AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I hang on tightly to her hand as we take the elevator up to the penthouse, but it’s no longer just desire fueling my need to claim her. It’s panic, too. I don’t know why, but I feel like if I let go of her, she’s going to disappear. It’s fucking ridiculous but I don’t want to take the chance of it happening when I need her tonight. I need her more than ever.
I can feel her mood shift to match mine. She’s no longer relaxed and carefree or full of desire. She’s concerned. I can feel it in the way she’s holding my hand, the stiffness to her body, and the way her eyes keep examining me, no doubt trying to read me and understand what’s wrong. What she doesn’t even realize is that she already reads me better than anyone ever has.
She’s not interrogating me and demanding answers to my drastic mood swing. She’s not blaming herself, assuming she did something wrong to cause this change. She’s giving me time I need to deal with my thoughts, to try and fucking figure out these foreign emotions, until I’m ready to speak.
I lead her into the bedroom, finally releasing her hand, and shut and lock the door behind us. No one would dare interrupt me on purpose, but everyone has access to the elevator and I’m not going to chance anyone walking in and witnessing what’s going to happen tonight.
Wendee still hasn’t said a word. She quietly walks into the bathroom, giving me space and not expecting one fucking thing from me. And that’s why I want to give her everything. Because she hasn’t demanded it and she doesn’t expect it.
I pace the bedroom for a few minutes, needing an outlet for my pent-up emotions and energy. Needing time to find the strength and courage that Wendee deserves from me. I end up back where we started the night, standing in the doorway to the bathroom, watching her. No, not just watching her, admiring her. I’m in constant awe of her. I’m in constantneedof her. I know what decision she’s made for tomorrow, and even though I told her I didn’t want her to stay here, in Purgatory, because of the risk to her soul, now…now that I’m faced with the reality of her decision, knowing this will be our last night together, the last time I ever get to see her, touch her, feel her next to me, and under me, and on top of me…fuck! I don’t want to let her go.
“You know I only see you, right?.I’ve only ever seenyou, Sinn.”
Her voice pulls me out of my chaotic thoughts. She’s watching me in the mirror as she uses a wipe to remove her makeup. I don’t know why she bothers with makeup when she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen without it. I tilt me head, refocusing on her and what she just said. She thinks I’m upset because of Hook. I guess my past reactions give her every right to think that but that’s the last thing on my mind.
“I know.”
It’s her turn to tilt her head and examine me. I can see the confusion clear on her face. “Then I’m not sure I understand what caused you to become so…unsettled.”
“I don’t want to be just another selfish person who’s come and gone in your life but neither decision I have leaves me free of that burden.”
Her brows furrow and she frowns. “I don’t understand.”
“You told me something last night that, once it registered, it really fucking pissed me off. You said that I’ve given you more than anyone else ever has, and to be honest, Wendee, I haven’t given you shit. And the fact that what little I have given you is the most you’ve ever received is fucking bullshit.”
She turns to face me directly. “That’s not true,” she huffs incredulously. “You’ve put me first soooo many times, Sinn. You saved me during the lowest and worst point in my life. You’ve opened up to me and—”
“No, Wendee, I haven’t. I’ve still kept myself closed off from you while you’ve been eager and willing to give me everything, including going to Hell for an eternity so I can get my wings back.”
“I—”
I shake my head. “Don’t try to deny it, Wendee, I know you’ve made your decision to leave tomorrow. No doubt that’s why Hook is here once again, which brings us to my current frustration. My choice to keep the information about staying in Purgatory was selfish. I want your soul safe, so that I can always feel you, always have you with me. For eternity. And if I ask you to stay…” I slowly walk toward her, still trying to gather my courage, until I’m standing right in front of her.
She tilts her head back, her green eyes remaining locked on mine. I swear I’m going to lose myself in their depths. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m going to find myself.
I hold her face in my hand and continue, “If I ask you to stay, I’m still being selfish because it’s truly what I want. I want to be able to touch you, and kiss you, and—”
“Fuck me,” she interrupts with a smirk.
I chuckle. “Yes, Wendee, and fuck you. Because having you here makes this miserable life bearable.You’remy Heaven. You’re the missing piece of my soul and I want you here more than anything else in this fucking universe and to fucking Hell with the risks.”
“Sinn…”
“Hush,” I silence her with a finger to her lips, “let me finish.” She nods. “I’m asking you to stay, Wendee. I’m asking you to choose me, like I’ve chosen you.” I watch as her eyes tear up and I don’t know if they’re tears of happiness or sadness. Maybe both.
“But I also know that if I’m asking you to stay, if I want you tochooseme and share this life and the risks with me, I need to prove to you that I’m worthy. I need to give you everything that you deserve and not just the basic fucking things I’ve given you so far. You deserve to beloved, Wendee, wholly and fully. And I’ve loved you since I laid eyes on you.”
“I love you, too, Sinn. Ever since that night,” she whispers, voice tight, as a tear finally falls down her cheek.
I close my eyes for a brief second as her declaration sinks in. She loves me too. Thank fuck. Because I don’t know that I would have been able to handle it if she didn’t. If she left me. But she’s not going to leave because she loves me, too. Her feelings for me solidify what I need to do.
“I didn’t want to acknowledge it because I’m fucking terrified. I’ve never been in love, Wendee. So, you’ll have to be patient with me, but I’m done fighting. I’m done hiding…fromyou.”
I take a step away from her as I begin to unbutton my shirt. My hands shake slightly and my heart feels like it’s about to explode inside of my chest. Fear and uncertainty are coursing through my veins stronger than ever before, but I hold onto Wendee’s gaze, taking all the reassurance I need from her steadfast resolve.
She’s looking at me like I’m her entire world. The way she looks at me penetrates through my skin and caresses my fucking soul. No one has ever seen me past my carefully constructed masks. No one has ever even tried to truly see me before. Only Wendee. And still, I hesitate once I’ve unbuttoned and untucked my shirt. My hands freeze as I’m about to pull the shirt off.
Wendee reaches out, her small, soft hands lay gently on top of mine. “You don’t have to do this, Sinn.”
