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I reach forward and touch her cheek, the action sending shockwaves racing through my fingertips.
“Why do you think?” I ask, my voice thick with emotion.
“Because you feel guilty?” she murmurs. “Like you owe me something?”
I shake my head and laugh. “I wish I were that noble. Unfortunately, my intentions aren't quite so pure.”
“Really?” She looks shocked. “I can’t believe that after everything, you’d still…”
“I want you,” I assure her. I take her hands in mine. “But I want us both to be ready. I’ve been seeing a therapist myself,” I add. “He’s helping me a lot, there is still work I need to do to be the man you deserve.”
“The man I deserve…” She laughs and shakes her head. “You’re already so much more than I deserve, Sam. So much more than I could ever hope for.”
“Then I’ll be even better,” I promise her. “There’s no time limit on us, Clo. I'll wait for you as long as it takes, because I love you.”
Her eyes mist with tears as she leans up to kiss me. It’s a soft, gentle kiss full of promise and hope. “I love you too,” she murmurs.
She smiles again, and in that instant, I know we’re going to be okay.
EPILOGUE
CHLOE
Five years later
My hands shake as I stare down at the little plastic stick. It's like my body can't quite tell if it's panicked or elated yet. All I can do is look with laser focus down at the two red lines and wonder if I’m seeing things. A few seconds later, reality sinks in.
Holy shit, I'm pregnant.
It was only a matter of time, I suppose, but part of me thought it would never happen. That maybe I was too messed up on the inside to carry a child, even though the doctor had said there shouldn’t be an issue. Out of fear of disappointment, I had just accepted that I wasn't going to get to have that experience. Now here I am, standing in the bathroom, on the top floor of our house, alone while Sam’s at work, the proof staring me right in the face.
I'm pregnant.
It's still hard for me to figure out if I'm excited or not. Either way, I don't want to keep this a secret. Maybe getting Sam's reaction will help me figure out how I feel about the whole thing. I wrap the test in toilet paper, throw it away, and finish up in the bathroom before heading downstairs and fetching my phone.
“Chloe?”
I smile as Amanda, Isaac's wife, answers on the second ring. “Hey,” I greet. I feel awkward calling her, but she’s the closest thing to a friend I have. That, and it sure beats asking Kelsie’s grandmother if she’ll look after her. “Would you guys mind watching Kelsie for the night? I have something for Sam, and I want to surprise him.”
“Of course, we’d love to have her,” Amanda says cheerily. “But now you've activated my nosey gossip senses. What's the surprise?”
I bite my lower lip, considering. There's always the possibility that Sam won't want me to keep the baby, or that I might lose it. But if that were to happen, I'd feel better knowing someone else knew. Amanda has always been so kind to me, and I know she'd want to know.
“I just found out I'm pregnant,” I whisper.
She gasps. “Oh, Chloe, that's wonderful! Congratulations!” I find myself grinning, despite my earlier reservations, at the sincere joy in her voice. My heart rate picks up. Iamexcited, I realize. I just hope Sam feels the same way.
“I'll bring Kelsie over in a bit, is that okay?”
She agrees, letting me hang up the phone.
I pack an overnight bag for the little girl who has become as much a part of my family as Sam has, and ferry her over to Uncle Isaac's house. The whole drive there I’m subjected to the usual questions of a nosey little seven-year-old.
Why am I staying over on a school night?
Why do you look so happy?
Are you and my dad going to have sex?
