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“Ourroutine,” Sinn throws the word back at Hook angrily, “has been the way it is for as long as I can remember. And you,brother, have followed that routine to a T, never once deviating. Now you are, and The Crocodile is being summoned behind my back, and who knows what else is fucking happening around here. I think my suspicion is fucking warranted, don’t you?”
“No one is out to get you, Peter. Everyone here, including me, wants nothing but the best for you.”
“No one knows what’s fucking best for me except for me.”
“Alright guys,” I chime in. “Do you mind if we maybe put the family drama aside for now? It’s literally my last night here and I don’t want to spend it watching you guys fight.”
Sinn’s eyes stay locked on his brother, the suspicion clearly not going anywhere, and I can’t say I blame him. When your gut is telling you something is off, you really should listen to it, but I don’t want him listening to it right now.
Our drinks come and Sinn immediately downs his glass of bourbon and requests another one. He’s definitely not going to let this go but, luckily for me, Hook is the most easy-going person I’ve ever met. He doesn’t let anything or anyone phase him, and before I know it, we’re laughing and talking as if we’ve known each other forever.
“Ok, ok, last one. I promise,” Hook says, as he’s catching his breath. “Why don’t whales wear underwear?”
“Oh my gosh,” I giggle. “Why?”
“Because they prefer aFree Willy.”
I throw my head back and laugh, thankful that I’ve seen the movie and can make the connection to the joke. It doesn’t hurt that the whiskey I’ve been drinking is running through my veins in a smooth relaxing way, allowing my laughter to come more freely. My stomach and cheeks hurt from laughing and smiling so much over the last hour with Hook entertaining me. Sinn hasn’t really joined in on our conversation much, but he’s kept his hand on my thigh, or around my shoulder, holding me close the whole time. And I’ve felt his eyes on me, like I’m feeling them right now.
My laughter is still dying in my chest and the smile is still plastered on my face when I turn to look at him. His stunning blue eyes capture mine and everything around us fades away. I don’t even remember what I was just laughing about.
All I can see is Sinn.
All I can feel is Sinn.
All I can think about is Sinn.
He reaches out and brushes my hair behind my ear and then traces my jaw with his fingertips until his thumb is brushing my lips again. The touch, combined with the fire in his eyes, penetrates my senses and I’m lost. I’m so utterly lost in Sinn’s universe and I never, EVER, want to be found.
“You’re so fucking beautiful when you laugh,” he says in awe, as he continues to hold my face in his large hand. I lean into his touch, closing my eyes for a second, before I meet his fierce gaze again. “I’ve never wanted to make anyone laugh. I’ve always only wanted to cause pain, to control and manipulate, but you…I want so badly to be the one who makes you look this beautiful, but I don’t know how. It’s not who I am,” he says sadly.
I’m still completely lost in Sinn’s world but I hear Hook clear his throat and make some comment about his que to leave. I don’t care if he goes, and I don’t care if he stays. All I care about is this gorgeous man sitting next to me, sharing with me his inner most thoughts and insecurities. I don’t want him to be insecure because he’sexactlywho I’ve always needed.
“Sinn, how many times do I have to tell you that I want you exactly the way you are. I don’t want you to change for anyone, especially me. You’re the one person I waited my entire life to find. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and needed. You keep me safe and put me first, above everything else, you don’t need to make me laugh.”
“But I want to,” he confesses. “I want to be the one to give you everything you deserve, Wendee. And you deserve to be chosen, to be safe, to be put first, and you deserve a lifetime filled with laughter.”
I push down the immense emotions his words stir up inside of me. They’re threatening to claw me open from the inside and break me apart into a million pieces. I don’t know what kind of good karma I have that has allowed me time with this man, but the bad karma must heavily outweigh it since I can’t actually have him in my life forever. Karma is a nasty fucking bitch. But I do have him right now. I have him for another night and I’m not going to waste it.
Before I can suggest it, he’s sliding out of the booth and reaching his hand out for me. “Let’s go upstairs.” I’m more than willing and beyond eager to comply with his request.
One last night.
One last time.
Sinn
Stay by Rihanna
My heart was breaking as I watched her laugh with Hook. Not because I was jealous, although, admittedly, it didn’t feel great to watch her laugh so easily with my brother, but it was more than that. My heart was breaking because I know the kind of life she’s lived. She didn’t have a joyous childhood or life. She’s deeply wounded and scarred, like I am, but she hasn’t let that kill the part inside of her that can laugh.
I envy her for it.
She deserves so much. She’s been an open book, has given me everything I’ve asked from her, and wants to give me more. Meanwhile, all I’ve done is take. What have I given her? The basic fucking things every soul deserves, like being cared for, being protected. That’s all I’ve given her. Things that have come easy to me and cost me nothing.
She deserves better.
She deserves more.
