed and looked about five or six years older than Cody. Considering how unsettled the man was, he hoped there were no patients waiting at his hospital. He put it out of his mind. He knew very little of her work. She never spoke of the hospital or her colleagues there. It was only history now. Debby was gone forever. The light had gone out of the world.
Cody thought about that while he had another drink. His undersheriff was on duty. Cody had managed a quick explanation of his need to be off for a couple of days. Of course by now, everybody in Catelow knew about Anyu. Gossip traveled far.
He finished his drink. Was it his third or fourth? He couldn’t remember. Everything looked fuzzy.
His dark eyes went to the sofa that Anyu had always shared with him. Tears stung his eyes. He didn’t bother to stop them. There was nobody to see them. Nobody at all.
THESUDDENKNOCKon the back door startled him. He struggled to his feet and prayed that it wasn’t an emergency, because he could hardly walk. He sure as hell couldn’t drive. He staggered to the door and looked out through the glass insert. He blinked.
He opened the door and Abby looked up at him and winced.
