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There’s a cracking sound that must be an egg.
“How do you have that much money?” Leo wonders, then hastily apologizes. “Sorry. Mom said I’m not supposed to ask about money.”
I bite my bottom lip hard enough, it hurts. Maybe I was too hard on him. I’m not sure how much to encourage when it comes to Nick. It seems inevitable he’ll discover the real source of Nick’s wealth eventually, if he hasn’t surmised enough already.
“Your mom is right. Some people get uncomfortable, talking about money. But you can ask me anything, Leo. If I don’t want to talk about it, I’ll tell you.”
“Okay.” Leo’s voice has brightened, undoubtedly compiling all the things he can ask Nick about now that he’s been given free rein to ask. “Did you talk about a lot of things with your dad?”
I hover even though I should walk away because Leo is asking questions I’m not sure I have the right to ask. I’m curious about Nick’s childhood. His parents. How someone gets molded into who he’s become—a ruthless killer who kisses tenderly and hugs tightly.
“No.” Nick’s voice has changed, taking on a somber tone. “I didn’t.”
“How did your dad die?”
Another question I never asked. I never told Leo his paternal grandfather is gone, so Nick must have.
“He was betrayed,” Nick answers. “By someone he shouldn’t have trusted.”
“Do you miss him?”
“I wish he were still alive. I wouldn’t be…as busy if he were. I could spend more time with you.”
“I wish you lived closer.”
“I know, buddy. Me too. But let’s have fun today, okay?”
“Okay.”
I keep walking down the rest of the hall even though I want to stay and eavesdrop. Leo hasn’t asked me many questions about his father. He’s a perceptive kid who has undoubtedly figured out that the situation is complicated. I’m just now realizing that I thought he would ask me any questions, not Nick directly. I somehow missed how close they got. How comfortable Leo is around Nick. How he doesn’t just revere him. He trusts him.
I’m worried he’ll resent me for moving thousands of miles away from his father. He already knows leaving was my choice, not Nick’s. And he has picked up enough on Nick’s business to understand it’s not a mobile business, that Nick needs to be there for his work.
Leo’s quiet disappointment on the plane ride back here was difficult to endure. I thought being back in Philadelphia would help. Returning to his old school, seeing AJ and his other friends. His room down the hall is twice the size of the one in our old apartment with its own attached bathroom, just like in Russia.
None of that put the massive grin on his face this morning. That was all Nick.
Back in my room, I take a long, hot shower. The warm water pounds my skin and relaxes my muscles. But it does absolutely nothing to soothe the turmoil in my head.
I went to Russia, planning to leave at the first possible opportunity. It was something to cling to through the terror and uncertainty, a proverbial, familiar light at the end of an unfamiliar tunnel. When the barrier keeping us from leaving was lifted, it was easiest to leave. To avoid the confusing feelings and the complications and the fear by retreating into the known. By following the plan that was in place and returning to the life I created as a single mother.
But the problem with change is, you can’t revert to your former self.
Change is irrevocable.
Irreversible.
I’ll forever live with the memories of the six weeks of living in that big house. They passed so slowly, and yet all but a few hours from that final day are ones I wish I could rewind and relive all over again.
Leo is everything to me. The only blood relative I have left. We feel incomplete without Nick now. Like part of a family rather than two halves of a whole.
When I finally step out of the shower, a swirl of steam informs me I stayed in longer than I meant to. The mirror is fogged, to the point I can only make out a rough outline of my face. I got lost in a labyrinth of my own thoughts, looking for some new path to appear.
Nick’s presence in the condo feels like it changes things. But it doesn’t, not really. It’s just muddying murky waters.
He never asked me to stay. Never indicated there was anyusin the future. Even the sex was usually initiated by me.
Nick is probably happy to have his house to himself again. He’s probably screwing his way through the women who were eyeing him at that party and possibly planning to marry Anastasia Popov.
