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“You sure you don’t want me to help you to the house with those?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I can manage.”
Dragging my luggage across the driveway to the house will be the easiest thing I do all day. I’m worried about memories and triggers. Jimmy’s is the safest place I can come to and that’s why I’m here, but there could be expectations and I hate disappointing Jimmy.
“All right then. Have a good one.” He gets back into the car.
I wait for him to pull away before I punch the code into the gate and pull my luggage behind me as I head toward the house. Just setting eyes on this place frays my nerves. The last time I was here, I lived an entirely different lifestyle.
Before I reach the door, the gate closes.
He knows I’m here.
Butterflies flutter in my stomach. I’m more nervous to see him now than when he visited me in rehab.
The front door opens, and he appears.
I stop, taking him in. He’s gorgeous with his movie-star looks, wearing a pair of black athletic pants and a fitted white tee that sets off his dark hair. It curls at the ends because it’s longer than the last time I saw him. His eyes glisten with emotion as he looks at me.
One thing therapy helped me to sort out was my feelings for this man. I’ve always loved Jimmy—I know that now. I resisted giving him the words for the longest time. According to my counselors, that’s what happens when your mom dies and your dad… does what he does. You think that everyone you care for will hurt you. But Jimmy’s proven to me over and over that isn’t the case.
My newfound emotions make this homecoming harder though.
I don’t know anything about his life or what he’s been doing these last three months. Having been cut off from the outside world, I have no idea if he’s seeing anyone, dating, or what.
I need to be honest with him about my feelings. Honesty is my new policy in life. It’s the only way I’m going to stay sober. Bottling up my emotions is a toxic endeavor and I’ve worked so hard to get where I am. I don’t want to waste my chance.
“Hey,” I say.
My voice startles him out of his daze. He bolts down the steps toward me.
I abandon my luggage and meet him halfway, where we crash into each other, squeezing tightly.
He turns his head into my neck and murmurs against my skin, “You’re home.”
“I missed you so much.”
He pulls away and cups my face, gazing down at me with a smile that fills my heart with so much joy. “You have no idea, Lilah. Every day, every day I wished you were here, even though I knew you were where you needed to be.”
I step into him again, my arms around his waist.
“Let’s get in the house.”
We untangle from one another, and Jimmy clutches my luggage. Everything inside looks the same as it once did. I don’t know what I expected, but in one way, I was gone forever. At the same time, I never left.
“So what do you want to do? I have nothing going on today. I’m all yours,” Jimmy says with his arms out to the side.
I want to run to him and wrap myself around him. He’s my safe place. Always has been. But I know that if I want to do this—really stay sober and start over—I have to learn to rely on myself, not Jimmy. “I wouldn’t mind unpacking and maybe going for a swim.”
“You’re really liking swimming now, huh?”
I shrug sheepishly. “It keeps me centered, disperses a lot of the toxic energy and thoughts I still have.”
He nods. “Maybe I’ll make us a late lunch while you’re doing that then.”
“Sounds good.”
“What do you want to eat?” From his expression, you’d think he has no idea what my likes and dislikes are.
