AllFreeNovel
Share Us
We eat on the deck, unwinding with a glass of wine for her and a beer for me. The sun descending is like a clock in my head. The deeper it falls below the horizon, the heavier the secret weighs on my shoulders. My palms are clammy and sweat dots my forehead as the secret seems to get heavier and heavier on my shoulders. I wipe my forehead with my napkin and run my palms down my shorts.
I have no idea how she’ll react, and that realization leaves an uncomfortable feeling in my gut. Shouldn’t I know my fiancée well enough to predict how she’ll feel about this? Then again, this isn’t an everyday couple problem.
I refill her glass of wine and set the bottle on the table.
“Thanks, honey. I’ve needed this, though I can only have one more if I want to look my best on our wedding day. I’ll savor it though.”
I smile at her and watch her take a tiny sip. Sometimes she feels like a different woman than the one I met onThe Regulator.
“There’s something I need to talk to you about.” I grip the arms of the chair until my fingers ache.
“Uh oh. That sounds ominous.” She sets down her wine glass and frowns.
I release my grip on the armrests and push a hand through my hair.
“James, what is it?” She reaches over but never makes contact with me.
“I saw Lilah while you were away.”
She stills and backs up in her seat, the caring gesture stripped by one woman’s name. That doesn’t surprise me. “She’s back in town?”
I shake my head. “A couple weeks ago, I was watching the news and I thought I saw her, which got me thinking about where she ended up and whether she ever got her shit together. It’s something that’s been on my mind more and more lately. Not because I have those feelings for her anymore.” I try to put all my jumbled thoughts in a logical order so she'll understand this was all for her. “But I think because we were on and off for so long and I always thought that at some point in my life, it would be her I’d be marrying.”
Well, shit, I didn’t intend for that to come out.
Adelaide’s mouth hangs open. I’m as surprised as she is. But it’s the truth, and if I’m going to do one thing for our marriage, it’ll be that there are no untruths between us.
“Go on.” She grips the stem of her wine glass, circling it on the table.
“I wasn’t feeling like I missed her romantically, but I never got answers as to why she betrayed me. I never got the closure I needed. When I saw her on TV, it sent my curiosity into overdrive. I called Tripp to tell him how I was feeling about everything and he suggested finding her to hash it out.”
“Remind me to thank him,” she deadpans.
“Adelaide.” I reach across to the table to take her free hand, but she places it in her lap. My chest constricts. “I only wanted to get answers because I want to move into this marriage with a clear head and heart. I didn’t want anything from my past lingering in my psyche. And the reason I didn’t tell you was because I was doing all this to not hurt you. I know It sounds stupid when I say it out loud, but it made sense at the time.”
She’s quiet for a minute. I meet her gaze, willing her to see the truth.
“And how is sweet Lilah these days? Still giving blow jobs for a bump?” She raises the wine glass to her lips and takes a sip.
I blow out a breath and look at the sunset for a moment. As mad as I am at Lilah, I hate it when Adelaide says shit about her.
“Actually, she has her act together. She’s been sober since I last saw her.” Even I can’t deny there’s pride in my tone. No matter how pissed off I am at her, what she did with her life, the way she turned it around, is amazing. Many have tried and failed. I heard all the sad stories of death and prison and diseases when I was attending the Al-Anon meetings. Lilah beat the odds.
“What are you trying to say, James?” Her voice holds anger, but her shaking wine glass says she fearful.
I suck in a deep breath before I really lay it on her. “Not what you’re thinking.”
“What I’m thinking is that my fiancé snuck off to see his ex while I was working and figured out he still has feelings for her!” She pushes out her chair and stands, leaning toward me with her hands on the table.
“It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?” she asks between clenched teeth.
“I have a daughter.”
Her eyes widen and she inhales a deep breath that, for a moment, I think might come back out shooting flames. The veins in her neck are about to pop. She pushes off the table and stands by the glass guardrail.
I wait to say anything else. Let her mind wrap around the news. I make my way over and stand beside her, both of us facing the ocean.
