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“The first night I was here, you told your bouncers…or,
whatever they are, to take that man to H2, to meet The Crocodile. You were sending him to Hell.”
It’s not a question but he answers anyway. “Yes. H2 is the name of a dock. H1, as I’m sure you can guess, would be the port to Heaven. My brother, Hook, captains the ship that transports the souls from here, Purgatory, to either Heaven or Hell, when they’re ready to
move on.”
“Fucking hell,” I exhale on a weighted breath. “This is all...”
“A lot to take in,” Sinn finishes for me, his voice growing softer as he watches my reaction.
“Yeah, you could say that.” I laugh sarcastically. “So, back to what The Crocodile or, the Devil…Jesus, the fucking Devil.” I shake my head. “Whatdidn’the tell me about staying here, in Purgatory?”
Sinn’s chest heaves and he lets out a weighted breath as well. “If you stay here, the portals to Heaven and Hell close, permanently. You’ll never be able to get to your Afterlife.
I scrunch my brows in confusion. “Yeah, he told me that. I still don’t see the problem.”
“I told you this place is also called, The Land of Never. Do you remember?
“Yes.”
“It’s called that because if you choose to stay here, you’ll never be able to leave. You’ll be stuck here, and...,” he hesitates, “if you die here, because youcanstill die here, Wendee, afinaldeath. If you die in Purgatory, your soul will be lost, forever. Your body will not deteriorate so it would be sacrificed to the Mermaids in the ocean to feed on, and your soul will forever wander in darkness. Alone. With no light, no sound, no feeling other than emptiness.” He pauses and finally brings his haunted eyes to mine. “If you die here, Wendee, your soul will be lost tome. And I would rather have your soul safe for eternity than lost to a place I cannot reach or feel. I don’t care about my shadow wings. I’d give them up for you again and again if it meant I could save you.”
His words pierce my heart like a poison tipped arrow. The pain starts in the center and then slowly flows outward, engulfing my chest until it feels like my lungs will collapse. The pain climbs up my throat and I can’t breathe. No one has ever put me first. No one has ever sacrificedanythingfor me. Sinn still isn’t able to open up to me completely, but he’s given me more than anyone ever has, and yet
his actions are still selfish.
“You’ve made me feel so special, in your way.” I smile weakly. “You’ve done things for me that no one ever has. You’ve seen me, truly seen me, and put me first. But now you’re being just like everyone else. You’re making this decision for me and you’re making it because it’s the best option for YOU. You don’t want to take the chance of losing me forever, but it’s MY soul, Sinn. It’s my choice to make and damn you for keeping this from me.”
I stand up again and he lets me.
“I need some time alone to think about all of this.”
“Wendee, I—”
I raise my hand up to stop him. “No, Sinn. I don’t want to hear any more excuses. I don’t want to hearanything. Just…give me some space.”
He nods once and I turn away from the gorgeous man, no…angel, still on his knees, looking up at me with a deceptively blank face. But his eyes are a storm of emotion that I can’t even begin to concern myself with. Right now, I need to figure out my own damn emotions. I feel elated that Sinn actually cares about me, but I also feel betrayed by his choices.
I need to figure all of this shit out and make a choice about my future. Once again, I’m left with impossible choices and I have no fucking clue what I’m going to do.
Sinn
Call Out My Name by The Weeknd
Once again, The Crocodile has shown up and stirred the pot. All he cares about is creating chaos and madness wherever he goes. He loves to misdirect people, whisper flat-out lies or partial truths in their ear, and then send them on their merry way while he sits back to enjoy the show.
And, once again, his machinations work. They work because I’ve kept information from Wendee. Fuck! And now she believes that I want her to go to Hell so I can get my shadow wings back when, in fact, it has shit to with my wings and everything to do with her soul. But am I making this conclusion because I’m being selfish?
Yes.
The answer is yes.
And if I was in Wendee’s shoes, I’d be pissed at me, too. She’s right. It’s not my choice to make. I can’t seem to do anything right when it comes to her. I just…I don’t think clearly when it comes to anything that has to do with her. But I do know one thing. I need to make this right. We’re down to seven days together, one fucking week, that’s all the time I have left with her. Well, unless she chooses to stay, but that’s not a guarantee so I need to make this right. I don’t want time to run out on us and be left with regrets of wishing and wanting, and I should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. No, I need to know that I did everything in my power to show her how I truly feel. So, when she does make that final choice, at least I’ll know she did it with all of the information and everything out in the open.
No secrets.
No lies.
