AllFreeNovel
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It’s Sunday, and Monica is coloring quietly in the play area while I’m sitting at the breakfast bar, looking on my laptop for a recipe to make for dessert tonight, when Jimmy comes in. He takes the seat beside me and waits patiently for me to finish reading.
Moments like this feel surreal. Sometimes I find myself questioning if this is really happening, if after everything that went down, am I really here with this man again, feeling as though no time has passed at all.
“Do you have a minute to talk?” he asks when I face him.
“Sure, what’s up?”
“I wanted to talk to you about the possibility of having you and Monica out to my place in Malibu. The Kids’ Pick Honors are in a couple of weeks, and I thought that maybe we could take her. She’d get to meet a lot of the people she sees on TV. I thought she might get a kick out of it.”
Anxiety tightens my chest and I struggle to breathe. I close my laptop. “I’m sure she would.”
“But…?”
I sigh. “I don’t want her exposed to that lifestyle. The last thing I want is for her to be paraded around the red carpet and photographed. It’s one thing for the press to try to get a picture of her, and yes, I know that will happen at some point. We’ve been lucky to avoid it so far. But it’s another entirely to invite them to do it.”
“I should’ve been clearer.” He takes my hand. “I have no intentions of the three of us hitting the red carpet. We can go in the back way, watch the show, and leave the same way. I’m sure they’ll get some shots of the three of us in the audience, but it might be a good way to let the press get a look at us and most importantly, Monica. It would allow us to control what they see, and they wouldn't have the opportunity to ask questions or scare her.”
I inhale past the constriction in my chest and bite my bottom lip but stop when I see the way Jimmy’s attention goes there. “Are you saying you want to come out to the press as a couple? I’m not ready for that. Monica doesn’t even know there’s anything more between us.”
“Screw the press. We don’t have to give a statement to them either way. They’ll speculate for sure, but if you want, I can always send out a statement through my people that says we’re just friends and co-parents.”
That eases some of my worry. I’m torn. We’ll have to be in front of the press at some point, but I love this little universe we’ve created for ourselves. But it’s not destined to last. At some point, Jimmy will want to go back to work and Monica will be old enough to understand what her dad does for a living. She’ll want to tag along with him to events.
“You’re not usually this quiet about your opinions. What are you worried about?” He looks at me with concern, and I know out of anyone in this world, I can confide in him.
“Let me check on Monica first, then we can talk.”
He nods, and I use the distance to clear my thoughts. Once I make sure that Monica is still content with coloring and doesn’t need anything, I return to find Jimmy sitting on the couch in the family room.
“Sit.” He pats the space beside him. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
I sit down. “I haven’t exactly lived a saintly life, and most of it’s been documented in the press. I’m scared to expose myself to that lifestyle again because it’s going to bring all that up, even though I’m a different person now. And the worst part isn’t just how it’ll make me feel, but that my daughter will be exposed to all my wrongdoings.”
Sympathy shines in his dark eyes, and he tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “We’re not going to put either of you in a position where the press will be yelling questions at you, okay?”
I nod. “I know that, but it’s just bringing it all up. At some point, Monica is going to find out who I used to be. I’m just so ashamed. What if she looks at me differently? What if she doesn’t love me anymore?”
I put voice to my biggest fear—the one thing that would be my complete undoing.
“Sweetheart, before that would ever happen, we’ll have spoken to her ourselves, set the context and the narrative. She’ll know her mom for the strong survivor that she is. Not perfect, no, but none of us are. Hell, I have my own secrets—”
“And she’llneverknow about that. Ever.”
He smiles at my fierce tone. “I know, but my point is that I’m not perfect either. Monica won’t expect you to be. Let’s just take it one day at a time. Remember when you pinkie swore to leave the past behind us?”
“I’m trying. I really am. Sometimes it feels impossible to start over. The weight of the past and all the reminders of everything we’ve been through are constantly lurking around the perimeter.”
“Hey, you got this, okay?”
I nod, though I still don’t feel entirely confident. But encountering the media will happen one way or another at some point soon. Might as well do it on our terms rather than someone else’s.
“Okay, why don’t you go tell her? I’m sure she’ll be excited.”
He places a chaste kiss on my lips. “Thank you. I can’t wait to see her face.”
I smile as he takes off to go surprise our daughter. I push my uneasiness aside and decide to see if Monica wants to go for a swim at the rec center this afternoon. I need to get out of my head for a while.
* * *
