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I’ve never had to make a more difficult decision.
* * *
“I’m leaving.”
I pause my journey to the bathroom and frown inquisitively at Victoria. She’s seated in what seems to be her favorite spot by the window, looking at me with a strange, emotionless expression.
“You are leaving…,” I drawl slowly, unable to decipher the meaning behind her abrupt declaration.
“I’m leaving,” Victoria repeated. “My work here is done.”
My heart stops in its tracks as the meaning of her words finally dawns on me. “When?”
“At daybreak.”
I stare at her in disbelief. She couldn’t have picked a worse day to shatter my heart. I’ve told myself a gazillion times that this day would come, but it doesn’t make the news any more bearable. Nothing has prepared me for the pain that’s clawing through my chest, ripping my heart into bits. I can’t believe she’s leaving in less than ten hours from now, and she calmly announces it in such an impersonal tone.
“Okay,” I whisper.
Silence. The silence grows almost as heavy as my heart.
Victoria is the one to break the silence. “Okay,” she repeats. “Okay. That’s all you’re going to say?”
“Yeah,” I reply with what I suppose is a casual shrug, considering my whole body feels like lead. “You got all you wanted, didn’t you?” I glare quietly at her. “The community’s approval. Your practice license. And a few great orgasms for the road. Good for you, right? I feel properly used.”
I don’t understand this sudden urge to be vindictive. I guess I want to shatter her composure. I want to make her feel the same paralyzing pain that’s storming through my soul. Her face turned into a mask of pain and disbelief, and I immediately regretted my harsh words.
“What… what did you say to me, Seer?” Victoria asks in a shaky voice, and I almost flinched at the hurt in her voice.
I run a hand down my face and sigh heavily. “Look, I’m sorry. You laid out your terms before we started, and I agreed to them. I don’t know why I’m acting this way. I’ll just take my shower.” I turned around and started toward the bathroom.
“Seer…”
I stopped but didn’t turn around. I don’t think I can bear to look at her face again without giving in to the desperate urge to cling to her.
I suddenly feel familiar arms come around my waist. She lays her head on my back and takes in a deep, shaky breath. I can feel the beat of her heart, similar to mine, in its struggle to maintain a steady tempo.
“I’m sorry, Nicholas,” Victoria says in a small voice that reveals her weariness. “I don’t want to fight.”
“Me neither,” I reply, placing my hands over hers. I turn around slowly in her arms to face her. My chest painfully constricts as I stare into her warm chocolate-brown eyes, suddenly remembering all those times they’ve held comfort, joy, humor, and even ecstasy… Now, I have just a few hours to look into her eyes.
Victoria sighs. “I know how abrupt this must feel, but if I don’t do this now, I feel like I’d keep finding excuses to hold on to you. Down the line, I’d blame myself for giving up without trying. I’d resent myself. I’d resent you because you’d be the reason I stayed.” She closes her eyes and shakes her head slowly as a heart-wrenching tear slips down her left cheek.
“I don’t want to do that. I never want to resent you.” She looks up at me, laughing softly through her tears. “God, I’m such a mess,” she sniffs, swiping the back of her palm over her face. “Why the hell am I crying when I’m the one leaving? Silly me.”
Her tears break my heart even more. I press her closer to my chest, ignoring my unbearable pain. I lean forward to kiss her tears away. “I’m sorry, chérie. Please, don’t cry.”
“Kiss me, Nicholas,” she says, raising her teary eyes to mine. “Please… make love to me all night. I know I’m being selfish till the end, but can you accommodate me one last time?”
I shake my head hesitantly. “Victoria….”
Her name was a hopeless wish on my lips, a dream that I craved to have forever but only lasted for a few impactful seconds.
Victoria reaches for me, wrapping her small, warm hand on the back of my neck. She presses herself fully against me, sending an undeniable message. I was a goner even before she pressed her soft lips to mine. She kissed me lightly at first… hesitant.
“Damnit.”
I wrap my hand around her neck and capture her lips in a hard kiss that conveys all the strong emotions that I can’t seem to put into words. She responds with the same fervor, twisting her tongue over mine in perfect synchrony that transforms our bodies, tongues, and souls into inseparable entities.
