Page 102 of Beautifully Scarred


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We stay on the phone for a minute, neither of us speaking. The sound of the waves doesn’t relax me like it usually does.

“What are you going to do?” Tripp asks.

“What can I do? It’s not like I want her back in my life. I’m with Adelaide now. What went down between us… nothing can ever erase that.”

“Can I be straight with you for a minute?”

My chin falls to my chest. “You know you can always be straight with me.”

He sighs. “What I’m gonna say is probably going to surprise you. When all that shit went down, you were a mess and you did everything and anything to push away dealing with what happened. Don’t get me wrong, you were a great wingman.”

I chuckle.

“But you never really dealt with what went down. You cut Lilah out of your life, yeah, but she disappeared before you ever got answers, and Bernie’s a prick, so he was no help. You just pretended it didn’t happen, and any time I tried to bring her up, you got pissed. Eventually I respected that it was your business and stopped asking. But you’re getting married in a few months. And I know you love Adelaide, I’m not questioning that. But if there’s lingering questions about the past, maybe you need to get the answers so you can start the next chapter in your life with a clean slate.”

I get what he’s saying but I can’t help but worry that if I open this door, I might not be able to close it. What Adelaide and I have is uncomplicated. After the roller coaster life with Lilah, I’m enjoying uncomplicated a lot.

“I get what you’re saying but what if instead of giving me closure, it drags me back to the past?”

Tripp’s the only one I trust with my real fear. My fear that seeing Lilah again will ruin the life I’m trying hard to build. It might not be the life I envisioned, but things and people change.

“I can’t guarantee that won’t happen. You and Lilah share something most people don’t. But if you don’t address it now, do you really want to say your wedding vows to Adelaide when your mind isn’t free from Lilah?”

“Fuck, I hate it when you’re right.” I stand from the step and turn to head back up the stairs.

“It’s a gift.” He laughs.

“Yeah, well, I wish you were a dumbass who just told me I’m an idiot and to move on with my life.”

“Sorry,” he says, turning serious. “It’s only fair to Adelaide and you.”

“Do you think I should mention all this to her?” I slide open the door, and the air conditioning chills my body.

“Fuck, no. I might be sounding all hearts and flowers right now, but donottell her.”

“If I do this without telling her, I’m a liar, and you know how I feel about liars.”

“Man, I get it, but telling Adelaide will only upset her, and the whole point of you putting the past to rest is so you don’t have to upset her in the future.”

He’s right. I know it, but after being the one deceived for so many years, I hate deceiving others.

“Maybe I’ll start with hiring a private investigator to track her down and decide from there.”

“Good idea.”

“All right. Thanks for the chat.”

“No problem. If you need an escape, you know you can always join us on tour.”

I chuckle, remembering the month I toured with him and the band after Lilah and I split. “Yeah, I almost died the first time I took you up on that offer."

“Ah, but what a glorious way to go, right?” He laughs. “Come on, we’ll call it your bachelor party."

“I’m sure Adelaide would love that.”

“Say hi to the ball and chain for me.”

“Will do. Talk to you later.”

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