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I wince. “Maybe you could if you weren’t a fucking wanted man,” I hiss. “Are you even sure you’ve got a secure line? Why the fuck are you calling me?”
“Hey, Alex, slow down. What’s gotten into you?”
The tone of his voice has changed. The lightheartedness is gone, replaced with the icy, business-like cadence I’m used to. I can picture his scowling face and for a beat I’m grateful we’re not face-to-face.
“I’m fine,” I lie. “Just tell me what’s going on. You’re wasting time with the pleasantries.”
Graham heaves a sigh. There’s no fucking way he’s risking his life—and Ivy’s life—to call me to ask me how I am. We agreed to only contact each other in case of an emergency.
Unless something's happened.
My stomach roils. What could it be? He doesn’t know Alize yet, so it can’t be about her. Is it our father? He’s much too chipper for it to be about Ivy.
“Well? Spit it out,” I say, when he doesn’t say anything further.
“It’s about Mum.”
Graham’s words are a punch to the gut.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t slept or eaten for two days, but I’m sagging against the balustrade. I end up sitting on the floor with my back against it. I don’t say anything—my heart is so loud in my ears I can’t even hear my own breathing—only wait for him to continue.
“Ivy had a girl a few days ago,” he begins.
My mouth falls open.
Why the fuck wouldn’t heleadwith that? He’s a dad, now. I’m an uncle. I try to think of what she would look like—would she have Ivy’s dark curls, or would her hair be dirty blond like Graham’s? For her sake, I hope she looks more like Ivy than her father.
“We named her Hyacinth.”
That steals the last bit of air from my lungs. The cig falls from my lips and I lean my head against the cold iron railing.
“You named her after Mum?” My voice cracks.
Graham clears his throat. “She has her eyes, Alex.”
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and it comes away wet. As if I wasn’t already having a shit day, now Graham calls me to tell me this. My chest squeezes and I hold my head in my hand. I’m caught in the eye of a storm of emotions.
“That’s really fucking nice, man,” I manage. “I’m proud of you.”
And I mean it. Out of the two of us, Graham’s the one that made something of himself. He was brave enough to defy our father, and strong enough to make that choice for someone else. He’s chosen his life.
I want to be that sure of my choices.
“I should’ve called you earlier,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. “But it’s been so fucking hectic, man. She shits like every fucking hour, and Ivy’s had it hard. I try to do as much as I can so she can sleep.”
I grunt. “I understand. Thanks for telling me.”
We fall silent. Graham’s a father now. I turn it over in my mind. I’ve never had time to desire afamily—not after everything our father’s put us through—but, the thought isn’t as offensive as I expected it to be.
It’s something I would want.
And it’s not like it doesn’t cross my mind in the heat of the moment, every time I’ve left Alize’s tight cunt dripping with my seed. All it takes is that thought for my cock to stir to life, and my foul mood to worsen.
Graham doesn’t speak for nearly half a minute, but he’s still on the phone.
“You’ve got something else you want to say?” I snap.
He swallows. “Every time I look at Cinny, I realize that…one day I’m going to have to tell her about what happened to our mum.”
