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“Yah! Can we go back home now? I’m hungry and Mommy said I could watch a movie after dinner.”
“We can. Wanna ride on my shoulders on the way?”
Excitement lights her face. Totally worth the backache I’ll have when we get to the house. There’s no doubt I’ll do anything for this girl.
Chapter Sixty-nine
LILAH
After we clean up dinner, I’m on the couch searching through Netflix for a movie appropriate for Monica. Jimmy emerges from upstairs in a pair of dark grey sweats and a fitted white T-shirt. I swallow down my arousal, noticing the way the shirt clings to his muscles and how the seams pull around his biceps.
I avert my gaze for fear of him seeing me check him out. If he knew the way I’m still drawn to him, he’d be uncomfortable.
During the past weeks, when we walk down to the pier with Monica or make dinner together, it’s hard to remember that this isn’t the Lilah and Jimmy show. He’s here for Monica.
“You guys find anything to watch?” he asks, sitting on the far side of the couch from Monica and me.
“I think we’ve settled on this one,” I say, pointing at the screen.
He nods and leans back into the couch, his arms extended.
I hit Play on the movie and wrap my right arm around Monica, who’s cuddled into my side as she usually is when we watch a movie.
We’re about five minutes into it when Monica looks up at me. “Can Jimmy sit down here with us?”
I meet his gaze over her head. “Sure, if he wants to.” I keep my voice light, as if having him close won’t affect me in the slightest. It shouldn’t. I know that. But I might as well be put in a straitjacket with the last piece of food to keep me alive in front of me.
He smiles at Monica and slides down the couch so he’s sitting in the middle. “Better?”
“Closer.” Monica pats the space right beside her.
His eyes flick to mine for a second before he slides down more. Once he’s where she wants him, the back of my hand is pressed against the side of his arm.
The heat from his body seeps into mine and my heartbeat picks up speed as if I’m running for my life. I’m completely rigid as I sit there pretending to watch the movie. In reality, I’m completely tuned to every muscle twitch, shift in weight, and breath that Jimmy takes.
It’s maddening. My fingers itch to glide over him. I want to turn and look at him. Look in those honest eyes to see if he’s struggling as much as I am. When it’s enough that I want to crawl out of my skin, I shift Monica off of me.
“I have to use the bathroom.” I stand.
“Want us to pause it?” Jimmy asks, sounding cool, calm, and collected—or simply completely unaffected.
“No, I’ll just be a minute.”
I end up taking five. Staring into the bathroom mirror, I gather the energy to be unfazed by our chemistry.He’s coming off a broken engagement. You’re just his daughter’s mother, you’re no longer the love of his life.
Repeating that mantra to myself, it’s clear I’ve once again fallen for the only man who’s ever held my heart.
* * *
Later that night,a few hours after we’ve put Monica to bed and I’m in my room reading, I hear her cry out. I toss the book onto the mattress, throw off the covers, and rush across the hall.
From the glare of the nightlight, I see she’s sitting up in bed.
“You okay, kiddo?” I ask, crossing the room.
She sniffles. “I had a bad dream.”
I sit down on the bed and pull her into my arms. “Do you remember what it was about?” I rub her back.
