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It’s hard not to jump ahead and think of what the future will bring, all the places I want to take her, all the experiences I want to give her.
The sound of the screen door shutting draws me from my thoughts. Lilah sits in the rocking chair to my left.
“You tired her out. She went straight to sleep, no fuss.”
I give her a small smile. “Let’s get down to it, okay? What’s the plan?”
She plays with her hands in her lap, unable to meet my gaze. “You tell me. What do you want to happen?”
What I want to say is, "Why didn’t you ask me this question six years ago? We should be raising her as a couple. I should be up there reading her a story and tucking her under the covers." But I don’t. We can’t go back. The damage is done. Decisions were made. The best thing I can do for Monica is look forward.
“I want to get to know my daughter, and when the time is right, I want us to tell her who I am. But before I do any of that, I have to tell Adelaide.”
Her gaze flicks up to meet mine. “How do you think she’ll react?”
“I’ll worry about that.” Mine and Adelaide’s relationship is none of Lilah’s damn business.
“I have to worry about it because it has the potential to affect my daughter. I’m not going to let someone treat my daughter—”
I raise my hand to stop her. “Enough. I’ll deal with Adelaide. I’d never put my daughter in a situation like that.”
She nods. “Okay.”
“What’s your work schedule like?” I ask.
“I have Wednesdays and Sundays off.”
I roll that over in my head and come up with what I think is the best idea. “This weekend is off the table, but I’ll fly into town on Fridays and watch Monica while you’re at work on Saturday. I’ll fly back out on Sundays.”
“Sure, yeah, okay,” she says in a small voice.
Standing from the rocker, I face her. “Probably best if I put you in my phone so I can text you if need be.”
I pull my phone from my pocket, type in my password, and pass it to her without thinking. She holds it and hurt flashes across her features. The background screen is a selfie of Adelaide and me on the beach outside my Malibu place.
I shouldn’t feel remorseful, but I do. Old habits die hard. I haven’t done anything wrong and she’s the one who put herself in this position.
Her thumbs run over the screen and she passes it back.
“Will it just be you coming next weekend?” Her eyes still won't meet mine.
“I won’t introduce Monica to Adelaide until she’s used to the idea of who I am. Let’s take it one step at a time.”
She stands from her rocking chair. “Well, let me know what time you’ll be here Friday. You can come for dinner.”
“Do you need anything before I leave? Are there any expenses for Monica you need help with?”
Her eyes narrow. The woman who looked lost a minute ago straightens her back like a prize-winning bull ready to play a game of chicken. “I don’t need your money, Jimmy.”
Without another word, she brushes by me and retreats into the house.
I remind myself it’s only day three.
Chapter Fifty-five
JIMMY
Adelaide arrives home earlier than expected and immediately peppers me with wedding details that need to be finalized. She doesn't notice my fake enthusiasm when my preoccupied head is everywhere but on our wedding.
