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Damn Sinn to purgatory, broken. Forever.
Neither are choices I want to make. But I have no choice. One of us is going to get what we want and the other is going to be left to suffer. I take back my earlier thought about this being a win-win situation. This is a fucking fucked up situation.
The Crocodile’s voice is closer to me when he speaks. “I know it’s not an easy choice, Dee, but…it’s always better to have all the information, isn’t it? I mean, at least now you know where Peter stands when it comes to what he truly desires. His shadow wings, not you.”
I physically wince at his harsh words. I hate hearing them and I hate that they’re the truth.
“If Peter was willing to let you go to Hell, for eternity, then you need to think long and hard about what you’re willing to do for him and foryourself. Peter lost his shadow wings all on his own, Dee. No one, not even you, made him kill that man and take his soul, unbidden, to Hell.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes. My mind is racing, right along with my heart, and I have no clue what the fuck to even think much less what to do with this new information. The feel of his hand on my shoulder makes me jump. He removes it quickly, now having gotten my attention.
“I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again, Dee. Make the right choice,” he says, solemnly. “Tick tock, tick tock,” he adds, chuckling as he walks away.
I listen to his quiet footsteps as he walks back into the penthouse, leaving me to decide my fate on my own. I’m a mess of thoughts and emotions as I try and sift through all of this new information.
I don’t have to spend eternity in Hell.
I can stay here, with Sinn.
But he clearly doesn’t want me to. He doesn’t wantme.
I end up pacing the entryway in front of the elevator, waiting for Sinn to come back. I need to confront him with this new information. I need to hear him say the words out of his own mouth. I need to hear him say,I don’t want you here, Wendee. I need to hear him say it, and make it real, because if he doesn’t, I’ll continue moving forward on hope. False hope. And lies.
And my entire life has been built on false hope and lies. If all I have left is eight days, then an eternity in the place I choose, I’ll be damned for sure if I allow it to be based on false hope and lies. No, my eternity will be nothing but truth.
No matter how hard that truth may be to live with.
Dee
Lovely by Billie Eilish, Khalid
November 19th. A day that will forever live in my mind as one of the worst days of my life.
It’s a Saturday. We just got back from another away volleyball game. The trip took longer than expected due to the first winter storm coming in with a vengeance, promising a harsh and cold winter ahead. We pull into the school parking lot and I’m not at all surprised to see that no one is here for me. Then again, I’m the only senior without my own vehicle. No one else has to depend on their parents. I sigh as the bus comes to a stop and we all get up and head toward the front.
Both of my sisters are gone now, leaving me here alone. My mom should be home but it’s not surprising that she’s not here, even though I told herI’d need a ride tonight.
My best friend sees what I see. “I’ll take you home.”
I give her a thankful, but sad smile. “Thanks, JoJo.”
Even though I know this is my life, even though I know better than to expect anything different, it still hurts. At what point am I really and truly going to give up hope that one time, just one time, someone will be here for me? At what point will it stop hurting? At what point will I become completely numb?
I climb into JoJo’s car, and she turns on the engine and we wait a few minutes for it to warm up before we head out. She knows everything about my life, just like everyone else in this damn town so, luckily, I don’t have to explain anything or deal with fleeting looks of pity. She knows, it is what it is.
The drive to my house is quick since I only live a mile from school and JoJo lives right down the street from me. We can literally walk across a field to get to each other’s houses. She turns off the highway and onto the dirt road that leads to my trailer. My mom’s little ford pickup is sitting in front of the house and the lights are on in the kitchen, living room and her bedroom.
“Well, at least she’s home.” I sigh. “Thanks for the ride.”
“It’s all good. You know where to find me if you need me.” I nod. “Kay, see you Monday.”
“See you Monday,” I say, as I shut her door behind me.
I heave my gym bag over my shoulder and march up the wooden steps to the small porch landing in front of the front door. I push inside, the immediate warmth from the wood burning stove welcomes me home. At least she got the fire going tonight. I shut the door and the cold out behind me.
“Mom?” I yell into the house.
I’m met with the sound of water hissing violently. I drop my bag and rush into the kitchen. A pot is on the stove and the water is boiling over, falling onto the hot stove top, the flame angrily surging against the onslaught of water being poured onto it.
