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“Do you trust Victoria as much as you love her?”
“Yes, I do,” I reply, wondering where Mama is going with her question.
“Then you need to believe that she’s strong enough to pull through this,” Mama says. “You just have to wait for her.”
“For how long?”
“I’m afraid I can’t answer that,” Mama replies, shaking her head solemnly. “That’s entirely up to Victoria.”
CHAPTERTWENTY-SEVEN
My heart is beating fast.Too fast.
For the umpteenth time, I wonder what I’m doing outside the infirmary’s door. I close my eyes and say a quick prayer to the heavens.
“Give me strength. Give me strength.”
I let out a deep breath and turned the knob. If Edward hears me come in, he gives no indication. He’s standing by the windows with his back turned to me. I hover uncertainly by the door, unable to get past the feeling of indecision stuck in my chest. I can almost hear Graveyard’s solemn voice in my head now.
Edward is finally awake. He can’t remember anything that’s happened. He has a pretty serious case of amnesia.
The irony of the whole situation is almost… amusing. No matter how hard I strive for balance, the universe always finds a way to slap me in the face with some shitty reality. I must have been a terrible person in my past life because there appears to be no end to karma’s callousness. Maybe Edward was created to torture me infinitely – my karma.
Edward turns around slowly. Our eyes meet and hold. He stares blankly at me for what seems like an eternity, but it must just be seconds. Time seems to freeze, and the only sound between us is the furious beating of my heart. I wonder what’s going on behind those unfathomable eyes of his. The same eyes that used to be filled with contempt for me. Then slowly, those very eyes fill up with recognition.
“Nick?”
He hasn’t spoken to me like that in years – not after I received the sight.
And then he smiles at me. A genuinely excited, puppy-like smile illuminates his eyes.
How dare he smile at me like we’re really brothers?
How dare he forget what he did to Victoria?
How dare he forget what a vile person he is?
“My God… Nicholas!”
And before I know it, Edward closes the distance between us and wraps his arms around my neck in a tight embrace. My blood runs cold, and I feel goosebumps break out all over my body.
“Get the fuck off me!” I snarl, pushing him away. I catch the confusion and hurt in his eyes before I stalk out of the room.
Outside, I lean heavily against the door, gasping for breath. I clutch tightly at my chest, desperate to ease the pressure that blocks off my airways. Finally, I stagger away from the door that separates me from the root of my agony and head down the hallway to the only place where I can find relief.
Victoria looks up at me the moment I opened the door. She’s sitting up in bed, and a book is opened on her lap.
“Can I come in?” I ask in a tight voice, hovering hesitantly by her door. I hold my breath, waiting for an indication that she heard me talk. I don’t know what I would have done if she turned away from me, as she so often does these days. Maybe I would have stood by her door all night. Or maybe I’d have gone for a ride. I don’t know, but I also don’t have to think about it long. Victoria nods, an almost imperceptible movement of her head that I would have missed if I wasn’t staring so intently at her face. I walk toward her bed in halting strides, each step heavier than the last.
Finally, I drop onto my knees by her bed. I look into her big brown eyes – eyes that used to be filled with so much life – and the emptiness in them was the last straw that broke my spirits. I drop my face into my hands and let go. Harsh sobs emit from deep within my chest, and my shoulders shake with the intensity of my grief. I don’t know how long I cried by Victoria’s bed, and at some point, I forgot why. She sits by my side the whole time, unmoving and maybe unmoved. But somehow, her stoic silence was all the reassurance I needed tonight.
Just for tonight.
* * *
Istare stoically at the setting sun, watching it disappear gradually into the evening sky. I can hear Pocus’s voice in the background, going on about the work that needs to be done around the clubhouse before winter and something about stocks, but I’m far too gone in my head to make sense of anything he says. If Pocus notices my absentmindedness, he doesn’t act like it. Instead, he continues to fill the silence with small talk – as if he knows that I need something to hang on to – something to keep me from drowning in my thoughts, even if it was just the sound of his voice.
A scene in the distance suddenly catches my attention. I frown, leaning fiercely in my seat to confirm if the figure walking leisurely in the garden is truly Edward. As if privy to my thoughts, he turns his head toward my direction, and our eyes meet. His face lights up, and he raises his hand in a small wave. And suddenly, I feel a burst of anger in my chest. It is so strong that my vision blurs, and my body starts to vibrate with its intensity.
