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I never thought I’d see her again. Not in this life.
Everything about Lyla screams she thought the same about me. Her frozen posture. Her bloodless face.
And as fucking stunned as I am to actually be seeing her, as panicked as I am about what this will mean—what lies I’ll have to spin or what promises I’ll be tempted to make and possibly break—I smile. A sensation that feels strange—I don’t do much smiling these days.
It’s good to see you.
I think it; I don’t say it. Because surprise hasn’t altered reality. I’m about to be the asshole who lets her down—again. Who offers a fat check and takes zero responsibility. I won’t preface that with a nice-guy act even if it isn’t fake.
Doing what’s best for someone else and doing what you want often diverge.
My smile seems to be what jolts Lyla out of her shock at finding me standing outside her apartment building.
“Hi.”
Déjà vu hits. This is exactly how our first conversation started. It was also prefaced by lots of staring and silence.
“Hi,” I repeat.
Lyla fiddles with the strap of the purse slung over one shoulder. “I guess Alex was downplaying how much you two talk.”
I study her closely, trying to gauge how much Alex told her. He’s loyal. He’d never disclose any details about my family or business. But I could hear the sympathy in his voice last night. The same tone that questioned my choice to leave this city in the middle of the night nine years ago.
I should have asked Alex a few more questions about their conversation before I hung up on him. I planned to after I’d gained some distance. Done some processing. “He called me last night.”
“You live nearby then.”
“No. I just happened to be in New York when he called.”
She doesn’t ask where Idolive. “Do you visit New York often?”
I wasn’t expecting this…civility. It feels a little like a job interview—tiptoeing around small talk. “A few times a year.”
“Do you visit Philadelphia?”
“No. This is the first time I’ve been back.”
Lyla nods once, absorbing that. “I would have told you sooner, if I could have. If youhadever come back before now.” A trace of the anger I expected her to lead with appears, leaking into the words.
“I know.” I watch her fiddle with the strap of her bag again. “Lyla…me leaving? It didn’t have anything to do with you.”
Hurt and annoyance flash across her face, hardening elegant features. “I figured. I wasn’t much of a factor at all.”
I reconsider my words. I’m out of practice, considering others before I speak. “That’s not what I—”
“Do you want to meet him?”
Usually, I appreciate straightforwardness. Right now, I’m wishing we could revert to discussing my travel schedule.
More than anything.“I’m not sure…if I should.”
At that, she scoffs. “Fine. We’ve done just fine without you. Walk away again, Nick.”
“Things are complicated, Lyla.”
Knowing she must hate me was hard to stomach. Seeing it on her face is a form of torture more effective than any I’ve experienced before.
“Complicated.” She repeats the word with a heavy dose of scorn. “Sure, your life is complicated, but being a single mom has been a fucking walk in the park. Highly recommend getting knocked up by a guy, only to have him disappear without so much as asee you later.”
