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I would never fucking give up on her.
“I’m not in the fucking mood, Axel,” I snapped at him.
I was still pissed about what he had done on Sunday—trying to keep me away from her when she needed me. He knew Ally didn’t need to be alone. My woman hit lows all of the time despite the medications she was on, and when I called Dr. Gresham personally yesterday evening and told him that she needed to come in and see him, and explained to him her situation, he promised to try to adjust her medications.
She opened up to me. She was getting better about doing that, about not trying to hide how she was truly feeling from me. And now was more crucial than ever since she was pregnant. If she lost another baby, I didn’t think she would ever recover from it.
“Look, she asked me to not let you up there with her,” Axel said anyway. I tightened my grip around the pen in my hand before I forced myself to loosen my grip. My patience was wearing thin. Between Axel and Ally’s fucking ex-boyfriend and ex-best-friend at the pharmacy yesterday, I was in a right fucking mood to fight someone.
I glared at him. Jhenna shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “So, in other words, you’re fucking telling me that if Meghan begged to be left alone, and you knew she was crying, that she was fucking upset about something, you would leave her alone because she asked?” He sighed, seeing my point. I shook my head and turned back to what I was doing, writing down my last appointment of the morning. “Exactly.” I handed Jhenna back the appointment book. “If she doesn’t want to talk, I don’t force her, Axel. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t hold her while she cries. Being alone is the worst fucking thing for her, and if I hadn’t gone to her yesterday, she would have spiraled.”
With that, I turned on my heel and stormed down the hallway to my office. I looked at the couch, a small smile tilting my lips when I remembered kissing Ally there, seeing her smile at me, her eyes glowing.
You’ll shine again, my moon, I silently promised.
Ally
I groaned in protest when Caiden gently shook me awake. I blinked up at him, trying to clear my bleary eyes. He gave me a small smile. “You have an appointment with your doctor soon,” he said quietly. “I figured you might want to get a shower and maybe eat some lunch before we go.”
I wanted to protest. I didn’t want to do anything but wallow in my own fucking misery, but I forced myself into a sitting position and scrubbed at my face, feeling really exhausted.
Depression was a bitch.
“Come on,” Caiden coaxed. I sighed and stood up from the couch. “Get a nice, hot shower. It’ll help you feel a tiny bit better; I promise. I’ll whip you up something for lunch.”
I nodded at him as I trudged towards the bedroom I now shared with Christian. I knew a shower would help me feel a little bit better, too, but it was the matter of actually getting one that was the issue.
My phone vibrated on the nightstand as I stepped into the bedroom. I slowly walked over to it and picked it up, unlocking the screen to see who had texted me.
Christian
I know today is going to be hard, baby, but I’m still with you – still lighting your way through your darkness. You’re going to glow again, my moon. Just give me the time I need to breathe life into you again. I love you. Hold me with you.
My bottom lip trembled as tears slid down my cheeks. Oh, Christian. My phone vibrated again, and a tear ran down my cheek as I read his next message.
Christian
Get your shower, baby. You’re so strong.
I dropped down onto the first bench I saw outside, my stomach churning with nausea. It hadn’t bothered me all day, but ever since I had eaten the grilled cheese sandwich and bowl of tomato soup that Caiden had put together for lunch, I hadn’t been feeling good.
And I really didn’t want to throw up. Getting sick always hurt so much.
“Christian called me yesterday evening and informed me of what has been going on,” Dr. Gresham said as he took a seat next to me on the bench. “How are you feeling?”
“Sick at the moment,” I told him. “I cried a lot yesterday when I figured out what was wrong with me.” Dr. Gresham frowned at my choice of words. “I’m not ready for this, Dr. Gresham. I’m not ready to be a mom. I killed the first one because I was selfish. Selfish people don’t deserve to be parents.”
“First, being pregnant doesn’t mean there’s something wrong,” Dr. Gresham told me. “It’s your time for your second chance. You have a wonderful man at your side who loves you and just wants to see you happy, to see you prosper, and be great. You have an extremely supportive family.” I shook my head, but he kept going. “And Ally, you were hurting. You were young, and you weren’t being taken care of properly. You were neglected by your parents. Everything is different this time around.”
