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“How long are you planning on staying in Kansas?” she asks, her voice soft.
“As long as it takes.”
Her eyes widen. “As long as what takes?”
Without responding, I lean in slowly until our lips are a breath apart.
The microwave beeps, breaking the spell.
She blinks a couple of times and steps back. With a sigh, I turn and head back to the microwave.
“We need to talk about… all this when Monica’s not around.”
Opening a cupboard door, I pull down a bowl and place it on the counter. “I look forward to that conversation.”
She doesn’t say anything, heading back to the theatre room to join our daughter.
* * *
Once again,Monica falls asleep during the movie and I convince Lilah to let her spend the night, so I carry Monica up to the bedroom then join Lilah in the family room. She’s sitting on the couch, fiddling with her hands in her lap. Clearly, she’s nervous about the conversation she knows is coming, and though I don’t want to push her into anything she’s not comfortable with, I get the feeling I need to apply a little pressure to get her to open up.
I sit on the coffee table to be across from her.
She glances up, and a deep line lies between her eyebrows. “Jimmy, what are we doing?”
I sigh and take her hands, my elbows on my knees. “I think the better question is what do we want to do.”
She swallows and tries to slip her hands from mine, but I squeeze them and don’t let her retreat. Sooner or later, this conversation has to happen.
“Look, Lilah, I think we can both agree that there’s still something between us. If there wasn’t, last week never would’ve happened.”
She looks at her lap, refusing to meet my gaze. “But you were just engaged not that long ago. I can’t…” She swallows hard, and her eyes shimmer. “I can’t be a rebound for you.”
A mixture of anger and hurt whirl inside me. How could she ever think she's my rebound? “In what universe do you think you could ever be a rebound to me? Rebounds are supposed to be easy and uncomplicated, and nothing about us has ever been either of those things. Now that we share a daughter, that’s even more true. You would literally be the worst person for me to rebound with—if that’s what I was looking for.”
“What are you looking for?” she whispers.
“I can’t make any promises. Neither of us can. I just want to explore whatever this is between us.”
“What exactly does that mean? You want to sleep together again?”
I chuckle even if it’s bad timing. “I’d be a liar if I said that’s not on my top five list of things I’d like to do with you, but there’s a list of more.”
A small smile tilts the corners of her mouth. Finally. “Ditto.” She blushes and looks back down at her hands.
I bend my head down so that she’s forced to look me in the eye. “Did you just admit that you want to sleep with me again?” I ask with a grin.
She chuckles and pushes me in the shoulder. “Stop.”
I laugh and take one of her hands, stroking the underside with my thumb. “Listen, I agree that we shouldn’t let Monica think we’re together at this point. I don’t want to confuse her if we decide we’re better as friends. But the way I see it, there’s really no option. There’s still something between us, and it’s going to be there regardless of whether we decide to ignore it and date other people or not. So let’s explore what it is, what it means, and at least then we’ll know. And if we decide we’re better off just as friends and co-parents, it won’t be hanging over our heads as some unsettled issue.”
She’s quiet for a minute, but I resist the urge to try to convince her further. It’s her time to come to me now.
“I’m not sure I can go through losing you again,” she whispers, and the pained look on her face nearly guts me.
I squeeze her hand. “I’m hoping you won’t have to.”
She inhales a shaky breath and closes her eyes before she nods.
