AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I swallow hard. “Drunk driver skipped a red light and T-boned her car. She was in a coma for three months, but there was no brain activity. So, we let her go.”
Shelby wraps herself around me as if she can absorb my pain through her skin. I’m not entirely sure she doesn’t because I’m more peaceful than I’ve been for years.
“I knew you were pushing your pain and grief down too. But there’s comfort in grief, sweetheart, because it’s a reminder of how much we loved the one we’ve lost. It’s a loss of life, not a loss of the relationship we had with that person because they live on in here”—I tap her temple—“and here”—I place my hand over her heart.
Tears begin to fall from the corners of her eyes, and she tries to blink them away.
“How did you deal with it in the end?”
This is something that I've never spoken about with anyone before, but here in my bed, with sunlight creeping through the gap in the blind, I feel safe enough to speak to Shelby about it.
“I got sick, and I knew it was because the grief was eating me up. Luckily, I had a great good doctor. He put me in touch with a therapist who taught me the tools to handle the grief.”
Shelby blinks again, more tears leaking from her eyes. “Will it ever stop hurting?”
“Sort of. The sharp edges of grief dull over time, but it never goes away. We just make room for it. The pain becomes a part of you because it’s proof of how much you loved someone.” I drop a kiss against her lips. “Sometimes it's easier to have somebody by your side that you can share that pain with. It just makes it a little easier to carry.”
Shelby moves her hand over my shoulder onto the back of my neck and squeezes gently, bringing my lips back to hers. I wonder if she'll ever know how much she means to me. How much it means to me that we both know and understand this pain and how we can help each other.
But my connection with her isn’t based solely on pain and grief.I envision a future for us that holds laughter and love, one where I make her my wife and get to keep her for the rest of my life and beyond.
Chapter Seven
Shelby
I thought spendingone night with Tony would rid me of this need I have to be with him. But the pull to be with him is even greater.
The tightness in my chest that I thought might kill me eased in his presence but returns full force the moment I step back into my parent’s house.
“Shelby, where were you? We were worried!” My mom’s voice is tight with tension. She pulls me into her arms and holds me there for a moment longer than necessary.
Ironically, it’s good to see something other than devastation on her features, even if it is worry because of me. “I was safe. I just needed a break.” Guilt floods me, and blood rushes to my cheeks. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean …” I trail off.
How am I supposed to navigate my way through something I’ve never experienced before? Grief and mourning, along with the welcome glimmer of happiness and anticipation at what could be between Tony and me…
He took such care of me, wrapping me up against his big body all night. Holding me so close that I could feel the reassuring thump of his strong, rhythmic heartbeat. Giving me a pleasure I never dreamed was possible between two people who barely know each other.
And yet … I do know him. I know him on some fundamental level that defies logic. I never believed in fate or love at first sight, but meeting Tony has changed everything.
“We’re going to Grandpa’s to start sorting through his things,” Dad says, pulling me from my thoughts as he joins us in the hall.
The thought of them going through his stuff, potentially throwing out something that was his, something important … has nausea roiling in my stomach.
“Can I do it?” I ask, knowing it’s something I have to do. It may even help me find some form of closure.
Mom grips my shoulders and looks deeply into my eyes.“Are you sure, honey?” Her brow creases with concern. “It’s a big job, and, well … you don’t seem to be coping well.”
“What doescoping welleven mean?” I demand, a little sharper than intended. “Grandpa is gone. Things will never be normal again.”
I shrug out of my mother’s grip as she quickly tries to explain what she meant. I shake my head, not letting myself hear her words, and snatch the keys to Grandpa’s from the hallway table.
“Let her go,” I hear my dad say as I yank the door open.
“I didn’t mean—”
“I know,” he says, consoling my mom, who has dissolved into a fresh puddle of tears.
I don’t turn back. How can I console her? I can’t console myself. How can Icope well? It’s not like I’ve lost my grandpa before. This is all new to me.
