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“No.” She shakes her head, sympathy softening her gaze. “I just thought it was… I don’t know, sad I guess.”
My chest loosens. “You don’t need to worry. I don’t feel sad.”
“I just don’t understand why you’d have that rule.” She looks up at me.
This one’s easy. “Because nobody gets hurt this way. Relationships always end in tears and I don’t like it.”
“Maybe you just haven’t met the right woman,” Ava suggests, with hope in her eyes. And I realize something. Myles hasn’t told her about my past. I’m glad of that, because I don’t need her to look at me differently.
“If she was the right woman I definitely wouldn’t want to hurt her.”
She still looks sad though. And I hate that. “Relax,” I tell her. “I’m happy. I enjoy my life. And I make sure everybody around me enjoys it, too.” That’s what I like. That’s what I’m good at.
“Okay.” She smiles at me. “I’m glad you can come next Saturday anyway.”
“Me too.”
Charlie chooses that moment to start crying. Ava scoops him up and holds him against her chest and he immediately quietens.
An image flashes into my mind, of Sophie holding Charlie. The way she looked that day at the christening. So pretty. So happy.
Yeah, I wouldn’t want to hurt her either. And I definitely wouldn’t want to be hurt by her.
“I’m going to head back to the bungalow,” I tell her, because I can see Charlie snuffling around her, and it feels like it’s probably time for him to nurse. “You need anything before I go?”
“No, I’m good.” She smiles at me. “Go relax. It’s good to have you home.”
* * *
Later that night, I’m sitting in front of my laptop replying to emails in an attempt to make a dent in my overfull inbox. My conversation with Ava is still playing on my mind. I’m not annoyed at Sophie for telling her about me – it’s not exactly something I hide – but it’s made me think about Sophie and that night again.
And I’m finding it impossible to get out of my mind.
I wasn’t lying when I told her I wish I’d made her come. I also wish to hell that I remember that night. Damn those cocktails. I never usually drink like that but it had been Myles and Ava’s pre-wedding party.
I guess I got a little bit emotional at the thought of my big brother settling down.
I remember some of the night. Spending time with Myles and our brothers, plus some of his New York friends who’d flown down for the occasion. Then we’d met up with Ava and her friends – a whole bunch of them because she’s lived here for most of her life. And she’s just one of those people who everybody loves.
Things get a little hazy after the party died down. I can remember my brothers going on to a nightclub and Myles refusing so I stayed with him. And then I remember getting him and Ava into a car before walking back into the bar where Sophie was trying to settle the tab.
I’d insisted on paying and she’d argued with me about it. And then we’d ordered another round of cocktails while we finished the argument. When I won, we ordered more and started talking about dating and how much harder it was in your thirties – or in my case forties. That’s when I must have told her about my rule.
And then? Nothing. I can’t remember going home with her and I can’t remember sleeping with her. I only remember the next morning.
Somebody like Sophie deserves to be remembered.
I try to reply to another email but I can’t concentrate. Sighing, I get up and pour myself some water and grab my phone.
I don’t really want to talk about this with any of my brothers, but it’s pulling at my brain. So I pull Eli’s number up and he answers right after the first ring.
“Hey, you just caught me. I’m literally walking out to my car.” Eli sounds out of breath and I realize he was playing tonight.
I’d completely forgot and feel bad because I always watch his games. I quickly type into my laptop so I can see the end result.
“Congratulations,” I say.
“Cheers. So what’s up?”
