Page 131 of Beautifully Scarred


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“I left my work number and the number of the next-door neighbor on the kitchen table. Eileen looks after her when I work on Saturdays, so if you have any problems, you can always ask her. But don’t hesitate to call me if you need me.”

What the hell? She looks as if she’s on the verge of tears.

“Hey?” I pat Monica on the top of her head. “Why don’t you go head down to your room and I’ll meet you there in a few minutes? I need to talk to your mom for a second.”

“Can we play Barbies again?” she asks, looking as though she’s hanging on the edge, waiting for my answer.

“Sure thing.”

“Yay!” She gives Lilah a hug, and her mom squeezes her tightly then bends at the waist to give her a kiss.

“You be good for Jimmy, okay?”

Monica nods and runs down the hall to her room before disappearing inside.

“Why do you look like you’re going to burst out crying?” I ask.

“Am I that obvious?” She walks into the kitchen, and I follow her.

“You always were shit at hiding your emotions, at least to me.”

Our gazes lock for a second before she opens one of the cupboard doors and pulls down a travel mug. “I’m afraid to leave Monica with you today.”

“Why?” My voice is a little louder than I intend.

She turns to me and her eyes brim with tears, her teeth on her bottom lip. Is she doing that on purpose? She knows what that used to do to me. Is she trying to manipulate me?

“I’m afraid you’re going to take her and leave.”

Her statement feels as if Mike Trout just swung his bat into my chest. Before I can answer, she carries on.

“I know you’re not that guy, or at least you didn’t used to be. But you have the money and the resources to make it happen. And then I’d have to fight you with what little I have to get her back and I’d never win. I’m afraid if I walk out of here, I’ll never see her again, yet I know I have to. I know this is a step forward that I need to take, it’s just hard not to let the panic take hold and—”

Tears track down her face and she looks as though her entire world is falling apart. I pull her into my arms, and she buries her head into my chest, crying. A minute later, I realize what I’ve done, and I stiffen. This is definitely crossing the line.

Lilah must sense the change in my demeanor, because she steps away, her cheeks pink, her eyes anywhere but on mine.

“I wouldn’t do that. It would destroy Monica.”

She nods, wiping her cheeks with her free hand, and fills her travel mug from the coffee pot on the counter. “I know, I do. I’ve just lived with that fear for so long that it’s hard to shake. And yes, I know that if I’d been honest from the start this wouldn’t be happening.” She says the last as if I was armed and ready to throw that at her.

Funny, but that retort wasn’t even on the end of my tongue.

At the fridge, she pours some milk in her coffee then turns to face me. “Any questions before I go?”

I shake my head. “Nah, I think I’m good. I’ll text you if anything comes up.”

“Okay, see you later then.”

I head down the hall to Monica’s room, eager to spend my first real day with my daughter.

Does Lilah think that I don't worry that tomorrow morning, when I fly off to LA, she might take Monica? I have money and resources, but Lilah could make her and Monica disappear too.

I guess we’re both stuck having to trust each other. Our biggest issue that was probably the root cause of that night.

* * *

Monica decidedon grilled cheese for lunch, which she sweetly refers to as 'girl cheese' Freakin’ adorable. I sit across from her, intently listening to a story about the dog next door while she nibbles on her sandwich.

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